[curlygirl]

Hi

I’ve just found this forum and hope I can find some common ground with others and hopefully figure out what to do!

I’ve been with my partner for 7 years. I knew he drank and did cocaine when I met him. In the beginning it was a bit of fun, I joined in now and again but I have never ever felt addicted.

Fast forward to now. He drinks every day, is doing coke at least twice a month and shows no signs of stopping. I have talked about it with him in every possible way: we’ve argued, I’ve tried supporting him, we’ve done the silent treatment, I’ve begged him to get help. His standard response is “this is the last time”. Then the next time there’s always an excuse: “it’s bern a rough week” or “it’s bank holiday” or “it’s Saturday” … or this week it was Thursday so that he wouldn’t drink at the weekend. It’s now Saturday and guess what… he is drinking gin. He doesn’t even like gin but it’s all we have in the house (my gin, from Christmas!)

I mean… what do I do?

Either he stops or I learn to live with it. I can’t see how either one of these options will ever work. I feel very lost ????

[danman83]

Hiya curly girl hope your OK,

Reading this is just like how i use to be except for the alcohol each day.

1st off I am now clean of coke and alcohol for over 4 month now.

I used coke once a week to every few week. I just had enough I lost my gf and kids, it sent me suicidal for days, my friends have killed them self’s on coke. Its just horrible.

It’s a typical addict thinking. It’s the weekend, it’s Easter, it this and that. It’s his addict brain having him over. I very much he is on coke twice a month as well but I could be wrong. Having alcohol is a big trigger to get cocaine. And this is for most. So if he’s drinking each day I recon he is having it more. But I could be wrong.

He will only stop. If he admits he has a problem and he hits his rock bottom. You can’t force him to.

But he needs to get to some meetings, and work a 12 step programme or rehab. Doing the cocaine anonymous programme helps so much and addresses underlying issues. He’s just stuck In a bad way and needs belief. I just need to nip out so can’t explain the best I can now. Sorry

[curlygirl]

Really appreciate your reply, thank you. Firstly congratulations on getting yourself clean. Such an achievement and you should be really proud. And how great that you can use your experience to help others. Thank you.

I can tell the difference between him being on coke and just drinking. I can’t explain it, it’s just something about his face and his movements. He can’t lie to me and he’s stopped trying! But yes the excuses are endless.

The “problem” is that we are fairly comfortable financially, not rich by any means, but he earns decent money and believes it’s his right to spend it how he likes. I don’t know how he’ll ever hit “rock bottom” because even when we briefly split a few years ago and he promised me it would all end, it didn’t.

Is the anonymous programme based in religion? Because if so I don’t think he’ll do it.

Thanks again for getting in touch ????

[danman83]

No not at all. You need to have your own higher power. Mine is god and the law of attraction. Basically I believe how u treat people you get that back. Like karma. Good energy and the universe. Some people have there dead parents ect.. But u need to pray every morning and night and ask for.the strength to beat this addiction ect.. It can be off putting at 1st. But I’m on my knees morning and night praying. And I’m 4 month clean. It depends how bad how u want this. Praying is free as well lol

[danman83]

There is a lot of talk about God. And that. But it’s not a religious programme. Its a spiritual one. You have to lead a honest life, no lying, I don’t litter, be kind and helpful. Pray each morn and night. To your own higher power.

Basically we admit we are powerless over are addiction. We can’t stop on our own. So we ask for our higher power to help us each day. And it does work. Its about having a good routine in your life. Meditate is a must as well each day. This helps so much.

People are just stuck in a rut and in the same routine of using and we need to implement good things in our life and get rid of the bad. Sounds daft about what I’ve said. But it works.

[curlygirl]

Thank you so much for explaining. I will do some investigating about what’s available locally to us.

Well done on turning your life around ????

[danman83]

OK thanks for that. If he downloads zoom, he can do online meetings, they are on all day everyday starting from 7.30 am. The meetings are on the c.a website. I can send u a link if he decides he wants to.

There are doctors in the meetings with coke addiction, it effects all walks of life. Hope this helps

[curlygirl]

Thanks Dan I really appreciate your help. I’m planning on discussing it this weekend… I’m keeping everything crossed it won’t be a bad one… but it is a bank holiday ????

[danman83]

OK good look. Remember you have your own life as well. So try and enjoy it x

[ash2013]

Hey Danman, sorry to hijak this thread, is there any chance you could pop over to the ‘My husband and cocaine’ post, at the end. I’ve been trying to offer some words of widsom to Debbie, and I think you will be better placed to see what is happening from her posts. Thanks so much!!

[ash2013]

Hi,

I didnt want to read and run, I’ve been where you are, and thankfully my husband is now 2 years clean, but I totally relate.

I used to say ‘if the day ended in a Y it would be a reason’, I’m also sure many of his mates had about 7 birthdays a year…. theres always a reason, an excuse and a justification, as much for themselves. My husband didnt have an off when it came to drink, he does not drink at all now either, I dont think he had a drink problem as such, but the two went together for him.

Dan is a great person to talk to, because I’ve only been in your position, not the addicts.

Only you know if you can live with it, after many years of it, I couldn’t but mine cheated on me when he was on it too, he was horrible to live with because he didnt really want to be at home, because I was the enemy and Coke was his friend.

I dreaded social invites, and would be thinking, what would it be like to be with someone who just had a few beers, had a laugh and called it a night…..

You arent alone x

[curlygirl]

Hi Ash

Thanks so much for your message. It does help to know I’m not alone in this! I can fully relate. Tbh I don’t even want to take him to a family wedding later this year, because I know he’ll ruin it for me. It’s a sad situation when that is the reality I’m facing.

I have to try to get him to see another way of life, I’m hoping he’ll agree to go to a meeting, even if just online.

Really appreciate you getting in touch ????

[danman83]

OK will do

[ash2013]

Thanks Dan 🙂

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