[nat123]

Hi,

I never thought I’d ever been in such a heartbreaking situation.

I’ve finally plucked up the courage today to move home after 7 years.

He was my only one, my future, everything and then 4 years ago he turned to cocaine. 4 years later, cocaine has took everything away and some days I just dread waking up.

Over the past 4 years it’s just been hell, lies, broken promises, blame, making me think I’m the one who needs help, that I’m crazy and seeing things, accusing me of having an affair all the time.

Im now In a tricky situation because I stupidly brought a house with him – yes once again thinking he would change. And now I’ve had to walk out, leave my dogs who are my world and with my name on all the bills and mortgage.

You can’t talk to him, he’s up all night, sleep all day. Doesn’t bother turning up for work sometimes. I wake up to abusive messages saying I’m having an affair. He sees things, he hears things, he’s in thousands pounds of debt, He looks so ill.

But I can’t do this anymore. A helpline today suggest I looked on this website. I thought I was alone but I’m not.

I just don’t know what to do. All my friends are getting married, having kids and my life’s falling apart. I love him so much and he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I think that’s why it’s so hard. But we will never get back what we had. And you can’t help someone unless they want the help! I’ve just watched cocaine ruin his life, ruin both our heads, ruin everything.

I now don’t know what to do about the house, about the dogs, about getting him to agree about the house. I’m on furlough and that’s not helping. I think I’ve just completely broken down today.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed this.

[debc]

Hi Nat123,

Welcome to the Forum, it’s a great place to share your story and chat to people who are in the same situation.

My Son is an addict, Alcohol and Cocaine, he’s doing ok at the moment but put up with what you have been through for at least 10 years, he’s 29 now.

I think you have done the right thing for you, I can appreciate that it is very hard, but as you said it is like living in hell, and when it starts affecting your life you have to do it for you.

It sounds as if you need some professional advice about the house and mortgage, do you have a local Citizens Advice near you? Or some Solicitors do free 1/2 hours advice. Are you able to have the dogs where you have moved to?

The Icarus Trust is another place you could talk to, they would know about these situations.

Don’t worry about ranting on here, I think it’s a good place that you can write down exactly how you are feeling and i think that helps.

Keep in touch on here, take one day at a time and most importantly look after yourself first.

Take care

Dx

[pray4love]

It must have been difficult to finally make the decision to move on. My mother stay with my abusive father for 40+ years before she left. She moved out but stayed in a relationship with him. She said was easy because she would leave from visiting him if he starting drinking, and because he wanted her to stay he waited till she left to drink.

Not saying this is for you. It looks like you are on the right track. When you leave you know you can rebuild your life and start over.

[knupssy]

It is very hard.

I am leaving in just 4 weeks now. Trying to do on civil mode. We have 3 kids, and he agreed for me to move with them abroad. I have been now preparing the move for 3 months. Lots of paperwork…

We signed a separation agreement early October but as he is unemployed he still hasn’t paid the lump sum neither did he take me out the mortgage he soon won’t be able to pay. It stresses me a lot.

But my family helps me a lot and I am moving to a country where the social benefits are really helpful… it will help me start fresh.

I still love him deeply but I am also very angry and mostly sad. It’s an unbearable pain. Especially as we are still cohabitating… but with children in the picture i have to take it step by step.

He continues to try to make me feel guilty of everything 🙁 So unfair…

But I try to repeat to myself that this is a different person. Hard.

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