[mseq]

Hi Everyone, hope you are all well, this is my first time posting on an online forum. For the past few years I’ve been living a very fast life, working in a lot of places, meeting a lot of people (some good some bad), taking a lot of drugs and drinking like an animal and hence ending up in some very crazy situations.

The most recent situations were the ones which have encouraged me to stop drinking and taking chances with my life. I ended up lost in Bulgaria, alone and without any phone battery, ended up sleeping on trains but thanks to some great people I managed to get back home safe. The previous month I went to Budapest and also passed out drunk and woke up in a Subway station, again thankfully nothing bad happened to me.

I tried to get help before but I felt judged by medical professionals for my mental health issues, which are mainly psychosis, anxiety and depression which I’ve battled since I was a child. And nobody seemed to even try to help me understand why I was doing such things.

Has anyone else been through a kind of cycle, where it seems like you’re trying to die and putting yourself in danger on purpose? I can only describe it as a Hell Loop, where you know exactly what’s going to happen but you cannot help yourself.

[Author]

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