[snowful2021]

My partner is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. I recently learnt he’s been using cocaine for 20 years. His dad is a functioning alcoholic and has taught his kids there’s something wrong with you if you aren’t drinking.

He went cold turkey and was clean for 10 weeks earlier this year but started using again when he went away with a mate for a weekend. He lies and says he’s not using but you can’t hide the physical signs when high. This mate is a massive enabler, wanting ‘fun times’ with my partner rather than allowing him to be a family man. This chap lives with his parents, is single in his mid 30’s and has been a cause of previous relationships ending.

My partner thinks he’s doing ok because he has some days with the family and some days with his mates, but it’s no life having every Friday/Saturday and Tuesday lost to addiction. And it’s not just those days when high it’s the days lost after due to sleeping in or having mood swings which are hell. We are constantly arguing infront of the kids. To the point his child with an ex hasn’t been to our house for weeks (and he tells her it’s because of me when it’s not), my child from an ex is asking me to leave him and then we have a young child together. He turns everything on to me and says I’m to blame for all our problems, his anxiety, but all I do is try to provide for our family. All plans get cancelled, holidays are ruined as every one results in a meltdown on at least one day, I assume due to his cravings. To the point my teenager doesn’t want to go away with him again…

I’m ready to leave but feel bad as the nice part of him desperately wants our family together, but I feel like I’ve run out of energy to give. Nothing changes, drink, drugs & his mates always come first, all responsibilities sit on my plate, I can’t talk to him about anything and have to face all issues alone. His money is his money, he pays a menial rent so all bills and debts sit with me, his money goes on drugs before bills. Why do I feel guilty because if I actually told anyone what my life was like they’d say run, but I’m clinging onto the hope it’ll be better…

Reading some of your posts has already helped me realise I’m not alone, so thank you

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