[Moosh]

Hi,

I’ve known my boyfriend for about 6 years, we have been together since the start of the year, he had mentioned that he had taken Class A drugs before, I did not think too much about it, certainly in the first 9-10 months of us hanging out together he has been very clean and looking after himself, I fell completely in love with him, there are 2 kids who I have taken under my wing as well.  However more and more is coming out of the woodwork, for example, he admitted that whilst he was splitting up with his wife he was bingeing coke and got himself into 1000s of debt he nearly bankrupted himself, he spent £300 one day just sitting in his flat taking coke for the sake of it, a few weeks ago a “friend” reappeared and wanted them to get bags of coke so they could sit in and get high, I was dumped for the night, he was not the same person the following days and looked dreadful, he didn’t care about anything.  Neither me nor his kids get to do anything with him anymore, as all his spare money is going on raves and the drugs he needs, its at least £500 on drugs for a weekend.  The kids end up stuck indoors because he can’t afford to take them anyway, they get themselves wound up bored, wind him up and he  ends up yelling at them.  He’s gone cold on me recently, there’s no love life, he won’t touch me, I feel heartbroken.  He went on insulin about spring time, I begged him to lay off the coke as its so dangerous for him, he just fobbed me off saying its perfectly safe, he knows what he is doing, Im forcing my opinions on him.   I am an ex cannabis addict, I am concerned for him but he is also triggering me, I’d much rather he focused his time on getting a better job, however although he applies for better jobs in his day to day work life he has become a complete slacker.  He is always finding reasons to be off work, and is in debit on his work hours.

Next is that he has to go through some very serious hospital procedures and operations, and Im terrified that he is going to nearly die because of the amount of coke he pumps into himself.  I am beside myself to the point I can’t function.  I want to make sure he gets through this next hospital procedure or operation, I couldn’t live with myself if I ended our relationship and something happened to him, the thought of losing him makes me feel wired and sick.

I just dont know what to do or how to approach him.  Anytime I say anything he justifies himself and / or has a go at me.  What to do ?? Im a wreck.

[Lozzy80]

Hi Moosh

You sound like a very kind and caring person. Sadly an addict takes advantage, not necessarily intentional , the addiction takes over and it’s cruel and selfish and nothing else matters.

I know the desperation for a coke addict to change… We end up being consumed ourselves in it all and how we can get them to stop. But the harsh truth is we can’t. Only they can stop, if they want to and if they seek help. You cannot do this for him

Please focus on you, your own wellbeing and needs. Maybe get some counselling for yourself to help you understand your own needs and motivation for wanting to stay in this relationship. Sorry this is not meaning to sound judgement in any way whatsoever, just speaking from awful experience of the last 5 yrs with my cocaine addict husband.

 

Also please make sure you build your own support network – family and friends are so important when going through something as painful as this

I wish you all the very best

[jo@adaptoxford.org.uk]

<span style=”color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;”><span style=”font-size: 12pt;”>Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will </span>endeavor<span style=”font-size: 12pt;”> to respond within 24 hours. </span></span><span style=”font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; color: #1155cc;”>https://adaptoxford.org.uk/<wbr />the-icarus-programme/</span>

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