[finlou38]

I’ve been with my fiance for 6 years and have two children with him.

My youngest is almost five months old.

Since he’s been born, my partner’s drinking has become a daily occurrence and he constantly lies about it.

He has gotten himself completely drunk whilst caring for my eldest.

I find hidden bottles upstairs often and when he’s been drinking he asks me not to accuse him of drinking, even though it’s obvious he has been.

I believe he is also smoking in the attic which is concerning for both my children but especially the baby.

I have my own health issues and I am pretty much looking after the house and children single handedly.

Any task like cooking, cleaning, laundry, bathing , shopping etc falls on me.

I dread to think just how much he spends on alcohol on a weekly basis. Our youngest has spent hardly anytim with his father and it actually breaks my heart.

I don’t think I can continue to support him. Of course I love him, but when he has been drinking he winds our eldest up and acts stupidly. My uncle passed away today and before he had a drink, he was the partner I love, but he knows he has a problem and then lets me down again at my time of need.

He knows I want him to stop and that the alcohol is damaging his relationships, he agrees with me and has sought help, but then within hours he is drinking again. I’m utterly exhausted and feel like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster.

I feel like I need to remove myself and our children from this environment. But I do worry about him and his mental state and wellbeing and what he might do? Also I don’t want to be the one that breaks up the family. Has anyone or is anyone going through anything similar.

I don’t know who to contact about leaving or if I should stay. I’m lost and so, so sad.

If you read this, thank you

[rumi22]

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[careaboutyou]

Hi Finlou38, I really feel for you and your children. I was married to an Alcoholic and I have one Son. I had to leave the family home because my husband’s drinking was out of control. He died in 2012, my Son is now 15, we left when he was 5.

I know how exhausted you must feel, with a little baby and another child. You must think of yourself and your children. You cannot be a Mother to them if you’re going through constant trauma with your Fiance’s drinking.

If he’s drinking daily, the problem will only get progressively worse. It’s not your job to worry about his mental state….your duty is to yourself and your children. His duty is to you and your children ( he is fufilling neither ).

Please find a way to leave the relationship / home. Please tell everyone and get help. Do you have anyone who can help you leave?

It won’t get better I’m afraid. You wouldn’t be the one breaking up the family! He is creating that with his unacceptable behavior. Perhaps the useful organisations, in the Help for Families, on the menu bar, on this site can help.

I know that it’s so difficult to leave when you have a young baby, but please muster up the courage to leave or break up with him some how.

Routing for you. You are now responsible for him. Also you need to get your children away before they become affected by the situation.

Very good luck, you can do it, reach out.

Meanwhile, record and document everytime he’s drunk etc in a diary.

You don’t need to be ashamed it’s not you doing this….

[careaboutyou]

not responsible for him.

[finlou38]

Sorry replied to myself not you. ????

[finlou38]

I started documenting his drinking when he got drunk whilst I was in the hospital with our poorly newborn. He upset my mum and me.

I think you are correct, as things are progressively getting worse and with Christmas around the corner, I am not feeling optimistic. He can embarrasses me at times.

I really do try not to nag, and give him space, but he point blank ignore any attempt I try to make to talk about his drinking, how he’s feeling or how I’m feeling.

It’s just so hard as I see snippets of the man I fell in love with.

But I know you are right. My priority is our children.

Thank you for the advice. I’ll take a look at the help for families section.

I’m sorry to hear about your experience. I grew up without a dad and I really feel for my children, as if I’m honest I’ll be scared for him to have them, if I’m not around. ( I feel awful saying that)

Leaving is not something I will be able to do quickly. Staying with family/friends isn’t an option either.

I do feel.a little trapped if I’m honest

[icarus-trust]

Hi

Thankyou for sharing your post and I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time dealing with your fiance’s drinking. it’s very hard and you might want to contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers support to people going through what you are. One of our Family Friends would be in touch of you contact us and talking might help you to know what is best to do next for you and your children.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the bets to you and the family.

[finlou38]

Thank you. I’ll be in touch.

[Author]

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