[meo]

I have been laying in bed trying to sleep for 6hrs with no luck. I cant stop crying or thinking about my brother. My brother is a heroin addict and has been for many years now, none of us are sure when it started but I am pretty certain it was way before my mother or sister suspected anything.

2yrs ago my Dad passed away from Covid. Him and my brother never had a good relationship, as my brother was forever trying to take advantage of my mother and my father wouldnt allow it and basically banned him from the home many years before.

His death was an open invitation for my brother. He practically moved in with my mum and over months of being there he took everything she had down to her last penny. She thought she would need to remortgage her home. I didnt know what was going on until my sister told me someone had stolen my mothers nest egg. All her savings were gone. I knew immediately it was my brother but neither of them believed me. A few weeks later my sister asked me over. She had found out it was my brother. He had signed checks in his own writing and paid them to himself. There were transactions on my mothers cards that were made in the middle of the night when my mother would have been sleeping. Only he had access.

Items my Dad had collected over the years also had gone missing. Anything of any value. Despite the fact my mother was vulnerable and grieving my father, he had done this too her. She had no money for months and depended on my sister and myself to feed her while things were sorted out with the bank.

The bank agreed to pay the money back, but only on the condition my mother follows through and takes my brother to court.

I guess tonight I was watching tiktok and there was a guy on there that had recovered from heroin and is now living a good life with his family. It really got to me. For the first time I am grieving for a brother that I have lost to this addiction. Because even if he was to get clean, how could any of us forgive what he done to my mother at her time of need. She has always been soft with my brother, she has supported him through everything. Been to visit him in jail numorous times, paid his bills, bought him food. Believed him when he said things that honestly I do not believe anymore are true.

For the first time I have looked back to my teens and realised my brother was using drugs even then. My sister and mother both thing it was due to his relationship breaking down that it forced him as he was made homeless to turn to drugs. But that really isnt the case. I know he used other drugs back in our teens. His behaviour since his teens has been that of a drug addict, in and out of prison, violent relationships etc.

I guess it really hit me as I was always the closest to my brother. He used to open up to me. I would look out for him. But we havent had that close bond since we were teens and his behaviour spiralled. I had a family young and distanced myself from him, especially as his behaviour got worse. I didnt link drugs to his behaviour back then but now it all makes sense.

There will only be one of two outcomes for him that I can see. One he will overdose and we will get a call or two he will end up back in prison. I guess a part of me hopes that he will get clean, but I think this is beyond his reach. I dont see that ever happening. Even if it did. I cant forgive someone for doing the terrible things he did to the person that always supported him. That he would use her vulnerability in that way that he would have put her on the street.

Really no point in this post at all. I just needed to get it out to someone and I guess others here may well understand. I am absolutely devastated I am grieving for my brother knowing he was lost over 20yrs ago. I feel like my heart is ripped in two knowing he is alive and that I can never contact him.

Even if I did try because I did in the past try and help him he pushed me away and I know its because he knew I would know. I would be the one person in the family that would know he was using and he pushed me away knowing that because he didnt want my mum or sister to know.

[browneyedgrl0970]

I hear you and I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I dated someone in college who turned into a heroine addict. It changed him completely. He lied, stole, cheated and made his next fix his sole purpose. It broke my heart, but I knew I had to leave him.

Several years later, he turned his life around, got clean and had a family. I promise you, the person your brother has become is not who he really is. Addiction changes people. I wish you the best and hope your brother is able to get clean one day.

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