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My partner of 20 years is an occasional user and it’s affecting our relationship.
We got together 20 years ago, although knew each other before due to having the same circle of friends. We both enjoyed the rave scene and coke and ecstasy was part of what happened on a night out with friends. I only used a few times to try and get on the same wavelength as my friends as I felt like a spare part. It wasn’t really my thing and was happy to be designated driver.
When we finally got together it was casual at first and he still enjoyed the weekend parties which was fine with me. Our relationship blossomed and 20 years and 6 kids later it’s been overall great.
The only negative is that during lockdown he decided to have a session whilst on chat with his friends and hide it from me, forgetting I know all the signs of how he behaves when under the influence! Although he showed remorse he continued to use on several occasions, hiding it from me and when I confronted him he said he had a problem and needed help. He didn’t seek the help and said it’s only me and his family he needs to realise he doesn’t need it anymore. Recently he went out for the night with a couple of friend and came home the next day with a ‘big hangover” and “it’s the rum” excuse. I found an empty packet when sorting the washing out so I now know it was more than a hangover. I feel betrayed as when it all blew up before I told him he had to be honest with me. No trust no relationship, so now I feel like I’m being taken for a fool. I want to shock him and leave, as I told him I won’t give second chances, but I love him so much. It seems petty as he isn’t a bad person, he works hard and loves us all, so I feel it’s me being the unreasonable one and causing a rift.
Don’t know if I’m asking for advice, help etc, but just writing it gives me somewhere to put it as I can’t talk to anyone about this.
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Thankyou for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you can’t talk to anyone but if you would like to contact us at Icarus Trust one of our trained and experienced Family Friends would talk with you. We are a charity that offers support to people dealing with addiction in their family so maybe that would help you.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.
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