[purpleheart]

Hi , not been on properly for a while because I’ve been emotionally frazzled – my OH has been out of control on the coke again , disappearing , staying in hotels using , scaring family to death going missing . But 10 days ago he seemed to hit rock bottom after realising he was impacting not only our lives but those of our two small kids and that was it he vowed he had taken for the last time . He was withdrawing awfully last week and went away for a few days ( safely without access to the rubbish ) to start his recovery . He came back positive and in good spirits but something isn’t sitting right with me today , my anxiety is awful because I can’t trust him right now as his lies over using have been appalling for the last year . But tonight he seems distant again doesn’t want to talk , not about serious things but just general stuff chit chat and he’s gone making himself busy for work out of the way at this time of night. – he says he hasn’t taken but I’m feeling like I need to ask him to test because I’m doubting him . He knows I have tests h by it I’ve never used them as there’s been no point as never stopped so it won’t be a surprise to him . do you think I should ask to test or is that killing the trust in recovery ?. How on earth do you go on with recovery with a loved one in so on edge ?. He’s also still refusing to seek professional help as he says he can come off by himself , even though he’s been using daily in secret for months if not years , any advice welcome x

[purpleheart]

Answered my own question , asked him to do a test he came back in with an empty pot and that was my result – lied all day again , this time was different he said . 🙁 thanks for reading anyway x

[mammyessex]

Hi how’s things now x

[dazzle]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I hope you’re ok x

[purpleheart]

Thanks both , Hi Mammy hope your doing ok ?. He stayed out last night and came back today . Today he’s in vulnerable mode saying sorry , doing what he can around the house and with the kids . But when it comes to time where we should be discussing us .. he’s fell asleep like normal brushing it all under the carpet AGAIN . My family are now saying I need to leave as there’s no hope . And I know this for sure nearly but I have a Glimmer of hope still regardless of the lies and deceit and he keeps saying it’s work that has pushed him to this using everyday . I just think of him as he was before and it’s caving my head and so I’m not being realistic. I wouldn’t feel like this if I hadn’t of bought into his vow of sobriety last week .I feel weak now and not ready for change but I’m sure things are not going to change with him anytime soon and I need to make the first step to go. I don’t want to but I know I’m stuck in this rut and he keeps taking me for the ride each week for the last year at least . I hated drugs before but I most certainly do now x

[mammyessex]

I know what you mean they stole my marriage and my future x I’m still just sick really nothings changed I know it’s an addiction but it doesn’t just effect them , my mental health is shocking as I guess is yours x keep your head held high it’s so easy for others to say what to do when they don’t have to live with it x

[dazzle]

Hey I hope you’re both doing ok, I asked my husband to move out (again) over a week ago- his alcohol and coke use just got too much. He works away from home a lot and has stayed away but he’s coming back tomorrow. He knows he can’t stay in our house but he will be over to see our daughter. I’ve been feeling so strong this time but I know when I see him I will doubt myself. I desperately don’t want to get back into that crap cycle of broken promises and heartbreak. It never changes.

For an addict to really change- they’re the only ones who can make that happen. It’s a bit like that for us too- people can tell you what they think you should do but until you’ve truly made up your own mind, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says.

I think we just have to try to be more selfish and put ourselves first xxx

[mammyessex]

I wish I could be selfish I really do , why can’t they see the damage and devastation it causes ? Never thought this would be my life , I’m strong but I’m tired ????I’m sick of worrying about the drugs , the money the bills , paying for food how they f did I get here , thinking of you ladies x

[Author]

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