[danman83]

I’ve not been on here for a while now. I had a lot to deal with. I FINALLY joined C A anonymous and have a sponsor and I am working the steps. I’m meditating each day and praying. I feel so much better, healthier and happier. I know post like this get deleted as its for family of addicts. But please try and get your loved ones to do meetings and get a sponsor. They need to work a programme that keeps them busy and to talk to people each day. It’s crazy how it works, and I always said I would not do this. But I have.

People are worried about the higher power and god. It doesn’t have to be God. It can be your own higher power. Mine is basically the universe and energy, basically the law of attraction. You get what you give it, and I pray to this. It sounds crazy. But what’s worse praying or being on drugs? Don’t give up and just believe in your self.

[lindyloo]

Hi Danman83, welcome back,

I’m so pleased to hear that you are a month clean. You are always welcome here. It’s good to hear from people in recovery too.

You gave me some good advice for my son several months ago.

He is currently 90+ days clean from alcohol and cocaine.

He finally returned to AA and CA meetings, got another sponsor and has just finished his 12 steps program with him.

Congratulations again, keep up the good work and keep posting.

It’s good to hear some positive stuff!

Stay strong

Lxx

[danman83]

That’s great news! I’m happy for you both! I’ve done a few meetings but I just haven’t got the confidence to speak up and I need to. I promised my sponsor I will on tommorow meeting and now I’m shitting it lol.

Thanks for your lovely comments, it helps me as well. At least you don’t have to worry as much now.

Thank you ????

[lindyloo]

Yes, it’s a relief. It’s great to see him doing so well. I’m really proud of him as I know its not been easy for him.

Good luck for tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll do well.

Stay strong, believe in yourself you can do this , and I know you will be a great support to others .

Lx

[danman83]

Thank you. I really appreciate it ????????

[debc]

Hi Danman83,

So good to see you are doing well, and feeling good about yourself. I think it’s good that addicts can come on and show people the other side and that there is always hope.

My Son is struggling at the moment, but I think a lot of it is down to his Mental Health, he’s got himself into a rut and won’t or can’t get himself out of it at the moment, he needs to go back to the meetings, he told me that they really help. He used to be nervous about Sharing in the meetings, but I know after he had done it he felt really good, good luck for later.

Take care, one day at a time. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Dx

[danman83]

Thanks deb, I hope he finds his feet again. It’s just a vicious circle, and most addicts don’t want to be like this, it just grips people differently. I literally have just finished writing some notes and I am gonna do my best to speak up tonight. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thanks deb

[dre80]

I read your answers a long time ago, you are really trying and this is great to hear. Yeah, praying is better than other bad things, and commitment with yourself and health. I hope you get better and better each day. From Brazil, my prayer for you dear one.

[danman83]

Thank you so much ????

[icarus-trust]

Well done Danman. keep strong.

[danman83]

Thanks ????

[alexx]

Hi Dan, first of all well done! Keep going! My boyfriend decided enough was enough as he was suffering with depression and suicidal thoughts and finally realised it was ruining him. He has done 2 CA meetings and didn’t really like the religious part of it. He says that he doesn’t feel like he needs to do anymore meetings atm because he feels good.

As far as I’m aware, he hasn’t touched it since October last year, he had been using for 13 years on and off before. But he still has a runny nose, occasional nose bleeds and is drinking alcohol most days. I worry that he is secretly using? But don’t know if I’m being paranoid, how long does it take for your nose to heal?

[danman83]

Thanks for that.

To be honest and it gets said in meetings it’s not really religious. You choose your own higher power. I don’t believe in God, but I believe in karma, good, bad energy, the universe and space. So that’s my higher power. And that’s who I pray to now. Basically law of attraction if this makes sense. You can even just pray to a dog if you want. It’s your own choice. He just needed to stick around longer and take more in.

What had he shown to you that proves he is quitting? For example, I made plans, give my gf my phone and car keys at weekend, listen to recovery podcast. This was before meetings.

Plus his nose, if it’s like that all the time he’s defo on it. I never really had nose bleeds. But my nose feels better after a month.

Personally I can’t see him drinking and not getting coke. I could be wrong. Buy a drug kit and test his eurine.

I can’t see anyone quitting after 13 year unless they have put real effort in to stop. But only you will know that. Feel free to ask me anything

I’ve been using 11 years. I don’t know any coke addict that can have a drink and not get coke! Alcohol is the main trigger to get coke. The second I have a sip I’m on phone to the dealer. Although I’m not an alcoholic – I’ve had to quit drinking.

[alexx]

Thanks for replying Dan I really appreciate it! It’s so hard to talk to anyone that understands. I’m trying to encourage him doing more meetings but all I get is “I feel good at the moment so don’t feel I have too”

It’s so hard because I don’t know if he is or not still doing it, but I don’t agree with the drinking while he is trying to recover but he says it’s not a problem ????

So to show me he wanted to give up, he supposedly deleted all the numbers but before the last episode he had with coke I found out he had it saved under a different name, so could it be the same again? We are together a lot of the time atm with lockdown but he sometimes will pop out without me to the shops to get cigarettes but haven’t found any wraps anywhere. I don’t know if it’s me being paranoid but i know how hard it can be to give up and it seems he is dealing with it very well abit too good to be true! But when I say anything he says “I wouldn’t ever touch it again”

As for his nose yes it’s snotty a lot of the time and he has occasional nose bleeds and gets very sensitive when I mention that his nose is bloody or running. I was wondering if it could be damage from using coke all those years but now I’m thinking it would be getting better!

I don’t know how I can test his urine really, I feel like I’m going crazy but I need to know!

[alexx]

Thanks for replying Dan I really appreciate it! It’s so hard to talk to anyone that understands. I’m trying to encourage him doing more meetings but all I get is “I feel good at the moment so don’t feel I have too”

It’s so hard because I don’t know if he is or not still doing it, but I don’t agree with the drinking while he is trying to recover but he says it’s not a problem ????

So to show me he wanted to give up, he supposedly deleted all the numbers but before the last episode he had with coke I found out he had it saved under a different name, so could it be the same again? We are together a lot of the time atm with lockdown but he sometimes will pop out without me to the shops to get cigarettes but haven’t found any wraps anywhere. I don’t know if it’s me being paranoid but i know how hard it can be to give up and it seems he is dealing with it very well abit too good to be true! But when I say anything he says “I wouldn’t ever touch it again”

As for his nose yes it’s snotty a lot of the time and he has occasional nose bleeds and gets very sensitive when I mention that his nose has blood around it or running. I was wondering if it could be damage from using coke all those years but now I’m thinking it would be getting better!

I don’t know how I can test his urine really, I feel like I’m going crazy but I need to know!

[alexx]

Also I don’t really know how to approach him about the subject as he is very sensitive when I talk about it, I just said I’d really like you to carry on with your meetings, and he’s being off with me now!

[danman83]

Drinking and coke come hand in hand. You can’t Do one without the other. Especially if you have been on coke that long and just stop.

As for the number he’s obviously changed it to a dif name for a reason. If he didn’t want it you would just delete it.

My gf never found my bags I just had it hid in my sock, or under an ornament in the bathroom. The bathroom/toilet will be were all the sniffing gets done if your downstairs with him. Does he go to the toilet a lot? Well he will if he’s drinking. I guess you could look for white bits on the toilet seat or back of the toilet. Or on the floor as it drops on the floor.

Also some one on here got a drug kit, and tested her bf urine in the toilet as he forgot to flush it. And it was positive. If his nose is snotty a lot and dont have bad hay fever, it could be it. Also why is his nose bleeding a lot, it shouldn’t be really. Mine never really bled, there was just a bit of blood on my tissue when I blew my nose. That was for a week after. Not even that. But it depends how much he is using it I guess.

My gf can easily tell when I am on it. My eyes are popping out lol, or I can’t look at her when I’m talking, very agitated, anxiety,up till 6am.

Have you seen anything like this?

I don’t like the meetings I’ve been going 7 weeks now. And I’ve spoke 3 times and I’m so nervous doing this and avoid doing it. But I need to really. Do you think this is why he don’t want to do them? Tell him just listen if it is. You don’t have to.

[alexx]

So I’ve told him I do have an issue with the drinking as I don’t think it’ll help his recovery! He said he understands but it’s just social and not an issue but I don’t buy that, I think alcohol should be avoided in recovery! He said he’s been happy lately and hasn’t thought about it, and hates it when cocaine is bought up as he feels like he has to relive it ???? and just wants it out of his life!

I know he is very good with his phone and always deleted texts and calls from dealers when I knew he was doing it! If he is still doing it, the toilet would be the only place and I’m not sure where he would dispose of the wraps! I suppose he does go to the toilet more when he is drinking! But not in an obvious way!

I am tempted to get a drug test but he rarely forgets to flush so trying to think how I’d do the test. With his nose it’s just how snotty it is and when he blows so much snot comes and and some bloody snot! But I don’t know if that could be where he’s caused so much damage to his nose! It’s worn away the inside of his nose so he has caused damage that’s for sure, so maybe why it’s like that? I’m not sure! I could be paranoid, it’s just that when he drinks it’s similar symptoms to when he did coke, chatty, happy, smoking more etc but is that just the alcohol or is it cocaine. When he takes cocaine he isn’t overly obvious, it’s just talking loads, not eating and going to sleep late or struggling to get to sleep! Now when he drinks he doesn’t seem to eat loads, but does eat something! And he has been taking sleeping tablets before bed!

I’ve told him I’d like him to carry on with the meetings, he hasn’t turned his camera on or spoken yet, just listened in the two he has done

[danman83]

I’m starting to think now is he or isn’t he haha.

I don’t really know to be honest really because I can’t see him. I guess only you can judge that. My gf knows within an hour I am on it. I guess if he is drinking then he is going to the toilet more.

You could just buy a test, then just say to him when you get it, not before because he will not use then and will pass it. And just say… Right it’s eating me away this, please take this test give me piece of mind and when u pass I won’t bring it up again. But that is entirely up to you. I don’t know whether it will cause arguments. But it’s a good way, and it will clear it up once and for all.

You definitely don’t eat on coke, I know that far a fact, unless it’s been a few hours since u last used and I’m talking like 3 hours maybe more.

The sleeping tablets, I use to take because I hated the coke when it wore off and felt suicidal and depressed. So they knocked me out. They are dangerous really as you can be in your back and start being sick and choke, especially if you just drink, we both know it’s Easy to drink to much and just throw up. I don’t get if he’s drinking then taking sleeping tablets, if that’s what you said, because alcohol sends you tired really, well when you are in the house you can get to sleep a lot easier. So I don’t get why the need for sleeping tabs. But again I don’t know his situation.

Going back to disposing wraps and ect.. An addict will do anything possible for you not to find out. I use put my empty bags in an empty beer can. Just out of the way and sight. You can wrap it up in toilet roll and flush down the bog. Put it in the sole of your shoe and bin it when your on your own.

It sounds like he just has same problem as me on the meetings don’t want to talk or out, and it is hard but it’s helping me. But then again he’s adamant he is not using.

[danman83]

How are you and your partner doing now Alex?

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