[lanlou]

Hoping for support from other veterans on this path.

My daughter is 37 years old – IV heroin dependent for 15 years – & now pregnant. Honestly, it’s a miracle she is alive. She hasn’t lived with us (me & stepdad) for over 10 years. Now seeking our help as she is 3 months pregnant and wants to keep the baby. Hasn’t had a legitimate job for over 10 years but has paid her own rent and bills. Like many she has been a sex worker.

Over the years I have learned all the right boundaries – even lead in-person support groups, so I know all of the wrong ways to “help”. But my wisdom and resolve is being tested to the maximum.

We have a guesthouse that is vacant for one month in mid-January (the main house doesn’t have an extra bedroom). She had hoped we would offer her to live in the guesthouse permanently but we have a tenant moving in so that’s not possible, and we are retired so we need the income.

We could probably figure out a way to help her live in the guesthouse but she refuses to consider rehab (there are Medicaid paid programs that would pay if she really wanted it).

It is so mind boggling to me that she won’t consider rehab even now. “I cannot handle being locked up!”, she cried. I haven’t asked her if she would agree to outpatient but honestly she has been down that road many times, and one stint in-patient rehab when she was in her mid-20’s.

I am accompanying her today to register for the behavioral health component of her state medical insurance which partners with a hospital to provide methadone and prenatal care at the same location. She committed that she would put our names in the file that will allow us to access information about her progress (I’m hopeful but skeptical she will really do this).

As I write this, I know the right direction is to refuse to allow her to move in but it is so hard to contemplate her future now that she is pregnant and imminently homeless.

I need your help with staying strong. I keep telling myself that words mean nothing without actions, and that short term pain could very well be rewarded with long term gain as long as I don’t give in as I have often done in the past.

Thanks for reading this long story and for any support, wisdom and ideas you have to offer.

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