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I don’t know where to start. All I know is that I cannot continue on the path that I am on. I love my partner with all my heart. I honestly can’t take it anymore. He’s my lover and my best friend. I honestly can’t imagine life without him. However unfortunately he is also what you call a functional addict /alcoholic. In my opinion that is the worst kind. He can go on a bind for days and still go work. But when he comes home that’s when he lets it out. Friends tell me to kick him out. But I’m worried that if I do he will get worse. But I can’t continue to just sit and watch him slowly die. Please anyone have any advice on what to do? I’m at breaking point and need help desperately
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Hi kingskid,
This is sad, I’m afraid I hear this more than I like and your story is identical in every way.
Firstly, your not an expert or a professional addiction advisor so don’t feel guilty if you can’t help.
Your role in the relationship is to be strong and supportive the best you can but if your partners has not admitted to his addiction then you will be in this for as long as he can sustain the lifestyle or you leave the relationship. Only way you can help is to give him an ultimatum in the nicest way. GET help! Help is available and he can do it but he must want to do it and admit his addiction.
You sound like a nice caring person and you obviously want the best for him but remember that your not an expert advisor and your desire to live a healthier more fruitful life needs to be your priority.help him but DON’T become his enabler or long term addiction partner, trust me it’s a horrible path. Enjoy your life.
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Sadly you know this but he’s not going to stop and will continue. I’m sure you love him deeply as my wife did me but you need this advice. Moving to the next step is the only thing that will really help him because what your doing now has become acceptable to him.
No one can force you to get out but it is probably the only thing that may help him. I know you will be thinking about this the same time next year, the next 5 years until the worst. Help him by taking ACTION. He’s an addict and that’s how we work and unless he commits to reality and has regular treatment and drug testing then it will never work. He maybe attending but he’s not listening. It’s really hard to break away. Ultimatum is a horrible word and love has no limits.
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Kingskid
You are what’s known as an enabler. Sorry to be so blunt but you are allowing him to carry on without repercussions.
People say a person has to hit rock bottom before they ask for help. That’s not the case.
You need to bring his rock bottom to him by telling him that if he doesn’t get the help he needs. There shall be consequences.
These consequences need to be made plain and adhered to. ie: you wont give him money, a place to stay or even stay with him. If it continues.
I know it sounds harsh and uncaring but if he doesn’t care about the consequences. He’s just going to carry on and will drag you down with him. He does have choices and the help is there.
By helping him make the right choice is the ultimate act of love you could ever do for him…Good luck
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Hi,
So sorry to read your post. I was wondering if you would find it helpful to contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people affected by the addiction of a partner and we have trained experienced people you could talk with if you get in touch.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.
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