[parker01]

I’ve been with my partner for 20 years . We have a house together and young children. From being young my partner has always smoked cannabis, and dabbled on and off with cocaine . He would always take cocaine secretly and over the years has got into debt with it . I’ve always found out eventually and had to help pay the debt off. Since my eldest was born 8 years ago I really hoped it would have stopped by now . He knows how much I hate it and don’t want to be with someone who takes it . It’s like he doesn’t take it for a bit then will be once a week for a few weeks then it seems stops . He never admits taking it , I only have to look at his face and I know . He’s stolen from family , lies all the time about why he needs money . There is just no trust at all . We now have another child. He keeps promising he will stop and insists it’s not a problem . I’m beginning to resent him , I get so angry that he keeps doing it . Which doesn’t help but I just don’t know what to do anymore . I worry if I leave him what will happen. Will he get worse , it scares me as I won’t know and he will have the kids and I’ll have no control over that . I’ve talked to his family previously , he just gets so angry and defensive. He’s hard work to talk to . He will just storm off . He sometimes says he will get help but never does . We are just going round in circles . I think because he’s not doing it every night he doesn’t see it as a big deal. He still do it alone in his van . I’ve told him he will loose us but that doesn’t seem to be enough to make him see he needs help . Where do we even start to look into getting any help ? How do I handle this without loosing my temper . I just feel so hurt and let down . I feel like he’s a different person , he just looks down and has no drive in him . We hardly talk , I’m always in a mood with him due to just always telling lies , letting me and the kids down. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you

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