[unhappy23]

Hello this is my first time writing on anything like this but I just feel impossibly stuck. My partner of 13 years and father of our very young children is a cocaine addict. He suffers with chronic pain which is difficult enough but I am being subjected to regular bouts of cocaine induced psychosis where he accuses me of having another man in the house (who he then looks for). He can ‘hear’ him and everything. He struggled with cocaine a few years ago but stopped, however has now been doing it for most of this year on and off. I recently left for a week with the kids and was told he would never touch it again, wouldn’t even drink because its a trigger. He did a week of nothing while we were gone. We came back and he had been to work that day and had drinks with work colleagues. When I questioned him drinking he then told me he only meant at home. He had told me he would tell people he wasn’t drinking because of his meds but when I said this he basically said it was only a couple. He then left late at night and obviously bought cocaine which was then my fault because the argument had triggered it. I’ve pointed out that he has said all these things and not stuck to them. I am being blamed and told that if I was more supportive and positive it would help him give up. I’m so fed up of being let down and fooled into thinking he will actually do the things he says. I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me if I’m the arsehole foe being fed up and taking the kids away from it all or if I’m doing the right thing

[Ahurtwife]

Hello my lovely, I’m in a similar position. Over the last year I have ‘discovered’ that my husband of 20 years, partner of 35 years, father to our 3 children is addicted to cocaine and is a spiralling alcoholic. Last night I found out he has always done since we have been together. He thinks it is OK, and it appears, cocaine is acceptable to alot of our society. They don’t see what we see, they don’t getvtge psychosis, tge lies, accusations, financial predicament we are put in. And then we get blamed for ending relationships. No blame, reason seems to be attributed to the addict themselves as they are ‘unwell’.

This won’t be helping you but just so you know you aren’t alone. It’s not in your head, you are NOT to blame – i am talking to you and me!!

Honestly, get shot as quick as you can, don’t look back. Everything I have read in a zillion different places doesn’t seem to find a cure or the end of the addiction.  We are at the bottom, being trampled on, our hearts cut out and strewn around the neighbourhood. People really don’t get it. You are worth more, we all are, your child is worth more. Good luck my lovely. If you find the answer let me know. Xxx

[unhappy23]

Thank you so much for your response.

I feel so alone. No one knows the extent or what I’ve gone through. We rent and so the only option I have to leave is to move into my parents with my children. I only work part time and just don’t see how I will ever be able to get us a home of our own. I feel such guilt burdening my parents. They encourage us to try and work things out but they really don’t understand how bad its been.

I think if it was just the addiction it would be so much easier but the chronic pain is his reason for it and so I’m always made to feel like once he has the op he’s waiting for, the addiction will go.

I wish I had a crystal ball

[unhappy23]

How are things with you lovely?xx

[thistim3]

I agree with Ahurtwife. Save your children and yourself and make a plan to get yourselves away from him. It is not possible to have a future with him while he is using and there is no guarantee that he will stay clean if he stops using. Your situation will most likely get worse while he continues to use.

[unhappy23]

This is my biggest worry. He will get clean and then something else will happen later down the line and I’ll have to experience all of it again

[NoMorein2024]

Hope this finds you in a better place… reading about your situation has given me the strength to share mine. I’ve been in this relationship for close to 19 years and we’ve been through it all. We both battled with a heroin addiction but thanks to a fantastic program and wonderful counselors, along with the mutual desire to get and stay clean, we’re both going to celebrate 7 years heroin free June 27th of this year. Yay! Unfortunately, several years back we both dabbled with cocaine. It started with once in awhile and before we knew it, our lives became cocaine. Our relationship was falling apart in every aspect. So, almost 3 years ago, we moved out of the city and into the country and stopped cold turkey. Of course there was exhaustion, irritability and depression but that eventually faded and life was looking up. I had a few relapses but decided over a year ago (on my own), that keeping my life on track, keeping our relationship intact and my new grandson we’re all so much more important than getting high, so I haven’t touched the stuff anymore and for the first time since the first time I did it, I can honestly say that I have no desire to do it again. My longtime bf however is a different story. I think he may want to get clean sometimes but I don’t think he can, at least by himself. The first problem is he doesn’t have the ability or the desire to be honest with himself or anyone else. Which leads me to the issue at hand.

He has turned into a mean, sarcastic, jealous, controlling, paranoid, inconsiderate, self absorbed, hateful, dramatic and accusing A-hole lacking respect, accountability or responsibility almost 24/7. His actions scream “Narcissist’. I’m constantly getting blamed for anything and everything, he accuses me of all things from hacking his phone to cheating on him to moving his stuff around to lying about everything under the sun. He’s extremely paranoid and thinks cocaine has nothing to do with it! I feel so betrayed and alone

[Lozzy80]

Hi Nomorein24

Just seen this and thought I’d reply just to say I recognise everything in your final paragraph.

Not sure if they were always narcissists or if the drugs have made them that way.

 

Tonight was yet another new low for me… They happen now and then to remind me I’m better off alone …but yet here I still am. Giving chance after chance..

 

Well done though to you it’s awesome to hear of some positive recovery experiences

I like your forum name , good title

[jo@adaptoxford.org.uk]

<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 1rem; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; color: #183264; vertical-align: baseline; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: none; overflow-wrap: break-word;”>Hello,</p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 1rem; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; color: #183264; vertical-align: baseline; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: none; overflow-wrap: break-word;”>Im really sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. The Icarus  family  program can offer support and advice. You can find the self referral form at Referrals – ADAPT Charity Oxford (adaptoxford.org.uk) </p>
<p style=”margin: 0px 0px 1rem; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; color: #183264; vertical-align: baseline; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: none; overflow-wrap: break-word;”>Take Care</p>
<p style=”margin: 0px; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; color: #183264; vertical-align: baseline; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: none; overflow-wrap: break-word;”>Jo</p>

[jo@adaptoxford.org.uk]

Hello,

Im sorry to hear things are so difficult. The Icarus Family program can offer support and advice. You can find the self referral form at Referrals – ADAPT Charity Oxford (adaptoxford.org.uk) 

Take care

Jo

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