[tickle]

Please help, I spererated from my partner 6 weeks ago, to be honest it’s been rocky for 6 years and we have a 4 year old together. However after I recently had a heart attack at 39, I’ve realised life’s too short to be unhappy and things need addressing. My ex partner has an ongoing medical condition that requires pain killers, 6 years ago he was on codine and taking a months worth of max dose in 10 days, so he went bk to the gp as he claimed they weren’t strong enough and was pescribed tramadol x8 daily, thsi was fine for a month or so until he started abusing theses to, starting at 10-14 a day and then lying to gp and out of hours he’d lost them to get more Etc or buying online, however three weeks ago he managed 156 pills in 5 days, the straw that broke the camels back so to speak, he doesn’t see he has an issue, he doesn’t have a problem, his family tell me without the meds he would be in cinctant pain. But on them he doesn’t get the sensation to pee, can’t ejaculate, is spaced out, has had numerous fits and black spots, has lost 4 stone in two years as he has no appitite, they make him sweat, and his whole personally changes, when he’s like this he isn’t the man I loved, he’s agressive, I’ve approached him seeking help, and I’m told I’m bullying him, sad fact is I don’t want him to die, which is what will eventually happen, his family just enable him all the time.

So 3 weeks ago I cut all ties including stopping contact, (I should point out he’s never had our son alone overnight or alone period, he was more of a mate than a parent;but he did love our son) I have agreed to restart supervised contact when he seeks help, which he doesn’t feel he needs, anyway to cut a long story short we saw daddy put today, he approached, but he’s still not seeking help, is off his face with pin point pupils on god knows what as he’s run out of thsi months meds, and when asked I asked if he was getting help he ignored me, I was cross and in haste when he stumbled off the The Alchol section our son asked why daddy hadn’t been around, I told him daddy needed help before he makes himself very ill and dies ( or my finest hour, but truthful) why doesn’t he love me or our son enough to seek help, why do his family enable him so much, by buying him neuphen plus take a box at a time to fuel his habbit, why am I the black sheep for trying to protect my son from his drug addiction, I aknowlegde hes meeting most of his bills and funding his habbit, but I don’t know what to do, I can’t support him any futher and his fmaily are awful, thraeting me with custody battles etc, fact is if he gets help I’d allow access but according to him he doesn’t need help.

Oh I should add his gp is aware he’s addicted and prescribed propranolol on top of the tramadol to ease his anxiety, and give him extra pills when he begs her, uve raised concerns with the practice manager nothings helping. I just don’t want him to die! I live this man, we will never be together again as he lies so much, but I so desperately want him o seek help, any ideas?

[retroheadz]

Ok, firstly you sound like a wonderful mother and I’m extremely impressed with your patience! Your partner is in the grips of complete addiction denial and you personally will NEVER help him I’m afraid ???? his addiction is past the point of family help and he almost definitely needs professional help. Tramadol is the worst EVIL synthetic opioid that I have ever experienced and became one of the worst abused drugs in Ireland at one point sadly killing many. From my own time taking it “large amounts” I was totally consumed by it and did not care what anyone said to me because I needed it like oxygen! Coming off Tramadol is like burning your skin with an iron and that’s only after 8hrs without it. I wanted to die, really I wanted to die!!

Your partner is an addict and until he says “I need help” then nothing will change. His family sound like they support his lifestyle so don’t try to change them because you never will, distance yourself from them and only facilitate them when you must. As far as custody, you have nothing to worry about and I’m certain of that. Stay focused on your child and keep doing what you are doing as your ONLY primary concern is that child! I know you must still care about your partner and I would never want someone to self destruct but you can only help if he asks for it. Unfortunately he had a genuine reason to take the meds and now it has taken him so aggressively that he needs them to function and nothing will stand in his way. What you can do if you feel so strong about this is talk to the practice manager at his doctors in complete confidence and make sure they record your concerns. This will force the doctors to review him in the event something happens to him they would almost certainly be responsible and they know it. They may reduce his medication in a controlled format and offer him a substitute and treatment advice. I would also speaker to his pharmacist in confidence and make them aware if you can. It’s just my personal opinion and I know this method works but please don’t put yourself in any danger or any situation you don’t feel comfortable with because again, your priorities are with your child as you already know. The long and short is that he doesn’t have the capability to stop and isn’t able to say he wants too so unless someone else stops him he never will ???? keep telling your child what you need to and never feel guilty because every person in the world can judge but only you live in that situation. You take care

[tickle]

Thank you so much for replying, the simile, of needing it like oxygen is so spot on its scary, thank you so much. X I’m going to keep focusising on out son and to be honest my older children who too have had to deal with his addictive outbursts, it’s hurting me emotionally so much, but I’m determined my children won’t ‘normalise’ this behaviour. I know he’s affecting my own mental health even now but I have to be strong for my children., x

[retroheadz]

Yes yes and yes! Children first above anything. My child is my focus and I give my child everything possible to live a normal and happy life before anyone. We owe them that. Look after yourself and make sure you shield them from pain. If he can’t submit to his problem then he’s not ready. Good luck girl

[tickle]

Thank you.

[Author]

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