[j48]

I lost my partner yesterday and we have a 19 year old son.

He refused any medical intervention.

He died at home which was his wish with suspected liver failure judging by his yellow appearance.

I tried so hard to get his doctor involved but ultimately it had to be with his say so and again he refused!

He had no pain relief and for the last 3 days was in a lot of pain but he made his peace with me and our son and managed through laboured breaths to give us some of life’s advice and apologised a lot until he could no longer speak.

It was heartbreaking but I kept him comfortable and warm.

On his last day he was bleeding from his throat and I was so scared for him, pleaded with him to let me call an ambulance.

That night we both fell asleep in the living room as I didn’t want to leave him alone but only I woke up!

It was 3 am and I sat with him for 3 hours because I just couldn’t accept he had gone and convinced myself I could see him breathing so I didn’t want to startle him by vigorously checking for his pulse.

It wasn’t until I stroked his hand that I realised he had gone and must have done hours earlier.

Now I seek comfort from knowing that he wasn’t alone in hospital, it wasn’t a crisis like I was expecting and he died peacefully in his sleep looking serene.

He no longer suffers and is free from his demons.

He was a lovely person but the alcoholism made him very combative at times which I took personally, although I never argued back, but I forgive that now because I realise it was part of his deteriorating liver and the toxins affecting his brain.

I’m feeling all sorts of things right now…guilt, anger, sadness, bereft, numb, exhausted but I can’t sit still, every time I start to cry it immediately stops leaving me with a headache.

I look at my son who is coping brilliantly and feel guilty that I still have my Dad.

I’m sad that the alcohol won and took him from us so young.

It really was like a beautiful tree that was watered daily by weed killer making it slowly wilt and die.

It impaired his decisions and left him with a variety of mental health conditions.

It was all unbearable for my son and I to have experienced for the last 3 years and we feel a kind of relief now, which also makes us feel guilty.

I’m hoping these yo-yos of emotions will soon settle.

I’ve learned that people who are victim to an addiction will have a root cause that needs addressing before they can give it up.

Having a loving family around him wasn’t enough and we tried everything to help!!

I felt in the dark and not prepared for what would happen at the end as there’s not enough advice online and his doctor told me to expect something catastrophic to happen very soon.

I feel by writing this and sharing this awful, exhausting experience it may help someone who might be in that same position right now.

It was a peaceful ending for him and not a horrific experience as he was asleep, I had feared he would choke to death or his heart would pack up so I’m blessed he went that way.

But still, it’s such a waste of life.

Alcoholics are much more than that person who drinks a bit too much, they are suffering with something and seek to numb their pain!

Once the wound heals my son and I will thrive but for now we are missing him!

Be kind to yourselves and your loved ones suffering addiction and I hope they don’t succumb to their addictions like my partner did.

Please make them know that it is an illness that can be treated and that you love them.

Sorry this was a long item to read but it is the tip of the iceberg!

[ktesw]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have just registered here to post about my dad and I couldn’t read your post and not comment. I hope you and your son are coping ok x

[j48]

We are beginning to accept it now and have looked back at lots of photos from happier times thanks. I have just read your post and really feel for you, I felt the same helplessness and desperation that you must be feeling right now. There is one bit of positivity for you and that is your Dad is getting some help in the hospital and I really hope they get in the mental health services to help him while he is in there to work on the route cause and follow it up. Your Dad may have moments of clarity which is a good time to talk positively about recovery. When you see him talk about positive things that are happening in yours and your children’s lives as it may spark an inner desire to get better and be a part of it. Please share our experience with him and explain my partner believed he was a burden and we would be better of without him which isn’t true we would be better with him still here.

Our son is 19 and is absolutely amazing, he too worried about drinking being genetic but he has seen the true dark side of this addiction as we have lived with it for the last few years but I have told him that if he wants a drink with friends that a couple is okay from time to time and not to be secretive about it, he is very sensible. I am lucky as I can take it or leave it and haven’t actually had a drink since my partner was hospitalised a year ago. I really hope things improve for your Dad and while he is still alive there is hope.

Be kind to yourself, he will know that you have his best interests at heart x

[skni]

My thoughts are with you xxx

[destin32541]

I found your post extremely understanding and sympathetic to your husbands disease.

I have been married 35 years. My husband is an alcoholic. He has some serious medical problems, seizures being the scariest but as a retired nurse l have been fortunate as far asl know to be there when it happens.

We have both been retired fora number of years so spend a lot of time together. We do have a type of hobby that l won’t go into but we do it together.anyhow, back to the drinking. Though l don’t think it’s any worse than it’s always been, the verbal abuse is leaving me more and more in a state of dislike and disgust for him. It’s getting to the point that l don’t even like him touching me. I told him this morning that l felt like that but l don’t think it registered. I read that l should detach myself which is what l am going to do. Not just for my sanity but l am afraid that l may become violent as l cannot tolerate his comments. I know he’s spoiling for a row but l go out rather than engage. This all sounds so stupid as we can get on well at times.

[j48]

I’m sorry to hear of your suffering as a partner.

It sounds similar to our situation.

I did emotionally detach but vowed to be there for him, the arguing is so difficult and it is best to leave while it calms down.

It doesn’t mean you won’t take it personally and there were times that I argued back, and it’s those times that I reflect on now and wish I’d handled better and not said the things I said but I mainly removed myself from the situation.

It’s strange that I remember those times less and remember the arguing clearly!

It’s been 3 weeks now since he passed and I wish I could reverse it and insist he got the help he needed rather than go ahead with his wishes but I believe that had there not been a pandemic he would have.

I’m broken right now and his funeral is on Monday. He was only 48 and we’d had 30 happy years together but we could have so much more if he’d only sought medical assistance, such a waste of a life.

It’s hit our son now and he gets upset at everything his Dad will miss out on.

I really hope things get better for you and I thank you for saying I was understanding and sympathetic towards his illness, that has given me comfort and reassurance.

Keep strong x

[mmauer74]

Hello,

Thank you for sharing.My husband is extremely I’ll due to his alcoholism. This last binge he was on almost killed him.i was finally able to get him to go get medical care. He has alcoholic hepatitis. They kept him in hospital and told him if he keeps drinking he will die. He refused to go to rehab for help. They tried but he said no. It’s been 4 weeks since he was released and he kept drinking. Friday he was arrested for public intoxication and I was able to get a counselor from a rehab be on the phone when he got in the car from being released. He helped me get through to him and agree to go. I was at the end of road and out of options for him as my daughter told me she would no longer be at home anymore if he was going to be there and shes pregnant. Hes now in rehab. They said hes not doing so well as his body is extremely weak from his liver deterioration. I’m trying to stay calm and pray they can save him.

[destin32541]

How awful for you and your daughter. My husband is not that sick yet but he is heading that way as time goes on. As l said in my original post l will not leave him so l have to find ways to live my life with him. I am 68 he’s 59. This past week he has been sleeping a lot, he broke his ankle a week ago, old injury just snapped, so he has an excuse to do nothing. I am trying to keep calm and not make negative comments while all the time l am seething inside. Once he’s out of beer he will get himself out for more. He does all his drinking at home. This past year he has had several bouts of sickness and then he goes cold turkey and that’s when l have to watch him like a Hawk in case he has a seizure. I am a retired nurse but they still leave me quite traumatized. I didn’t call for an ambulance the last time as he’s usually recovering when they get here. If he stops breathing there’s no way l could revive him as he’s gotten so big. I know it’s awful but his huge beer gut grosses me out. I have never said anything to him about it as l would never want to hurt his feelings. I read your story and you sound so caring. I am just angry, frustrated and resentful. I don’t think he’s ever going to stop so l have to look after myself.l do hope your hubby makes it.

[j48]

I’m sorry to read about your struggle with your husband.

He is lucky to have your support and your will to get him to get better is so apparent.

Please know that you have done everything you can to help him and more, he is in rehab because of your encouragement.

While he is in rehab please try not to worry too much as it could make you ill, he is where he needs to be right now and will get the right treatments and pain relief.

Focus on yourself and your daughter, take some deep breaths, I find this helped me!

Realise you have done all you can.

My other half refused any medical assistance partly because we are in lockdown and partly because he was still in denial to his very end.

I am left with wishing I could have convinced him more but I realise now it was a disease that impaired his thought process.

It’s his funeral today where we will mourn the man he was before this illness took over him!

I wish you all the luck, please be kind to yourself.

[mmauer74]

It’s sad they do this. My husband also has gotten large. I dont wish this life on anyone. I can’t trust anymore due to all the lies and my mind is so bruised from all the arguing and the verbal scolding I was getting. It sounds much like you I too am the provider so trying to keep it together to maintain my ability to work is also a challenge. I want him well I just wish there was a guarantee that after this rehab stay he will never drink again. However what I am seeing with him is that evertime he heals he gets these thoughts that he is resilient and he starts up again. It’s so sad as we have a nice life otherwise.

[lasthope55]

I hope you are well and coping with your situation.

Alcoholism is a horrible disease and worse for the partners/families who feel so helpless watching the demise of the person they love (or once loved). For more years than I care to remember i have endured the constant bouts of watching my husband sink to the lowest of lows due to alcohol, then stop drinking and promise he’d change his way only to go back to his ways 2 or 3 weeks later. This time he was consuming between 1 and 2 bottles of spirits a dayand and took to sleeping in his chair as he couldn’t climb the stairs. It got to the point where he was harassing neighbours and friends to bring him alcohol (I had refused to supply it). A combination of intoxication and physical weakness meant he could no longer go to the toilet without my help (let alone walk to the nearest store to buy it himself). He fell more than once and because he’s very overweight I found it almost impossible to get him back in his chair when this happened so many times he actually urinated where he was. It was a daily occurrence, me trying to clean him up and to my shame l admit I prayed he would fall asleep and never wake up. Anyway with his access to alcohol effectively cut off her began to have horrible withdrawals. I rang a crisis line who told me my husband needed professional help, he refused. Eventually, with the help from his uncle we watched him constantly until the worst had passed. Although only I his early 60s he looked like man 20 years older. He was mortally ashamed of what he’d become and blood tests indicated that he was risking liver and kidney failure if he continued drinking. For 3 months he never touched a drop, grew stronger and loved the way he felt. Life was better for him and easier for me so when he started thinking perhaps 1 or 2 drinks with a meal or whatever should be ok my heart sank. Anyway to cut a lo g story short

[lasthope55]

***apologies pressed submit by mistake…. as I was saying

To cut the long story short he is drinking again, at the minute he’s keeping his stash in the car and finding excuses to go and down a few glugs straight from the bottle. At this point in time he is still well enough to go and buy his own but I know where this is heading….. I can’t believe he’s doing this to himself again. I have no fight left in me I’m done.

Just needed to sound off I guess

Thank you for listening

[destin32541]

It’s hard to accept that this is an addiction that they have no control over unless they seek medical help and they have to want the help. We are fortunate that we are retired but we do have responsibilities. I do feel for you having to be the one holding a job and bringing in the money when l am sure you have days when you would just like to take time for yourself. When my husband is sober he is very able, however, l have to gently hint what needs doing or he will make nasty comments and that is the withdrawal mood swing. I hate being on the receiving end. I am a very strong independent person so it goes against the grain but l know l mustn’t push his buttons. Today l am going to take my dog for a walk, then disappear to my little flea market booths. It’s not what l want but it’s about survival. I shall be glad when this Covid gets sorted so that l can travel again, visit friends and do for myself. Please take time for yourself too, even if it’s a walk in the park.

[mmauer74]

Thank you for your support and kind words. The last few days have really given me peace with him being at rehab. It’s so quiet especially at night. My daughter has come home and is actually not in her room. She even made dinner. It’s sad to think all this might be gone again. I love him but don’t want that life anymore. I dont think he understands either . He doesn’t understand the damage hes done to us. It’s a weird trapped life we are in. Ifvpeople haven’t experienced it they dont understand. They mean well but it’s just not as easy as it they make it seem. I’m working on rest and relation ..a good walk is a great idea.

[j48]

We too have a dog, he’s a godsend my son and I. We have just held his funeral and it’s cathartic to remember the good person he once was! Take care of yourself and I really hope things work out for you! Keep strong now! X

[j48]

Since my partner passed away my son has been downstairs with me, we’ve eaten together again, we have conversations that aren’t actually confined to the car or a walk when we were escaping the gloomy mood for a bit!

I believe my partner let go as he realised that giving up was going to be a huge struggle for the rest of his life and he didn’t want to burden us.

He’d been struggling for a long time but it was a very rapid decline in the end, it was torturous to witness and it’s haunting my mind but I’ve a lot of support and a pottery business to keep me busy!

Treasure the time spent with your daughter, our children are hurting too and they need and want to be your priority.

[j48]

Since my partner passed away my son has been downstairs with me, we’ve eaten together again, we have conversations that aren’t actually confined to the car or a walk when we were escaping the gloomy mood for a bit!

I believe my partner let go as he realised that giving up was going to be a huge struggle for the rest of his life and he didn’t want to burden us.

He’d been struggling for a long time but it was a very rapid decline in the end, it was torturous to witness and it’s haunting my mind but I’ve a lot of support and a pottery business to keep me busy!

Treasure the time spent with your daughter, our children are hurting too and they need and want to be your priority.

[destin32541]

It’s got to be a double edged sword for you, on one hand a peace and the other a grief at what you have lost and what it could have been. I am constantly going over in my head what it will be like to lose my husband. I have no clue what he’s up to at the moment as l am staying detached. I got home yesterday after deliberately staying out all morning. He was sat on the sofa watching tv and drinking pedialyte, it’s an electrolyte drink. He must have not been feeling good so that’s something he does to avoid a seizure. I didn’t ask. The afternoon and evening was nice and quiet and l slept so well as he was not snoring from booze.

We are very fortunate not to have any financial worries, having worked hard and being wise not having any debt. Since retirement we have travelled a lot and getting away from here helps but the covid has stopped all that. We have a huge cruise booked for December if it happens, should have gone this past Christmas. I just hope he’s well enough.

I think that this forum is going to help me a lot as l am reading other stories that mirror mine but seem so much worse. I want to have an acceptance and get rid of the anger, to be a better person and not filled with rage and resentment. I want to be as forgiving as you.

[mmauer74]

I’m sorry your loss but happy for the time and hopefully peace your finding. My husband called me yesterday from rehab said he is going great. Well I know better and he us already trying g yo come home its only been 3 days. So now its already getting grey skies. He is already convincing them he can do outpatient by friday. They are so convincing. Even professionals? Believe him. Such a hard disease. My daughter heard me talking to him last night and I can tell she got scared again. I’m so confused right now.

[destin32541]

I can only imagine. Such a roller coaster. My husband has never done rehab, just stops on his own everything gets better and 2 weeks later in comes a case of beer and it starts all over again. That is why l have to change as he’s not going to. You know only too well what will happen when he comes home at this early stage. He wants to have a drink.

[j48]

The accepting is the hard part! I’m glad you’ve had a good sleep after being out all day.

I’m not always forgiving, in the run up to his passing I was like you full of resentment for what he was putting us through, but I was also trying to accept what was going to happen. The amount of times I searched for liver failure symptoms was ridiculous but I only found how to help them stop, there was nothing advice wise for those who refuse to stop which I found difficult as I needed to know what to expect, which is why I decided to have an input here to help those in a similar situation. I felt so alone in it all!

We remembered his good side at his funeral yesterday which is sad, I now have to accept that he is gone for good!

I’m busy with part time teaching and a little pottery business but I am aware that I need to stop and rest so I am here for my son!

Don’t put yourself down for feeling the way you do, it’s a natural response to your situation.

[j48]

The accepting is the hard part! I’m glad you’ve had a good sleep after being out all day.

I’m not always forgiving, in the run up to his passing I was like you full of resentment for what he was putting us through, but I was also trying to accept what was going to happen. The amount of times I searched for liver failure symptoms was ridiculous but I only found how to help them stop, there was nothing advice wise for those who refuse to stop which I found difficult as I needed to know what to expect, which is why I decided to have an input here to help those in a similar situation. I felt so alone in it all!

We remembered his good side at his funeral yesterday which is sad, I now have to accept that he is gone for good!

I’m busy with part time teaching and a little pottery business but I am aware that I need to stop and rest so I am here for my son!

Don’t put yourself down for feeling the way you do, it’s a natural response to your situation.

[mmauer74]

Yes so today I drew the line he tried to lie and tell me hes being released so I reached out to the rehab and they told me not at all and that he is still detoxing and it’s a risk to his life if he leaves. They supported me on my decision to not come and pick him up. I told him if he doesn’t stay and heal and learn how to handle this disease he can never come home. He fi ally caved and agreed for now . Its going to be a long 30 days. I have to find my strength no matter what.

[mmauer74]

Yes so today I drew the line he tried to lie and tell me hes being released so I reached out to the rehab and they told me not at all and that he is still detoxing and it’s a risk to his life if he leaves. They supported me on my decision to not come and pick him up. I told him if he doesn’t stay and heal and learn how to handle this disease he can never come home. He finally caved and agreed for now . Its going to be a long 30 days. I have to find my strength no matter what.

[destin32541]

Your strength could save his life and actually give you the relief you need. 30 days is an absolute gift.

[j48]

I’m so pleased you have stood your ground and given an ultimatum…I so wish things work out positively for you!

[mmauer74]

Thank you all for your support . I hope for the best and yes your right 30 days is a gift. I just need to let all my worries go and trust god will touch those who are helping him get well.

[mmauer74]

Thank you all for your support . I hope for the best and yes your right 30 days is a gift. I just need to let all my worries go and trust god will touch those who are helping him get well.

[jem]

Hi J48 I’m so sorry for you and your son over your loss. I really hope that in time you can both look to a happier future. From the things you’ve said your husband loved you both very much. I agree that there is some kind of darkness in addicts that needs to be addressed for them to get better. For that they need professional help. Men can be so proud and stubborn and seem to find it hard to reach out and open up. You sound amazing and would have been a huge comfort to him.

God bless you both.

[teresa]

To J48. I am so sorry for your loss. How courageous of you to be able to share your story and offers of help and advice to others like myself who are suffering. My son who is 40 is the alcoholic. My husband and I have tried every way to help him and get him to accept that he has a life threatening addiction to alcohol. He’s still it seems under a delusion that he can have a few pints and then stop regardless of the fact that this has never been the case for the past 20 years or so. He’s back living with us now having lost a very good job because of absenteeism due to drinking. My poor husband who is 83 has dementia and I try to protect him from what’s happening in our son’s life. I’m currently his sole carer so I have no hesitation in admitting life is extremely tough right now.

I pray you can start to regain some peace in your life and also your young son.

Thank you again for sharing your very sad story and God bless you both

[jem]

Hi Teresa,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I have no idea how you keep going and being a strength for your husband. Its very hard to cut off from our children’s problems, but reading on this forum makes me realise that there comes a point where you have to take care of your own health and mental wellbeing. Watching your husband struggling with dementia is more than enough for anyone to cope with. I hope that you have other family/friends that support you. Sometimes just being able to get out of your house and have someone else cook for you is enough to recharge your batteries.

Take care x

[regdavmab]

Your post has really affected me. I am so so sorry, you are incredibly strong. I thought I was going to lose my 41 year old partner the same way last year, he refused hospital but accepted private rehab my parents paid for that I’m paying back. A few months after coming out he started drinking again, not as much but enough to cause health issues that affect his normal day to day life now. I feel he is so selfish. I’m trying to get him to stop again but he is struggling to even cut down. I wish you and your son a truly happy life, you did everything you could and are an amazing person

[j48]

Thank you so much! This really helped me as I was feeling so low and wandering about our home sobbing just now while tidying up listening to music loudly! I tend to get these little emotional outbursts (usually while driving home from work) it’s frustrating because I have questions swimming around in my mind like why did this happen? Could we have done more? How could he let himself get bad enough to die? But ultimately the alcohol won battle and I sometimes struggle with that! Anger while grieving is very strange! I’m really hoping things turn out much better for you and your partner, I really do! Keep strong yourself and take care.

[carrie80]

Hi there

I just wanted to reach out to you and say how similar our stories are. We’ve recently lost our partner/dad of 25 years to the cruel disease of alcoholism.

He’s left myself and my 2 precious babies (17 and 13 years old) broken and trying to build a new life without him.

Times were incredibly challenging for years and years but I would have them back in a heartbeat just to spend more time with him.

I spend my days asking myself “What if?” over and over again.

The pain is unbearable and then seeing your kids in pain aswell knowing there’s nothing you can do to help is even worse.

Accepting that this disease was out of our control is so hard.

He was poorly for so many years on and off with various complications relating to alcohol abuse both mental and physical. He had hospital admissions/consultant appts/doctors appts and all sorts.

We attended help groups together he tried AA and desperately wanted a different life for us all but in the end the alcohol just took over his whole mind and body and destroyed our whole family bit by bit.

We met at 16 so spent all of our adult lives together. We made 2 beautiful babies together and I’m so grateful he gave me those.

I feel anger/sadness/guilt/pain/numb and sometimes relief. Not that he has gone but that the chaos that alcohol brought to our lives has.

He was the most incredible partner and father I could have ever wished for when drink didn’t dominate his thoughts and actions.

I miss him so much. Just the daily texts and phone calls. Having someone to offload to about the kids/work and someone to share my happiness with when things went well.

Some days I wonder how we will go on without him and others I smile when I hear a song or see his photo.

He went into hospital on 25th Feb after having yellow skin/eyes for 2 weeks and never came back out again. 3 weeks later he passed away in my arms. They withdrew all treatment from him and told me his liver disease was too progressed to save him. He had 13 blood transfusions the day they decided to withdraw treatment due to bleeding varices. He had liver and kidney failure and acute hepatitis. By the last 2 weeks it had affected his brain and he developed hepatic encephalopathy. He had no idea he was dying but we did. I have no idea which is worse but I do wish he would have had the opportunity to tell his kids everything he would have wanted them to know in those final days. He held on for 5 days after the hospital withdrew all treatment and I’m so grateful for the time we had together then. I was able to tell him how much I loved him and cared for him and not to worry as I will take care of the kids. But most importantly I told him over and over not to feel guilty because he is a good man.

Please feel free to contact me if you want to. It would really help if I could speak to anyone who has been in a similar situation x

[j48]

Thank you for your message.

I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain and suffering.

I’m sorry we are in a very similar situation and we are left with all of those emotions that can be very overwhelming!

And, if you’re like me, you look at your children (our son is 19) and feel helpless for them not having a Dad at their age but they are left with us Mums and they know we have their backs, we feel their pain and we will get them through it because it’s what we do!

What we have been through is awful to witness and I do worry that this will have a negative impact on my son and I’m ready to not allow this, we talk all of the time!

I find it’s all of the ‘firsts without’ my partner that tip me over the edge and I dread the first Christmas this year, he was on his own for his last Christmas as I went to visit my parents until about 4pm and I feel really bad about that, he was invited but declined and told us to go!

I’ve been keeping myself really busy since he passed but now I’m suffering with flashbacks to his last few days, he refused medical intervention and passed away on our living room floor after a fall meant we couldn’t move him so all I could do was make him comfortable and stay with him.

When I’m doing something normal like loading the dishwasher or waiting in a queue I’ll suddenly see him having a panic attack or telling me he’s scared and this is followed by an overwhelming sadness and tears.

Recently somebody beeped at me on a roundabout and tailgated me until I turned off into a supermarket where I ended up breaking down to the cashier. People don’t know the trauma we’ve been through!

And like you I miss our conversations and dislike having to make decisions on my own too!

I would like to get in touch with you but don’t know how.

Please take care and take time to heal, our kids need us Mums!

X

[zeke]

Hello J48, thank for your understanding. I have found some of my wife’s journals. I can’t read them. She was really a sick woman. It’s terrible to see her die the way she did. I had moved out of the house for a bit to escape and to protect myself. When I would leave the house she found ways to hurt herself. Towards the end I had 911 over almost twice a week. She was passed out. One time she found away to give herself a black eye. The police investigated for possible abuse on my part. They suggested I leave for a bit. I did but I wished i didn’t. She called me at the hotel and asked that I come home. That was the day she died. Her last words were “I don’t want to drink anymore”. She died a horrid way she had puked every where and it was red with blood. I am so sorry to be so graphic. She died running away from herself in a lonely state. People don’t understand. It’s like you got to move on. We have been though so much pain. We will never find a way to forget. We will carry our scars to our graves.

Thank you may God hear us

[j48]

Please don’t punish yourself, your wife is at peace now! It is a horrible disease that gets to grips with our loved ones. My partner became very combative during lockdown and my son and I escaped these times with our 1 walk a day (which was our government rules) to cope when we were stuck in during lockdown I emotionally detached and didn’t take personally the things he said. I realise now that it wasn’t him speaking it was brain damage due to the toxin levels in his system. He was suffering with Peripheral Neuropathy which was debilitating for him, he was very anxious and couldn’t leave the house and wasn’t eating so was very thin, it was disturbing to witness his demise and he was choking on blood but in the end he went peacefully in his sleep and in the days running up to his passing (he was on the floor due to another fall) he kept apologising and thanking me for loving him, saying he was scared and then describing his hallucinations as he was ebbing away! He is at peace now and so is your wife, just try and remember the good times that you had together. Take care of yourself.

[lasthope55]

I’ve just read your post and have also emotionally detached myself. My husband also developed neuropathy which is one of the reasons he could hardly walk although recovered to an extent when he temporarily quit the booze. His brain and personality i fear did not and he is not the man I married I’m sad to say. I have accepted I will never have that man back and to be honest I think those bridges burned long ago. Our home is my security so I’m just trying to mentally build a wall of protection around myself. I do not enter into any arguments with him and when he’s awake I constantly have to listen to him berating everything. Luckily I have a couple of close friends who I meet regularly and support me when I feel particularly

[lasthope55]

First of all can I offer my condolences for your loss and hope that your son and yourself continue to cope and support each other. I recently came across this forum whilst looking for answers/support as I too am struggling to help my alcoholic husband who’s is refusing medical interventions. I agree with you that alcoholics are much more than that person, my husband was/is a wonderful man who suffered the loss of his only daughter (my step daughter) in December last year and cannot cope with the pain of grief without his alcoholic crutch. I am watching him slowly deteriorate before my eyes and feel helpless as I can’t see a happy ending to all of this. I pray if the worst comes he also has a peaceful ending

[j48]

I hope everything has improved in your situation.

I hope you take time to breathe and be you!

I hate that so many of us ‘partners of alcoholics’ have this to go through, it’s so hard to put it into words to friends and family and it’s only those who have been or are still going through it that truly know what it means and what it feels like.

Take care of yourself x

[gwlyddyn]

My fiancé was trying to cut back on his own and had a seizure and died in my arms early Wednesday morning. It still doesn’t seem real. Our wedding was supposed to be on November 8th.

I feel so lost right now.

Just know that you are not alone.

[j48]

I’m so sorry for your loss, and that this has happened to you and your fiancé.

It is traumatic and tragic but please know he was trying to give up and is at peace now.

My partner had a seizure a year prior to him passing. It breaks my heart that when they try to give up that they can suffer with a seizure, it’s cruel and shows how bad alcohol addiction is to them physically and mentally.

You must be traumatised by this, I really hope you speak to someone and seek that help that you deserve.

I really hope you can be kind to yourself, you did everything you could and you was by his side until the end.

[zeke]

I lost my wife to alcohol three years now and it still hurts. I had watched alcohol take her piece by piece for 10 years. The progression was horrible. To watch someone you love loose interest in life, pets, home, job and me has scarred me forever. To know you have been replaced by a bottle kills you. The constant lying, fighting, crying and despair has taken year out of my life. I pray when I die and I hope soon we will be whole and healthy. At times I don’t know who was sicker her or me. I had wished she would fall down the stairs and kill herself. I pulled her hair when she lied about drinking. People tell me Idid my best, I don’t buy it. I turned into a monster and not the person God wanted me to be. She is in a better place for she has done her hell. I am now stuck picking up the pieces and wishing for God to take me. I don’t know why way I’m posting this. It maybe my soul crying out for peace.

[j48]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’m incredibly sorry that you are still suffering.

This isn’t something you can just forget and get over, it becomes a major part of our lives that we learn to live with every day when we wake up, we pick ourselves up and somehow get through the day.

I feel you should be talking it through with someone, the fact that you have written on here is enough to realise that you do want to carry on with your life.

We all have the days where we feel we can’t carry on but we do, we find a way, our partners wouldn’t want us to be suffering like this on their behalves and I believe they are watching over us.

Sometimes the trauma of witnessing the demise of our loved ones to alcohol is too much, it’s overwhelming. I have days where I feel every emotion all at once and it hurts but it soon passes and I dust myself down and carry on.

There isn’t a day that goes by where he’s not in my thoughts or I don’t regret our last argument, I sometimes obsess over what our last conversation was, the last time we laughed, the last tv programme we watched together.

I talk to him in my mind and when I get stuck or hit a problem at work I ask him for his advise.

Seems silly, but I do talk to him and this helps me. I screamed at him driving home from work that I wasn’t okay with how he died and how dare he did that to us and then I felt better.

Please be kind to yourself, close your eyes and take a big deep breath and appreciate that you still have your life to live.

[j48]

Ah I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I totally understand how you must be feeling right now.

Take care of yourself and thank goodness you have close friends, I too had that at the time of need and it’s vital to your mental well being.

Hope things improve for you.

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