[sunflower124]

Hi All, my partner has been using cocaine for a number of years but recently made the decision to try and get clean. He only uses when he’s been drinking so he has to give up that as well. About 8 weeks ago I left him after another weekend of lies and I told him that was it. He organised a counsellor and said he was committed to making it work etc and all went well until this weekend when he relapsed. I understand that people relapse and it’s probably to be expected but what I can’t handle or find incredibly frustrating is the lies, and the blame which is directed at me. It’s my fault because I didn’t support him enough, and because I didn’t give up drinking. I also accused him of using again and he said I was crazy and I need to speak to a counsellor because of all my issues. I then found out that he definitely was using again so my accusations were just. It’s the lies and the mental mind games that hurt the most – I just know if I can trust him again and whether it will always be the same – sober for a period and then relapse and I have to go through the same stuff each time. We have a daughter who is almost 2 and he’s a great dad when he’s sober. I’ve told him not to contact me for a while after the weekend but he keeps trying to talk to me about our daughter and says I’m taking her away – I’m just trying to get some space for a few days after a pretty stressful weekend. The other thing is that because I was so frustrated with all the lies and being let down again, I did lash out at him and try and hit him. I’m not proud of it and know I should but I just felt so angry and now he’s using that against me as well. Any advice/thoughts appreciated…. and thanks

[lindyloo]

Hi Sunflower,

I’m new to the forum and I can sympathise with every single one of you. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through a bad time with your partner.

It’s so frustrating when they relapse, you just think that everything is going to be fine and then it’s back to the old ways again. We have the same problem with my adult son. I agree about the lies and promises they spin. They probably mean it at the time, but you know in your heart that you’re not really convinced.

Its a horrible illness that they have, and it affects everyone around them. Makes them selfish and insensitive, but the only person they can blame is themselves. It starts and ends with them. I hope he can get help through going to meetings and getting support from sponsors. It can work for some people, at least they have a network of support. But, they have to want that support. I wish you well and hope you and your daughter get the peace and love that you deserve. Be strong. Lx

[sunflower124]

Thank you for taking the time to comment @lindyloo. Sorry to hear about your son as well – it’s just so hard because you know they are a good person and have so much more to them than the addiction but they have to want to help themselves. I think they do mean it in the moment too, and want to change as who wants to be controlled by a drug and potentially lose their family? I’m trying to be understanding but with a young daughter I won’t stick around forever, it’s not fair on her. I hope things improve for you and your son also x

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