[vics82]

Hi, first time posting but I’m feeling so lost at the moment, my partner of 18 years went to rehab in February I’m so proud of him an how far he’s come and how well he’s doing he’s been an abusive alcoholic for a long time but especially last 5 years, we have 3 children together and have lived in separate houses for past 2 years for the sake of the children. I was so relieved when he left for rehab I feel like I’ve been a carer more than a partner last few years but now I thought I can have time to work on myself rather than hold him up . However as time has gone on I can help but feel a sort of resentment toward him like he’s caused a mass of destruction over the years to me and the kids through drugs an alcohol I’ve had social services through his behaviour, and now I feel like he’s in there getting all the help and support ( which he needs and I am glad he’s getting ) but feel like I’m just left to carry on with all the hurt he’s caused I just have to deal with all my feelings alone ( I have no family , and friends don’t seem to understand ) I love him he’s my best friend but I can’t shake off the feeling that he’s getting all this help an support and I’m left alone with all the kids , bills , life and all these feelings I just have to keep inside, just to add I know how selfish this sounds but I just feel there’s so much support for the addict and nothing for the trail of upset and destruction they leave behind which leaves with a bitter kind of feeling that I hate myself for having and of course I can’t speak about with him because he’s in there preparing for his nice new lease of life an I’m out here ironically using alcohol at times to get rid of my upset feelings for a while, anyone else ever experienced this makes me feel like a horrible person but I’m not I wanted this more than anything and I’m so proud it’s happening, but I’m struggling out here alone and scared even worried he won’t want me when he’s out even though I know he wouldn’t of even gone to rehab if it weren’t to be better person for me and the kids.

[thistim3]

Hi Vics82. I feel your pain, I’ve been where you are. My advice is to focus on the immediate moment, and go one moment at a time. Whether it is spending time with your children, the task at hand, or a quiet bath for yourself. Make the most of these moments and try to find the peace you need within yourself.

[vics82]

Hi thanks for reply , the rational side of my mind totally knows this , an I’m trying dieting exercising regularly self care but I’ve still got this awful resentment that I feel sooo selfish for having, the support and help he is getting is amazing and it’s so positive an I’m beaming with pride he’s doing it, but it just feels like he’s created this whirlwind of destruction then gone to heal himself an I’m just here like wtf was that and the only person I would speak about this with is him but I can’t put that on him , it’s such a strange string of emotions attached with the whole experience.

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