[walkingtheway]

Hi… I am reaching out here as I literally have no idea what to do. My partner was arrested for planning to drive his car 3 x over the limit. He was not in the car when he was arrested as he was stopped by other people. But he had his keys. The whole situation was alcohol-fuelled and awful.

He has court soon. He struggles with his mental health and alcohol abuse and has done so for several years. It feels as though this is the final nail in the coffin. He cannot communicate with me because he believes his very existence is over once he has been to court, his job, his house, everything. He is in the darkest place, and I have no idea how to support him. He can’t think about anything else.

I haven’t prayed to anything since I was a child, but I have been praying to whoever can hear me every day.

We do not live together. I have not seen him for a week and a half but he occasionally replies to text messages. The alcohol abuse has culminated in several awful incidents over our past 4 and a half years together, and throughout his life. He has high ASD traits but not high enough for the adult services to do an assessment (infuriating) and possibly signs of ADHD. He has used alcohol most of his life to engage with a world and people that he does not understand.

I am scared what will happen after court. I have promised I will support and do all I can, both our children are grown now so we have time for each other.

I just feel utterly helpless. I am respecting his need to be alone, to be consumed by it, I am just worried what he will do having lost my brother to suicide a few years ago. Which I acknowledge is me problem.

 

I love this man, to his very bones. He is my twin flame, my soul mate and best friend….

 

[Lozzy80]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, and sorry there’s been no reply until now, this forum goes very quiet at times, and certain threads disappear for a bit ????

 

If you read other posts on here you will see just how many of us spend so much time wondering how we can help our loved one overcome addiction and we give chance after chance , holding onto hope things will change…. .sometimes they do but it’s a long journey and in the meantime we have to take care of ourselves

I hope you are looking after you , all this trauma impacts us more than we realise until one day we get very sick and realise , often with regret , that we forgot to take care of ourselves .. im in that awful place right now. I’m reaching out now for counselling to try and understand myself better as to why I have never kept boundaries and looked after myself. I was one of those who never thought any of this would ever happen to me . I now have 3 different life limiting illnesses, at least one of which I am sure was caused by the trauma of last 5 years , and all 3 exsacerbated by it

So PLEASE look after yourself , reach out to friends and family if you can , speak to your GP /counselling services if haven’t already… And do something nice every single day for YOU .

 

Wishing you all the best, and get to read this and to know you are not alone Xx

[jo@adaptoxford.org.uk]

Hello,

Im really sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. The Icarus  family  program can offer support and advice. You can find the self referral form at Referrals – ADAPT Charity Oxford (adaptoxford.org.uk) 

Take Care

Jo

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