[strawb]

Hi,

Joining this is a last resort for me I would really appreciate some advice. Me and my partner have been together for 5 years he would take cocaine at parties I never thought it was a problem I let him do it was harmless fun. As years went on I realised he never has money he earns a decent wage but he never has anything to show for it he will wear old clothes and shoes and spend hundreds on drugs. He has asked to borrow money off me before as a 1 off to get people off his back. He constantly has a blocked nose and there has been numerous occasions I would find an empty bag during the week of the remains of a line on our worktop. He lies constantly about where is money is or tells me he hasn’t been paid and it keeps me up at night. We are w great couple we would be perfect if he didn’t have this problem. He went to classes to help him but he was still going out all weekend using it and spending all his money on it . I know he takes in sober people have reached out to me to tell me. He tells me he has it under control and is going to change but nothing ever changes years pass and the problem is only getting worse. It’s making me down and depressed and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is really appreciated.

[chelsie]

Hiya I recently went through this experience with my husband for almost 2 years who started drinking more and more heavily and then ended up with a hideous daily cocaine addiction during which time he became more and more abusive deceitful and manipulative – it will get worse and worse and worse until some event will happen or he will hit rock bottom . I would say if he’s trying to hide or deny this and things are being left around and money is going missing his habit has got really bad my husbands was like this at the end – his nose was completely blocked daily dripping blood he couldn’t even speak properly as he was putting this stuff up his nose and damaging it daily . Eventually his job and business was going down and everyone close was starting to get affected by his abnormal and antisocial behaviour – he completely broke me and tore apart my character making arguments on purpose to give him and excuse to drink or use and tormenting me with false accusations and blame continually for his ‘ unhappiness ‘ which literally came from nowhere we had A happy life he created delusions and had psychotic episodes around these delusions t detract from what he was actually doing . From your post it looks like you’re being pulled down with him like I was – please please please make sure you prioritise yourself unless he wants to get help and there’s a significant degradation/ rock bottom life experience for him he will NOT stop and there’s nothing you can do to stop him his drugs are his number one priority so you need to somehow make yourself number one so he doesn’t drag you down too . Get as strong and detatched as you can , formulate a plan if you can somehow let someone know what’s going on so you have some real life support or join a support group online ( I have done this through details I got on this site ) so you can Talk to someone about your experience and they can help you . If he loses you that maybe enough for him to want to get clean but on the road he’s going down it’s just going to get worse – thinking of you it’s a really horrid place to be and you don’t deserve it at all

[zen]

It’s the hardest thing to go through this when you love someone, I’m to in a similar situation whereby the love I have for him seems to be deeper than the respect I have for myself. When it’s good it’s brilliant but as soon as the opportunity to get coke is there he gets it, I keep him close as I don’t want him off with idiots where he’s gone for days on end. But this time his psychosis was so bad as he hammered a load in a short time and drank a lot he was out of it and he’s left after accusing me of all sorts and said we are done. He has even took my phone. Now I sit here waiting for him to get in touch not sure when I became such a mug.

[hox-26]

I’ve been through all of this and I’m now two years down the line. I had to get into my head that the person I loved was no longer there. Cocaine turned him into a monster and that is the way he has remained. In fact he now tries to manipulate me even more. It’s not going to happen though. I’ve got my self respect back. I’m no longer going to look pathetic in his eyes. I’m a strong woman, strong enough to say that’s it, you made your choice.

Keep well.

[Author]

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