[kaya]

Hi new here. I don’t even know where to start.

Essentially my partner is an addict, and has been having increasing suicidal episodes. We aren’t living together currently as I became really sick and had to move out to shield from covid and have help with care whilst he works. This has taken a big tole on our relationship because we can barely see eachother. But increasingly, he will call me, drunk, telling me he’s going to end his life.

He acknowledges he’s an addict but doesn’t think it’s problematic, that it’s better than being sober and that he will never be a sober person. He refuses to be open to any type of help for his mental health. He knows I struggle with his drinking – he had a problem early in our relationship, and treated me really badly during this time, so for me it’s very triggering on top of being worried about him. He feels a lot of guilt and shame over everything – which fuels his bad mental health and drinking further.

He also lies a lot so I’m constantly trying to balance being honest with not giving him reason to hide things. He recently revealed to me he’s also been doing hard drugs for the past few years, that he hid from me. I’m so terrified that the suicidal episodes are increasing and the addiction seems to be getting worse.

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