[need2talk]

Hi all

Was wondering if anyone can give me some support. I met my current partner in late 2018 we were friends at first it was complicated. Eventually near the end of 2018 he confessed to me that he had a problem with cocaine for around 6 months. He wanted to deal with it, so he did and he went away for a bit came back and had a complete change of life. He proposed to me when he came back everything was great.

We have set our wedding date for 2021.

A few months after he proposed he relapsed and admitted to me he did. He promised he’d never go there again, and as far as I’m aware he didn’t.

Recently over the last 2 months I’ve noticed a change in him, so I confronted him.

He admitted he has been using again around once a week for the past 2 months. He told me that he didn’t want me to find out as he knew he would lose me he also said he had already gotten to the point where he knew he has to give up which is why he didn’t tell me as he wanted to deal with it.

I of course explained this was the wrong way and no longer trust him. Was honest with my feelings told him I feel betrayed etc and that it’s affecting my mental health. However I offered my support and reassured him he can beat this.

It’s only been 2 days since he admitted his issue.

I’ve set my limits, I’ve told him he needs to give me his money so I can start saving for our future. He’s agreed to everything, I’m trying to disable him from using the money for drugs, I am also aware that he can probably get into debt with these people so me taking his money won’t be the end of it. He was positive about this though and was happy with this idea.

I also suggested he change his number and wipe his phone and suggested he contacts the drug and alcohol service. I gave him the details and told him I expect him to contact them by tomorrow.

Am I doing the right thing? I have also explained to him that his sole purpose for giving up has to be for himself and not for me and he said it was however I was also a reason for him to stop because he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me.

I just need some reassurance and advice, I feel depressed and I do feel betrayed I have told him clearly how this is effecting me e.g. lack of concentration and sleep as I don’t think I should hide these things and should be upfront about the effects on me.

I just want someone to talk to, I have called the FRANK helpline and they’ve been so good but I need real people with real experience.

His family are aware so I can speak to them however my family don’t know and I won’t tell my best friend as she will resent him and I’ know she will never be able to forget it even if he does eventually give up.

Sorry if I sound jumbled it’s nearly 4am and I can’t sleep sorry for the long essay

[need2talk]

I forgot to add another thing.

I need to learn how to trust. Can any cocaine user advise me.

He will speak to me at night till very late before bed. And then he wakes up for work. Whenever he speak he’s really loving towards me and attentive, and even when we see each other in person he’s so loving. You can just see how much he loves me. Always small gestures like holding my hand, buying me my favourite chocolate or drink. Things like that. I just thought when your hard on coke you don’t want to be around people and your love life suffers? Do all coke users suffer differently? He’s never abusive towards me even when we argue and I say things to him he won’t react badly and remains calm

[need2talk]

Anyone around to reply ???

[icarus-trust]

Hi

Thanks for sharing your story. If you think it would help please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people who are affected by a partner’s addiction. If you contact us one of our very experienced and trained people would be put in touch with you. They would understand what you are going through and may be it would help talking to one of them.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck to you.

[Author]

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