[wilma]

I have been with my partner for 8 years and he drinks everyday. I haven’t known a day where he doesn’t drink. Of late, he is drinking more and more and doesn’t remember the horrible things he says and does to me.

I am not at the point of leaving as I can’t cope anymore, I am emotionally drained and this is impacting my health. I worry that if I leave he will end up dead as there is no one here to make sure he is ok and then I will have that on me for the rest of my life.

I have no one to talk to about this, I feel so alone and hate my life when he is like this. I am young I know I have a lot to give in a relationship but I am so scared of leaving. Any advice I would be grateful for? I can’t speak to my family or friends in fear of being judged.

[miko134]

You sound like such a caring and considerate person. I know you’re scared leaving him will be dangerous, but in truth, staying with him is enabling his drinking, which is just as dangerous. The things we think we are doing for their own good are often the things that are harming them.

His health is not your fault, but being such an empathetic person, you would feel guilty if he got extremely ill from drinking, or did something terrible that harmed himself, because you would feel your staying lead to this behaviour.

Of course neither is your fault. But you can do your best to give him a chance to get better. You can’t fix him, but what you CAN do is encourage him to get help. What you can’t do is make him get help. Print out some info of groups, maybe get some pamphlets etc. Put the power in his hands. After you have removed yourself from the situation, post them through the door.

Then leave knowing you have done all you can. You have done what’s best for yourself, and for him. You are no longer enabling his drinking, and it is now on HIM to help himself.

[Anonymous]

Hi- I know just how you feel – it sounds exactly like my day to day life- fortunately, our relationship ended recently but alcoholics are extremely manipulative and play on our kind hearted ness!

I too couldn’t talk to anyone as I thought I’d be judged!

It’s extremely frustrating, the lies, the denial, abuse!! Everything!

feel free to talk to me – my relationship was only 18 months so I can only imagine how mentally and physically exhausted you must be

[Author]

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