[jap88]

This is my first ever post and I am feeling totally lost I have never done any drugs myself but my partner of 3yrs and father to my 1yr old has a cocaine addiction!

He has walked out on us Friday morning to go and live with his old drug dealer.. before our relationship was serious my partner went through a divorce and he told me he used cocaine as a block to that hurt, he has 2 children from that marriage and contact with those children did not go ahead this Easter so he has been upset since. He left me for a cocaine binge whilst I was pregnant with our son and I begged him home and he came home and blocked the dealer and got help and he stayed clean since (our son is now 1). I wish I could say I see this latest departure by him coming but I did not, he hit the roof over a yoghurt on Thursday evening and called me a bitch and stupid cow infront of my two older children (not his) we had been on a picnic and walk that day and had a lovely day so this was very out there blue. I put the kids to bed and then I very calmly said to him ‘I know u are stressed and upset about not seeing your other children over Easter but u can’t take that out on me especially infront of the children’ with that he punched the sitting room door he has never in 3yrs done anything like this I was shocked and said tomorrow u can leave an I went to bed! Fast forward to the morning I had to go out at 8am for my covid vaccine whilst I was gone he packed up all of his stuff but whilst I was gone I was texting him saying how much I loved him and didn’t want him to leave to which he kept saying ‘I’m going u told me to’ I then started thinking that he may actually want to go and this may have been pre planned hence the argument over a yoghurt and he hung on to the one thing I said that he could use to leave. I got home from my covid vaccine begged him not to go and within 10minutes his drug dealer from previous was at my home collecting him, he’s been there since Friday and I’ve not heard anything from him since Friday not even to ask how our son is. I am in absolute bits I keep crying and I can’t eat I’ve had upset stomach. To make matters worse the man he’s staying with is financially loaded and will ‘employ’ my partner to tasks like gardening or maintenance on the property then he will offer my partner cocaine and low an behold the money get given back so in effect he has my partner living there working for cocaine so financially my partner doesn’t need to think ‘how am I going to pay for it’ as it’s on tap.. I just feel so lost I want him home I want to help he’s been clean for a yr so I’ve seen the person he is the dad he is and to leave and not ask about his son is just so out of character. However looking back when I piece it together i have thought that it could look almost like he planned this binge as we r not a couple who argue or fight we cuddle every night and laugh everyday together. I’m hoping for advice or experience as half of me wants him home and the other half thinks how can he leave our son stay silent now 3days on and when I asked him to look at his son and don’t leave for drugs he just left in that car ????

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