[kmw]

Hi.. so I’m going to try and summarise!

Been with my long term partner for almost 12 years we have 2 kids under 4. We are best friends, we don’t argue we love each others company life is great! If it wasn’t for his cocaine problem!

In the early days I was always told it’s what everyone does.. we were young I turned a blind eye for a long time. It has never been daily use or even weekend use it’s very sporadic, I have tried to think of triggers etc but I can’t! Lately he seems to be doing this when things are really good at home.

So my partner will be going out to watch the football or maybe an arranged boys golf day, drinks with his brother whatever it may be. And he will keep in touch for a certain amount of time then it stops. My calls and texts are ignored and most of the time he’s out for almost 24hrs!

I’m not controlling, I have always gave him freedom to go out go on lads holidays etc and to be fair I have turned a blind eye and allowed it. Anyway the past 4/5 years these 3/4 weekly blowouts started becoming more regular maybe once/twice a month. I started to dread every time he went somewhere that involved friends or booze as I worried he wouldn’t come home!

When he does come home he will walk in and try to fit in to daily life like everything is fine.. but I’ve been at home for 2 days with 2 young kids worried out of my mind. This always ends in a massive argument where he becomes irate and shocked that I want him to leave!

Last year I kicked him out twice both for around 10 days/2 weeks, he lived with his mum and it was an awful time sharing the kids etc.

I have always took him back after days/weeks of promises that it will never ever happen again and how much he loves and misses me and the kids.

Something will always pop up.. someone’s birthday.. an occasion.. I never used to mind him taking it but now I no instantly and it makes me angry. We left a family party early in June as I knew he had taken it. He went on a golf trip in august and I knew he looked awful when he got home! Then this weekend was a day out with friends few beers.. he left at 11am and came home at 11am the next day.

I’m then hit with so much but I was doing really well,, I know I have a problem but I don’t know what to do.. in my eyes it’s self pity as he doesn’t care for my feelings prior to this only his own.

I have given him the ultimatum of coke or our family about 5 times the past 2 years.. and he keeps letting me down. I don’t want to call it a day and feel I’ve abandoned him but this is destroying us!

As I say it’s a strange situation.. more of a binging issue than constant addiction. But it reads it’s head a few times a year and destroys our family. I have always trusted him but now I can’t help but think awful things when he’s out off his face for so long!

I don’t really know what I’m looking for here.. anyone in a similar situation? If not just a rant! X

[eddie123]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

They also provide free treatment for those seeking help from addiction, however as as a family member wanting support I would deff get in touch with them.

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