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Where do I start, without crying as I type. “I’m going for cigs, won’t be a min” famous words of a compulsive liar. Left the house at 6pm, returns at 4.15am
In the meantime I’m left to put his kids to bed, which is never easy without two of you
I’m not an addict “you’ll never understand” and his right I don’t….why or how do you put that little white rock before your own kids, partner, before the bills are paid and there is food in the cupboards.
More importantly why am I still here, to take the verbal abuse, be put on a guilt trip if we literally have NO money at all.
I love the man he used to be, but loathe the addict he has become….as the song says….”should I stay or should I go????”
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What is he using? If you don’t mind me asking?
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I’m guessing crack ….This is a mirror image of my life unfortunately. Partner who “nips to shop, I’ll be 5 mins” and rolls home 1k lighter 3 days later…..and I have to pay bills, run the house and look after 3 kids. Yep, I’m living the dream. And you can’t leave because you love them and you don’t want to give up on them.
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Liza – can totally sympathise. My partner is living at my house and his addiction getting worse. He puts drink and sniff before – in my opinion – his own children. They stay with us every other weekend. They are great but the little one is still getting used to me and won’t let me change her nappy. I will never force her and scare her so I always wake him to do it. Sometimes he complains and I go ballistic at him for neglecting his children. I was busy working at home this week and I gave him £25 to get chicken nuggets, oven chips, apples, orange squash and yoghurts. He phoned whilst out for another £20. Expects me to believe he spent £40 on it!! I thought he needed fuel.
I feel like a fool for supporting him because I’m pretty strong and financially independent. I want the old him back who was sweet and kind and didn’t lie. I haven’t asked him to leave because I hope rather than believe that he will change. His father was an alcoholic and died of a heroin overdose when my partner was 9. It seems no matter what you do, the apple dosn’t fall far from the tree.
I don’t have any helpful advice – but you not alone and when you are ready you will have the strength to do what is needed.
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I’m new on this forum but I understand completely. I’ve begged my partner to give up. He takes the car and disappears for hours on end. I’ve got to the point of hiding the car keys and cards because I dont know what else to do. He missed our childs birth because he ‘couldnt cope’. Im embarrassed and ashamed of myself and honestly cant see a way out. Ive asked him to leave and he wont, I think his ‘wonderful’ family have advised him to sit it out while I pay for everything. I wish I had some advice for you but I wanted you to know you arent alone in this and I know most days we feel completely alone and stuck. I want him to go as no child deserves this, I grew up with an abusive drunk of a step-dad and it was awful. I never wanted this and put off ever having children and then my little one happened (I refuse to say accident or mistake). Now I spend most days beating myself up (mentally) over my little ones future. He wants rehab but no one seems willing to help, or at least thats what he keeps telling me. I refuse to fully get involved as he needs to look into it and really want it for himself. Sadly we cant afford to send him to rehab (he spent all the money). I wont say stay or go as I have no idea what to do myself but I would put a plan in place incase you do want to leave at some point. Maybe just knowing where you can go or what you can do might make things a little easier?
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You lot seriously need to start showing some tough love. If they won’t go rehab tell them there’s the door you just need to be stronger. I once used and I had been giving tough love changed my life
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