[jennaks]

Hi, I’m hoping this is the correct place for this.

I guess I’m here because I have no one to confide in about it.

I’ve been with my partner for over 15 years and right from the word go I knew he smoked a bit of weed. As our relationship grew it became pretty clear that he also had a problem with Cocaine, where he had racked up a bill of over £2000 in a two week period but with the help of his friends he stopped but still took part in it on rare occasions. Christmas ect.

Moving forward to now. This last year has been terrible, he walked out of his long term job of 25 years due to the new management bullying him, she made his life hell which has sent him into a downward spiral. He has been in and out of jobs for the last year being unable to settle and feeling really low but right now he enjoys his current job but he drinks heavily when he’s not working, I’m talking over 8 cans. Smokes weed constantly and about 3 weeks before Christmas I caught him snorting cocaine. He told me it was a one off and I stupidly believed him.

Come Christmas night and I wake up at 2am, I could hear him downstairs. Again I find him taking cocaine, we talk and he expresses that since leaving his long term employment he’s been doing it on and off and has been hiding it from me.

He then tells me that he’s possibly spent about £2000 on it which just breaks me heart. Mainly because I’ve been the main income over the last year due to his troubles with finding suitable employment. I’ve worked and worked often doing 80 hour weeks so we can survive.

I feel a little cheated but I’m happy I’ve found out. He also expressed that he wants to give everything up, cocaine, weed and drink and told me take his bank cards so he couldn’t spend. He is clearly depressed but won’t go to the GPs and I’m worried that he’s going to fall off the wagon again.

Is there anything else I can be doing to help him? Or any advice anyone can offer? I’m scared for him.

[debc]

Hi, JennaKS,

Welcome to the Forum and it is the right place to come and share your story with lots of people in similar situations.

Your partner needs to get on some of the on line meetings for AA, CA etc, if he really does want to give up everything. He has to want to do it for himself, and he doesn’t have to talk, he can just listen.

Try and persuade him to go to the Doctors, at least it’s a starting point and would show you he really wants help.

Keep in touch on here and look after yourself as well.

Take care.

Dx

[jennaks]

Thank you for the advice.

Again I’m at a loss, my partner handed over all his bank cards so he couldn’t spend then yesterday evening when I was at work he told me he’d used again. He hadn’t lasted a week and I feel so cheated by him. He said he felt guilty the moment he did the first line.

He deleted the dealers number from his phone and told me he feels like a failure.

I want him to see the GP cause he’s also clearly depressed but when I mentioned this he said the GP won’t do anything.

I spent most of the night crying and just feel at a total loss. I just don’t know what to do.

[debc]

Hi JennaKS,

It’s so hard living with an addict, and the trouble is the dealers will let them have the cocaine on tick (I think that’s what they call it), and this racks up the debt even more, it really is a viscous circle. I don’t about your Town, but you can get I everywhere where I live.

Addicts are very manipulative and even now after years of it with my Son, he still manages to do it to me, then I feel like kicking myself for being so taken in yet again.

Take care of you.

Dx

[leedsjlc]

Hi JennaKS,

I am so sorry for you going through all of this.

I have been going through similar with my wife for 2 and a half years and trust me when I say that removing the accessibility to money doesn’t cure this situation. And as a previous post has mentioned, addicts are master manipulators, so you cannot take what is said at face value. My wife deleted all the dealers numbers, but she didn’t screw up the scraps of paper, the notebook with the numbers in, the social media friends who were in that scene, so it made zero difference. If they want it they will get it.

I went through a really hard time trying to protect my children from this whilst dealing with the situation as well as working full time etc, and i kept everything to myself and thought I could cope, but that was the biggest mistake. Once I opened up and got support (from here, private counselling, family etc) it made the whole situation much more manageable and even though every day is still a fight I find my ability to cope with it is far enhanced.

There are support mechanisms for addicts out there, and they must go to their GP to get a referral, but they have to be wanting it 100% otherwise it doesn’t work. I would push for that because if your partner really wants help, its the quickest and easiest route to it.

Main thing, don’t blame yourself, don’t feel guilty for getting support and ensure your health and wellbeing are paramount. Don’t stop doing things you would have before, whether that be the gym, watching films, socialising, whatever it is, keep been you and realise you are strong enough to get through this.

Take care and good luck.

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