[peartree-girl]

Hi it’s my first time of writing a post. I met a recovering addict 8 years ago and things were great for two years he remained clean.

Then his father died and for the last six years he has been using heroin and crack on and off. He will stop for a few months and things will gradually get back to normal then out of the blue it starts up again causing devastation in the home and in our marriage. Three years ago it got so bad he stole everything from the home including my daughter’s things that I got him to leave and changed the locks and tried to get on with my life. He still kept in contact with me and after six months apart he assured me that he was going to get clean and stay clean so foolishly I took him back. It was okay for a while then it gradually started up again. I am now stuck in a situation where it has got so bad again he dissapears off out for long periods of time, he spends all his money on crack, he has sold anything valuable from the home. He is cold distant and abusive calling me names blaming me and telling me I make him use. We argue every day as I cannot take it anymore it feels like hell on earth. Life does not have a purpose anymore it’s just miserable and sad. Our whole marriage is a lie and he lies to me every day about everything. He goes to open road to collect medication and I guess tick boxes but I don’t feel he has any intention of changing. I cannot go on any longer living like this and ask him every day to leave. He tells me he won’t leave and will only leave if I give him five thousand pounds. I don’t have that sort of money. I work two jobs to make ends meet and he has never paid a penny to one bill or my mortgage. He then goes on to threaten me saying if I leave him he will ruin my life and loose me my job he will kill me if I meet someone else.

I can’t leave him as it’s my home my mortgage and my daughter lives with me. He is so selfish and only seems to think of himself he sees me crying most days and calls me a baby there is no empathy or understanding from him about what he is actually doing to me.

I cannot live the rest of my life like this and I deserve so much more. I just need some advice on what I can do to resolve this situation. As we are married it doesn’t seem that easy to throw him out and when I’ve tried that in the past he has turned back up kicking the door or threatening to smash his way in.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Peartree Girl,

Thank you so much for posting. I’ts really sad to read how hard life is for you right now. It does sound like you could do with talking with someone who would understand what you are going through.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust, that offers support to people who are in similar situations to yourself. Please contact us and you can talk with one of our experienced trained people. Talking might help you to know what to do next as well as finding out what other support is available to you.

You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck. I hope you can get some help.

[lastresort]

Same for me. It’s a nightmare. Luckily we don’t live together. We see each other weekends have a great time then he goes home and uses for a few days. Same again and gone on too long. It’s becoming a very boring vicious cycle. Addicts are very very selfish when In active addiction. I give him zero money and refuse to see him if I know he’s using. After two failed rehab attempts I’ve decided to end it for good if he doesn’t commit to recovery. Life’s too short to keep getting dragged into the chaos. I’ve learnt a lot about the disease of addiction but I’ll only be by his side if he commits to recovery. Heroin robs everything from possessions to health and is soul destroying for all involved. They are not to blame for the addiction but they are responsible for their recovery and without recovery heroin will destroy everything in its path without any exceptions. I was happy before I met him and if need be I’ll ensure I’m happy again with or without him. I don’t mean to sound harsh and I’m very supportive when he’s engaging in recovery but I will provide nothing that will help him continue to feed the addiction because it will never ever be satisfied. We can drive ourselves crazy obsessing about them but they’re the only ones that can change it and. Without putting recovery first then everything else is usually lost eventually. Blaming anyone but themselves is easier. Your post other than being married sounds like my relationship x

[Author]

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