[lolarose]

Its not you

But its me,

Infatuated with you,

who protects and loves me,

who i’ll someday be like too.

its the days of going away,

no calls or texts or anything to explain

no sleep or appetite- ide wait.

only to be reunited with gifts

before again she runs away

its not you

its not abuse

its not neglect

in any of its sense

But its me,

watching you,

sweating, shaking, screaming

“mummys ill, mummys dying,

what do i do?”

In-between hallucination and sleep,

she would scream the most unforgettable of shrieks,

see for me,

these are the memories i keep.

see i praise you, you handled it well,

but by the end of the week

it just couldn’t stay hidden

from jumping off the walls

to lifeless, bitter and completely bed-ridden

but its not you,

its not abuse,

its not neglect,

in any of its sense

But its me,

who eagerly awaits that morning

for a days plan you promised high,

but you have no recollection,

so you come and shout

with empty eyes

see its these forgotten promises,

and false hope i really despise

it taught me to stop believing

since everything turns out a lie

but its not you,

its not abuse,

its not neglect

in any of its sense

But it is me

having to deal with different versions of you

depending on how much you’ve taken

or the last time you used

see

after a while

this really took a toll,

it left me feeling empty,

so far from being whole,

the more strangers that entered

the more i began to resent her

and soon

my love turned cold.

Its not you

its also me

dont you see?

[debc]

Hi Lolarose,

Welcome to the Forum.

That is a very powerful message and also very sad.

I hope that you are ok and have got people to support you.

There are lots of people on here that you can chat to and also the Icarus Trust would be able to help you too.

Take care.

Dx

[lindyloo]

Hi lolarose

Sad but beautiful, take care of yourself, your mum is still in there somewhere.

Love the addict, but hate the behavior.

Take care of yourself.

Lxx

[Author]

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