- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by lindyloo.
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January 2, 2021 at 8:45 pm #6386lolaroseParticipant
Its not you
But its me,
Infatuated with you,
who protects and loves me,
who i’ll someday be like too.
its the days of going away,
no calls or texts or anything to explain
no sleep or appetite- ide wait.
only to be reunited with gifts
before again she runs away
its not you
its not abuse
its not neglect
in any of its sense
But its me,
watching you,
sweating, shaking, screaming
“mummys ill, mummys dying,
what do i do?”
In-between hallucination and sleep,
she would scream the most unforgettable of shrieks,
see for me,
these are the memories i keep.
see i praise you, you handled it well,
but by the end of the week
it just couldn’t stay hidden
from jumping off the walls
to lifeless, bitter and completely bed-ridden
but its not you,
its not abuse,
its not neglect,
in any of its sense
But its me,
who eagerly awaits that morning
for a days plan you promised high,
but you have no recollection,
so you come and shout
with empty eyes
see its these forgotten promises,
and false hope i really despise
it taught me to stop believing
since everything turns out a lie
but its not you,
its not abuse,
its not neglect
in any of its sense
But it is me
having to deal with different versions of you
depending on how much you’ve taken
or the last time you used
see
after a while
this really took a toll,
it left me feeling empty,
so far from being whole,
the more strangers that entered
the more i began to resent her
and soon
my love turned cold.
Its not you
its also me
dont you see?
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January 2, 2021 at 10:56 pm #20327debcParticipant
Hi Lolarose,
Welcome to the Forum.
That is a very powerful message and also very sad.
I hope that you are ok and have got people to support you.
There are lots of people on here that you can chat to and also the Icarus Trust would be able to help you too.
Take care.
Dx
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January 3, 2021 at 2:11 pm #20332lindylooParticipant
Hi lolarose
Sad but beautiful, take care of yourself, your mum is still in there somewhere.
Love the addict, but hate the behavior.
Take care of yourself.
Lxx
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