[jetster9]

I do not see the point of this lifeline! People bare their souls on here, and get no response, as I did not the last time I posted! I am out of here!

[februarymarie]

I’ll talk with you. My story is an alcoholic son. I don’t know yours, but I joined because I need to talk with people too….

[jetster9]

Hi, thanks for getting in touch. I just find it frustrating sometimes, a need to maybe lash out a bit, verbally. I am sorry to hear about your son, how is he getting on? My son is receiving help for heroin addiction, and it is a real worry, as he doesn’t live nearby. The support he is receiving appears to be a bit peacemeal. Wish there was more help available!

[februarymarie]

Hi- thank you for reaching out- it means a lot! My son is not currently sober. He says he’s working on it, which is a common thing, but it doesn’t get better. We’re not talking a lot right now because he wants time alone. It’s just really hard for me, it makes me feel like he doesn’t care. It’s a lonely journey for us as parents and I’m glad we have each other.

❤

[jetster9]

It’s very difficult to know what to do for the best! It’s great your are giving some space. I guess it’s his journey, but so hard, as he’s a member of your family to do this. Have you tried Al anon or AA? X

[februarymarie]

If you don’t mind, I may reach out to you again sometime. I’m in the United States, so we have the time difference, but we’ll manage.. 🙂

[jetster9]

Hi. Didn’t realise families from the USA contacted the forum! Yes, you ard very welcome! “I will have a look at your post, and thanks for posting. I feel better already for the messages on her today. X

[februarymarie]

Who knows, maybe I’m the only one from the USA, but here I am!

[jetster9]

Hi, well if it helps, why not? X

[februarymarie]

I’m here for you as well, anytime you want to reach out. We need others to hear and I thank you for hearing me….

❤

[bt1978]

Hey jet

No one intentionally ignoring you it’s hard to follow posts on here

[kel1]

Perhaps if you could share more information you might get a different response maybe. I guess the point is that we share information and relate to it.

Sorry you’re going through this painful journey.

I’m always here to listen and help where I can.

[jetster9]

Hi. Actually, I have put more info on here. Discovered son was using heroin. He is receiving help from a drugs programme, but obviously they are mostly working remotely. The latest is, he is on a heroin substitute, when he went to do a urine test, he was unable or refused to do it, although he told me he had done one. Once again, he has another test this week. They may take a swab instead of a urine test. The thing is how far do you go as a parent? I want to come and give him a lift there, but it’s 2 hours drive away, and he is wondering why I want to come?

[jetster9]

Thanks also BT1978. You’ve replied before! Yes, you are right, it does seem a bit difficult following stuff on here. Doesn’t help when your not great online, which is moi!

[bt1978]

Hey

No worries

This is an emotive and difficult subject that comes up alot on here.

It woukd be easy to say cut ties, but the reality is he is your son and you care and real life doesn’t work like that.

It is good that he is in a substitute programme but be careful, many use that on top of their Intake – definitely something to look out for. The best, but hardest thing is total abstinence -, again far easier said than done.

What may help is support for you learning to live with this stuff which is extremely difficult

[jetster9]

Thanks again BT1978. Yes, that is a worry, that he has been using the substitute as a top up. Apparently, I’ve been told, that this can have an adverse effect, and people tend not to do it again.

I will hope we get some answers, after the next test, and hope it takes place. Good point. When do you decide to cut ties with them?

Difficult, don’t think I am quite there yet!

[bt1978]

I knew a guy that was in the script and taking snack for years, he was just out of it all the time. It was heartbreaking to see.

Regarding cutting ties, it’s how much you can handle and whether the person wants to get better and into recovery I guess

[jetster9]

I agree, it is heartbreaking to see people seemingly throw their lives away to addiction. I guess you are right, people can only take so much, we will see. Thanks for replying, its really been helpful.

[februarymarie]

Yes, I have done Al Anon for a few years. It’s not my favorite because it’s so scripted. You’re not really supposed to talk about your “person”, it’s supposed to be about fixing yourself which is good too, but that’s why I’m so glad to have found this place because sometimes I’m having such a bad day and I need to reach out and talk about him.

( If you’re interested in my story, you can look through the threads for “Mother of Adult Alcoholic Son).

[kel1]

It’s good he is on substitute treatment, however as it’s already been said on the most part people tend to use on top of their medication! It’s all about getting titrated up to a therapeutic dose and aim for stabilisation at this point. He would need to engage with the psychosocial interventions also to get the most out of his recovery journey. Unfortunately, people end up “grouping” with others at certain services which puts them in a high risk situation and then so there’s the social element to overcome!

Heroin is as you probably know physical, psychological and social etc so all these areas of a persons life have to be managed. It’s a powerful drug and a part of his programme will require UDS testing minimum every three months for safe prescribing.

It’s a long journey and I hope you can support at a safe distance. Cutting ties is easier said than done when it’s your loved ones.

Al Anon is great and I struggled with some of the concepts, however I did learn new ways to cope and understand my own reactions to the addict. I gave up after a while as I don’t think I was ready to start looking at me. It almost felt like i did something wrong, although that’s never what was taught or implied. It was just so hard and heartbreaking to explore my journey in a public forum.

Wishing you all peace at this time and reach out whenever you need.

[jetster9]

Hello, thankyou for your reply. Yes, important for him to get the test, as refusal to do so, shows he is using as well. He gets the heroin on the dark web, so isn’t mixing with other addicts, or using needles. It’s all undercover. I am not sure of your background, but I wish you well. X

[kel1]

Oh, if he is under a drugs service he would have to be tested as part of safe prescribing and refusal to do so could lead to his treatment being compromised. In other words they shouldn’t keep prescribing without a test completed.

Usually when people use heroin, crack cocaine goes hand in hand. Not everyone but most people I think that’s prob why I spoke about “mixing”. Even alcohol or anti depressants. Reason being is because they’re all “depressants” and can lead to respiratory depression.

My background would take me forever to explain but let’s say I’ve pretty much dedicated my whole life to help people in addiction, plus been thru it a bit as a loved one, lost people to addiction and nearly lost myself in the process.

It is heartbreaking, confusing and difficult to say the least.

[jetster9]

Hi. Yes, it is a worry about him refusing the test, that’s why I want to go up on Friday to make sure he has it. Don’t want the drugs programme to lose faith with him. They aren’t perfect, but it is all we have at the minute ! They told me that the first test they did in him should traces of cocaine, but not crack cocaine, which is a slightly better alternative ! It is definitely a heartbreak business, but thanks for your commitment.x

[kel1]

Might be worthwhile seeing if you could go on his treatment plan so that you can be a buddy support for him. That’s if you want to or can obvs.

Substance misuse practitioners wouldn’t lose faith as we are there for them not ourselves and it’s their recovery not ours.

Take good care x

[jetster9]

Hi, yes thanks! I do have contact with the WDP family person, but it’s a bit hit and miss, they are very over subscribed!

I will keep the faith for now.

You take care too x

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