[kdc81]

Hi. I found out last week that my husband has been a cocaine addict for 18 months and I had no idea.

We have had problems for a long time as he has mental health issues, an addictive personality, has emotionally abused me and is very controlling and then his behaviour for the past year has been very erratic and problematic which I now know is due to the cocaine.

We had a very bad patch in December and then I found out he had been drink driving (and now I suspect drug driving) and got several driving convictions through that he is waiting to go to court for plus had borrowed money from lots of people and was massively in debt. He told me it was due to gambling at this point but have since found out it was due to drug use.

We decided to stay together in December but start from a clean slate and try really hard to get everything back on track. Unfortunately it has got gradually worse and culminated in him claiming to have a spiritual awakening and having hallucinations and seeing people’s auras.

It all reached a head last week and I told him I was leaving him and it all then came out that he was a cocaine addict and I found out that I have been living a lie with him for 18 months.

I found out the drug dealers were delivering to him at our house where we have 2 young children and that he was still using at that point. I was terrified by this and his behaviour.

I chucked him out at that point and he had been living in a hotel in a bad way, and sending abusive messages to myself and my family until he was persuaded to go into a rehab clinic where he is now.

He is in a financial mess and is in clinic for 3 weeks but thinks he is going to be miraculously healed by the end of it and come back and play happy families. He wont accept that it is over and in the moments he does, says he is going to come back to live in the house with the kids and be the primary carer if I decide to leave him (which I have already told him I have). He thinks that love will get us through this and we can continue as normal.

He has barely shown interest in the kids in the past 8years and part of our problem was that he hardly ever wanted to do family stuff together and if he did, always had to shorten the time spent together when he had had enough. He is now wanting to play happy families and have the kids 50/50 and keep the family home which we are in the middle of renovating. He is also in a very stressful job which isn’t going to help in the long term.

I’m terrified he is going to try and force me out of the house and keep the kids with him. I have always been the primary carer due to the hours he works and have always had jobs that can fit around the kids so I can look after them. To go from this to potentially not seeing them half the time terrifies me and I don’t know where I stand with letting him have them for visits. Also, if he stays in the house, I’m worried the kids are going to want to stay there due to it being their home. He is willing to take tests each time but I have put up with so much from him over the years and his indifference to the kids and now he wants to suddenly be the primary carer.

Do I need to worry about this being allowed as he has been to rehab and if he proves he is clean or is it something that will never be allowed?

Thanks for your help.

[kdc81]

Also, even if he has gone into rehab, how likely is it that he will stay off it forever?

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