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I have posting about my son who has relapsed after 2 years. He has maintained that he is stopping drugs. Home test are not clean.
I caught his dealer at the house yesterday and obviously he bought drugs.
I am struggling emotional with the lies and the bare face manipulation. I am also harbouring deep feelings of resentment towards him.
I honest cannot fathom who would choose a life of isolation, no friends, unkempt appearance and Nothingness over human connection and having choices.
Any thoughts anyone ?
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Hey cath I have some, happy to share, conscious you have heard me before
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Hey Cath
The dealer being at the house tells you all you need to know. He may well pass a test on 31st July but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been using, or won’t right after – addicts are resourceful, manipulative and cunning – I know, I am one.
I can also tell you that when I’m caught up in all that I don’t care if I’m alone, who I’m hurting, whether I look like a tramp, whether I have washed – I just care about getting my fix and myself and that’s it. That’s just what happens when the drugs take over
You need support with this. You can’t tackle this alone
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So what’s the answer to a mum who dispairs. As an addict how can I help my son. I have stopped finding him but with that comes the fear he will lose his job and home. He has bled me dry and really doesn’t care
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I wouldn’t say that. I owe out far more than I give that’s for sure. Any help you need let me know
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Got to admire your honesty BT1978 and totally agree with you. When in the midst of addiction, anything/everything else goes out the window.
Addiction has common signs and symptoms – behavioural, social, physical, psychological etc.
No “addict” would choose this way of living, but by the time they take a look at what they’ve become they are in way over their head! Essentially they lose control of themselves, however they can choose recovery!
Perhaps for yourself Al anon might be a place for you to access some support, and guidance on understanding the nature of addiction, but also to help you to “detach” and learn new ways to cope whilst dealing with this.
It’s heartbreaking and frustrating I can understand that, especially when dealers are hanging about the home environment. I can go into detail about the “role” of a dealer, but ultimately as the other comment said ” it tells you all you need to know” he is obviously not in control and requires help, but sadly he would want to get help and sometimes that can takes a long time.
Rock bottom always has a basement. It’s the devastating reality of addiction ????
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Well Said kel!
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I would be interested in this as well
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What’s happened
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You can’t disconnect from your family, at least not quickly. Additionally do you want to deep down? Remember though this may be pissing you off – you do have full sight and knowledge of what he is up to, where he is and what he is doing and that can be an advantage. I’m quite sure if you turfed him out you would soon worry about what is going on.
You are absolutely RIGHT to cajole him into getting up and having a conversation, moving etc.
How old is he again? Do you have any males that could reach out to him?
Has he ever had any friends?
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What is his choice of substance? And although it’s difficult as he is your family you can learn ways to detach, but it takes discipline and it’s not easy at all.
A good book called “paths to recovery” AA and Al Anon concepts helped me understand these coping methods.
It starts by asking questions like:
Do I agree that I cannot control another person’s substance abuse or their behaviour?
Do I agree that addiction is a disease and how would that change how I view this person?
How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
How do I feel when the addict refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond?
What would happen if I stopped trying to change anyone else?
How can I let go of other people’s problems instead of trying to solve them?
Do I take care of others easily and not myself?
You get the gist right? It’s all about re focussing on yourself. At the end of the day, he/she will continue to use until they want to stop. He has mental capacity so it’s down to him.
You could try Al Anon support groups as I’ve suggested previously to learn more.
You could ask if he would allow you to contact a drugs service so they can have a chat with him!
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Well done Cath…!
You can’t control other things sadly, but you can take care of yourself… Thanks for coming back and sharing, so many people make one post and you dont hear from them again
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Nothing special honestly, just good to turn something totally rubbish into something that can help other people. This forum really helped when I was broken and going through withdrawals so it’s good to be able to pay it back.
Keep us updated!
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Hey Cath
The million dollar question we all want to know… Lol!
It depends on lots of different things usually how much he was taking and for how long.
Remind me again what was he taking? Was it opiates or sleeping pills? Some things to make you aware of on them both
Congrats though some progress it seems!
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Oh boy.
The good news is that it hasn’t been years of abuse, but the bad news is he is certainly going through withdrawal of some degree.
Typically I’d say two weeks until you start to feel some sort of normality, maybe longer if he mixed benzos in there.
I should caveat that with two weeks for the physical side of withdrawals. After that is the mental side, which frankly was even more horrible. So that is anxiety, insomnia, depression and such. The good news is that if he isn’t using you can at least get through to him and work with him to get better at least
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It’s positive, but be very careful and cautious. In terms of recovering from addiction this is intensive care. He will need to fill up the time and get to work in himself as soon as he is well enough. Good nutrition and exercise are also key
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Hey Cath
What exactly happened?
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Sadly lapse/relapse is part and parcel of addiction. I’ve never known an addict that hasnt lapsed or relapsed at some point. Sorry for your upset, it is frustrating.
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I agree with Kel. I’d love to paint a rosey picture here but it isn’t the case.
Part of the issue is that there is not sufficient recollection of the pain and suffering you caused yourself and others with addiction, hence going straight back to it… Unless of course you ha e some sort of support ongoing
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How you doing BT1978?
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All good here. Just back from a family break. A whole lot better than earlier this year…!
How about you?
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Good for you. Glad life is more positive for you now. It’s good you reach out and help others, takes courage that.
I’m alright, suffering in this heat. I’m probably the only person who prefers cold weather ????????
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If it wasn’t for those guys on here lord knows where I’d be now.
Ha you are not the only one!!
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Do you attend any meetings or just sustain recovery here?
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I did a ton of aa and have a sponsor, the lockdown has hampered that a bit, zoom. Meetings are super useful. I do some NA meetings too. I find it hard juggling that with a full time job and family, it’s all about balance I guess. Just got to get to grips with my chocolate addiction next!!
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Ah good for you and I always say that even if you go to atleast one meeting a week or when you NEED (because you would know). And yeh life is about balance you’re right. It’s good you kept your family.
Chocolate haha do you need a care plan for that ????
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Hey cath, it’s doesn’t sound like he really got clean sadly. You are right you can’t watch him forever, he needs to speak to someone in the same boat as him who he identifies with
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Lapse = A one off
Relapse = Back to full addiction, patterns and behaviours
Hook up?
No addict will do anything because of others. They will do it because they are addicted and because they choose/want to use.
You can’t watch him forever no definitely not and even if you did he will only get better at hiding it or manipulating you or worse take him deeper init.
Hope you have people supporting you Cath
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From a non using perspective I can understand how hard it is to understand. Maybe he wasn’t clean? Or atleast fully! Cravings can come and go anytime, especially if under some sort of pressure/stress. Triggers are everywhere! A mood swing can be a trigger, even LIFE can be a trigger!
It’s how one manages their own responses to life unfortunately, and so if someone has unhealthy coping strategies when the chips are down then I’m afraid they fall back to that (as a crutch). To kick an addiction takes enormous strength and willpower, along with a s**t load of “tools” in the tool box.
It’s a journey and one journey that’s walked alone, well in terms of wanting help etc
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It takes time. And I suppose that if he has had some sort of clean time it shows some motivation. Each time should get longer and longer until he has enough of it. But he’ll need help from others and himself. It’s a rollercoaster for sure
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Does he want to stop?
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This will Co tinue until he concerns to his innermost self that he has a problem. Stopoi g taking drugs, doesn’t mean you are clean iteans you are abstinent there is a big difference cath.
BTW… What are the chances of meeting your dealer at the shops…. Lol
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What you say is correct… In a sane non addict mind.
What may help is reading and looking at videos of addicts and how they think. You will be shocked to find that sanity and sensibility doesn’t come into it.
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You good Danman?
Ah I don’t think it’s easy for someone to understand the nature of addiction if never experienced it so it’s not funny really! It’s heartbreaking.
It’s unlikely he “bumped” into a dealer, that’s the lies right there. It’s so easy to want to believe what’s being said because you don’t want your son using at all, I understand that. However, keep an open mind, I’m sure you had some sort of incling? If not you’re gonna wanna think like an addict, and you’re going to have to understand the behaviours of one.
Hope you’re alright’Cath
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Ye thanks Mel. How have u been? Back to basics again for me. I keep on messing up every 2 to 3 weeks. Just had enough of it.
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We’re all addicts luv in one sense or another!
I can understand your frustrations. I must be f**Ked up then because I have spent half if not nearly all my life understanding addiction and I have to say it’s been the most rewarding journey of my life.
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My son is an addict I have spent thousands paying dealers debts bills to no avail I have been trying to help him manage his money he now accuses me of taking his money and is demanding it back. It’s money I have used for some of his debts buying him food. Getting him to work. I have now turned my phone off I know he won’t get to work for the rest of the month. He is dragging me down with him. I cannot keep giving him money.
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Have you got similar problem how are you coping. I feel so bad for not continuing to give him money it’s never ending and when he doesn’t get it he is so abusive. If it’s not now it will be soon but he will lose his job he gets so incapacited he can’t go to work. What do I do
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When you say change out behaviour do you mean not enabling. I have decided that’s my route I should have done it years ago he is 28 now. I dispair of the future Sounds like you have really been through the mill with your son. So sad x
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Thank you is there any end in sight for you. It has gone quiet at the moment but I expect he has either borrowed money to get to work or in the morning I will get a barrage of abusive messages about how I am ruining his life and how heartless I am watching him struggle. In fact I care too much I wish I had backed away years ago maybe he would be ok now
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Yes they have started. How am I meant to get to work then. He says the money I took that he owed me (I didn’t get it all) for debts food etc I have stolen from him he wants it back. I am now ignoring him. It breaks my heart to hear him like this he has had 1000s off me he is bleeding me dry.
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Thank you the analogy with the plane makes absolute sense and reassures me. Thank you for your kindness and prayers x I will let you know how tomorrow goes
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Well my phone is off I feel sick to the stomach because I know my son won’t get to work which means he will lose his job. I should have done this years ago when he didn’t have much to lose but I know if it continues he will take me down with him. I hate this so much. He will blame me as usual for his plight not the dealers who he can’t stay away from or his on line gambling. Not his decision to ignore his bills and debts expecting me to pay them off. I can’t do it anymore
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Thank you I have. Week of work I should be doing things not just being stressed about my son. I will stay with not giving him any money and see how this goes I will also turn off my phone when his text get to much
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Keep strong Dan mate
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Thanks
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Thanks mate. I’m getting back to doing what I usually did.
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Hey Dan, you know I sometimes think the weather plays apart in our decisions because I dunno about you my moods change with the weather which affects my resolve.
Anyways keep talking and remember the self care stuff.
I think life is just one fat trigger anyway at the moment ????????
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Yep, 100% if the weather is great it makes me want a drink, and to use. It changes your mood so quick. Plus listening to music as well lol
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Yep it’s always the “associating” factors. In a way it’s sort a like the sun represents the “up” and the crap weather the “down”.
It’s just hard but you can ride out those things you know that.
Music releases the natural chemicals so the brain thinks it’s “party time” which then triggers the using ????????????
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Plus Ive got it in my head do I want to miss out on not having a drink the occasional weekend or go out. But I’ve started to think I need to give up everything to fix it. It’s just sticking to it
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I think you’re right Dan, they seem to go hand in hand. It’s called euphoric recall, it’s where the brain recalls information triggering a response. At least until you rewire and give yourself some time free of it all.
You can do it
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Thanks kel
I’m glad ive come back on here. It helped me out a lot last time.
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The longer you stay sober the easier it will get mate just take it a day at a time
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Thanks cath and your right. I bought a guitar 3 month ago and I’m loving learning it, I practice everyday for an hour, except the day after I have used and then when I play 2 days later. I feel like I’m not as good. And it’s because I was obviously using. So I’ve thought deeply about what’s more important. As this is a long term goal of mine to be good at it lol
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Hahaha thanks. I hope so.
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Euphoric recall is a red flag for us addicts. Tells me that drinking and drugging is OK, will be great, just like the old times, and none of the crap I caused, pain I felt or any of the horrors seem to be sufficiently recalled for me to think twice unless I’m in a good space. Definitely a flaw in the way my mind works!
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I think swapping ideas and helping one another out goes along way in recovery. Plus, you’ve always been supportive Dan and that’s what we do in life.
We all just walking besides one another ????
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Ye that’s true. My mate asked me go out in a few week for a drink. I told him no. Feels crap. But Ill feel better in the long run.
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That’s the thing isn’t it, not only do you have to decline invites but also manage the feelings around it. Of course it makes you feel crap! It’s like youve put yourself in time out. But, you know the consequences, so id say make different plans with the family and forget the invite or tell yourself “another time”.
Unfortunately, giving up the addiction = changing your whole life, which means everything you know. That’s the reality of recovery and it’s a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended)
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Ye your right. I’m gonna say no. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve totally forgot about what your story is. Can I ask again if u don’t mind lol. It’s been that long I’ve been on here. Sorry
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Maybe I am doing something wrong I am asking people for advice and being ignored my life is in tatters I don’t know where to turn where do I go for advice on my coke addicted son
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Hiya Kate hope your OK. Can I ask what’s your situation and his now? Does he live with you? Is he using everyday? Does he want to stop? The help is there for him. I know what you are going through because you sound exactly the same as my mum was with me, but I was bad on weed then and I quit that.
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Hi thank you for replying I feel so sad about the situation. He has been using coke for years I have I inadvertently enabled him helping him with debts trying to sort his money out etc. It’s not getting any better. I told him when he got paid this month put money away to get to work he said he would then two days ago he says to me well how am I getting to work. I told him if he hadn’t kept money back I would not be helping him. He is already on a warning at work. After a load of abuse I turned my phone off and am determined to leave him to it. I haven’t heard from him I don’t know if he is at work he doesn’t live with me. I feel sick to the stomach but I cannot give him more money he has bled me dry
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Stop right away giving him money Kate. He knows you will and will use emotional blackmail on you. Just stop that right away. If he needs some food but him some. But don’t get to the point we’re he spends all his money on coke then expects u buy his food. Tough love is now needed. And ye it is hard.
I’d sit him down and have a conversation with him. No shouting or anything like that, and ask him does he want help to quit. And get some help. But you can’t support him anymore and it’s breaking you.
He really does need to want to admit he has a problem and want the help. Otherwise your flogging a dead horse.
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Plus there are loads of reasons in wanting to stop. Mine are.. My health, my children, my family, my job, it effects your mental health. Depressed for days after using, it stalls future plans. Just try and make him aware of some of these things.
It’s like having an abusive partner and you think there is nothing better and I’m worthless. But there is, and you will find better and you will be a lot happier.
Sometimes I say addiction is a bad routine we are in and it’s like we are stuck. He just needs to have some focus and goals.
I know I can’t say out, I’m lapsing once every 2 week at the mo. But I’m doing my best again now and have set my self some goals.
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I just don’t want to see him lose everything and he will without my help. I am flogging a dead horse though he pays no bills whatsoever apart from sky which of course he wants
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Sometimes he wants to stop but generally he has no reason to I don’t know how often he uses but as soon as he gets paid that’s where the bulk of his money goes
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Thank you I just feel so helpless. He is bleeding me dry I have to leave him to it or he will take me down with him. He is abusive when he doesn’t get what he wants from me
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And I don’t think he does not really
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Hi kate
Sorry you felt ignored. One of the things I noticed is it isn’t easy to see who is replying to who here sometimes.
I echo what Cath has said. If you can get him to just sit in and listen to an NA meeting online that would be a start. He doesn’t have to turn the camera on or speak, just sit in, listen and try to identify.
Do you know how to access these?
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Sorry no I see what you mean I wasn’t sure if I was even putting posts on properly. I just feel like screaming at the minute. I know the only thing to do is nothing and wait till he wants. Really wants things different trouble is he may have lost everything by then. No not sure how to access the meetings and my son has been quite abusive recently demanding money that I am not in contact with him at the minute.
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By the way just to say doing nothing isn’t an option, you can do lots of things as suggested above – but for you and no one else.
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Thank you. That all makes sense. I suppose the same as all other mums dads families I just feel so helpless I love my son but sometimes I hate him. I dread seeing his name come up on my phone because I know he wants something. This time has been bad because he was actually making threats that’s how things have got. I have made it clear there is no more money and I have stuck with it.
I had his bank card to try to stop him taking all the money out that didn’t work and he has demanded that back. I am talking to someone from Drugfam and Famanon and now on here. I struggle to accept there is nothing I can do but as you say there are things I can do to help me and that’s what I will aim for x
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You have to stay strong or cut ties. Self preservation is key here. The addict will take until there is kiting else left. Ask yourself what would he be doing now if you were it there
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He would be on the streets if he had continued as he is that’s for certain. I should have stopped trying to help a long while ago maybe he would have been ok now
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Hey Kate
OK let’s take a step back and break this down to try and be as helpful as possible.
To start with it’s helpful to understand what you can control and what you can’t.
Things you can control:
Whether you give your son money so he can carry on
Whether you stay in contact with him when he is being abusive and demanding money
Whether you take steps to get support and make sure that You are supported, looked after and have somewhere to go when this gets too much.
Practical suggestions here
No more giving him money. Clearly outline this to him. You can do this verbally, and then follow up with a message, letter or email clearly outlining what you have said. Equally important is you telling him. How you feel. Whether he accepts this or not is his problem, your side of the street is clean and nothing has been left unsaid.
Contact – this is very hard, but unless he wants to do something to change this, you may need to cut contact off. Logically it is not doing you any good at all, you are being abused all constantly. No one should have to tolerate that.
Support wise. You know you can post here and there is support any time. I also suggest a counsellor for you and dealing with the impact on you personally. You can also work on coping techniques here as well. Also, take the time to learn about cocaine addiction. This is for You not him. Understanding it, what addicts are like and how they behave while active will quickly help you make sense of what is going on. There are tons of videos on YouTube, forums and web resources to start with this. Once you learn this stuff you will know what he doesn’t.
What you can’t control:
His addiction. You are powerless over this. The only person who can change that is him.
His financial situation. Unfortunately this comes hand in hand with addiction. Think logically, you bailing him out hasn’t impacted this positively in any way, it’s enabling him to carry on unaware of the damage he is doing.
Finally you cannot control whether he wants to change or not. There is nothing you can do to jump start this. It has to come from within him. The idea that he can be rescued is a fantasy, albeit a very sad and painful one.
Start working on these things. Logically you are in recovery yourself from his addiction and the damage its doing you – this is going to require work on your part and facimg some really painful truths, but you do have support and you can get through this.
Finmy never ever forget none of this is your fault.
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From what I can see there’s been a ton of advice on here ????????. And other post’s. That’s how it works. That being said you could always share your own story and then in that way they will give you what you need and comment just to you. It’s all about observation here, however if you require some one to one support then I’d suggest counselling for yourself Kate, and or support groups such as Al Anon.
When I speak, I speak to all, hoping that experience reaches e everyone and not just one person. Take care!
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Thank you yes I have shared my story ten years ago and came back to say nothing has changed. My fault I suppose for trying to help him. I just feel helpless like there must be something I am missing or not doing but maybe it is what it is and like so many others I have to just protect myself from my sons addiction and hope that something will happen to make him want to change. I am sorry if I sounded abrupt it wasn’t meant like that. I just am at my wits end with him
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If there’s one thing I’ve learned about addiction it’s that there is very little one can do to change another’s behaviour. As heartbreaking as that sounds its true. Sure, you can be there for practical things, but I think we’re talking more emotional here, and because you’re his mum, and been doing this for many years you must be exhausted and at the end of your tether! That in it’s self is just absolutely heartbreaking and I’m sorry you’re going thru this.
You have to look after yourself, as they say “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. One approach talks about the change in us. So, what that means is this: if we change, the things around us begin to change. Our perspective, our thinking, our behaviours and ultimately our needs. The hope is that this promotes positive energy which attracts more positive waves. I suppose in some way the “addict” may see this change and then want the same.
It makes sense but in practice that would be a challenge. It means we are forever changing… Some change with us and some don’t. And at some point we have to decide for ourselves what we can let go of and what we hold onto.
Happy to talk things through with you Kate anytime. Be nice to yourself.
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Hey Kate
Stepping back for a second, do you not think a great deal has been lost already – look at the impact it has had on you for example
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He lost last job his partner and his baby daughter even she wasn’t enough to pull him round. He says he is better than he was. Still doesn’t help me cos he still wants money
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Sadly he will have to get to the pont where he has lost enough to make him see sense. Giving him money will just drag this on and on, but the outcome will be the same
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Yes I have come to that conclusion but it doesn’t make it easier I know I need to do it though. He will hate me. Sometimes I think he does anyway
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Try to remember that in active addiction, no one is really thinking or talking straight at this point. It tends to be the substance taking over from here on in, and the actions tend to be all about getting that substance and nothing else.
None of this is easy at all, and I think the forum has been super careful to make that clear.
Do you think reading up on addiction from the perspective of the addic lt may help reconcile you with everything going on?, this is to help you not him
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Yes reading up may help me understand. I struggle with how much money he gets through. When he gets paid I assume he has to pay people off but it’s never ending
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Tell me about it Kate. The using never stops and there are even crafter ways to find the money, it really does strip you of everything.
Getting education on how the addict thinks and works my really help you – doesn’t mean you have to like it, accept it or change for him but you will have a clearer idea on what is going on here. Always here to share as much as I can stay strong
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What is your story if you don’t mind me asking.
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I’m a a recovering alcoholic. 12 years sober. Also a recovering prescription drug addicts, about 3 and a half months clean. It runs in my family both sides
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Well done. Alcohol is difficult to get off I have a cousin who is alcoholic. Tried to stop several times but not managed
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I am not sure he does want to stop sometimes he says he does and will make the right noises but within a couple of weeks or when he has got money out of me he is lost again. I think I have given up hoping he will stop I don’t think he will unless something major happens. Yes my thoughts are of him being on the streets with nothing it breaks my heart
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Tbh Kate if it’s addictive I’ll ha e a problem with it!
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Bless you. I have quite an addictive nature as well never know when to stop
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It is a complex condition to be fair, but, once you are actually honest with yourself and recognise what you are and your behaviours you can go on to recover and live a good life.
I’ll never work out whether it is nature or nurture that causes it. I. My case I think it’s both in abundance.
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I often wonder. My son, looking back was showing initial signs of drug taking/experimenting whennhe was about 15. I think now why didn’t I see it, could I have done something ,would things be different now. He will hate me for not giving him money but at some point I have to stop. In my heart I don’t think he will recover from this. My worst fear is that he will end up a drug addict living rough. I know he uses coke and maybe I’m being thick here but when he has taken something he won’t let anyone see him surely coke makes you chatty and sociable
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I do sympathise with you, I am going through a similar thing with my son. He has been receiving help from a drug programme. I took him for a urine test, he has been taking a substitute drug for heroin. He told me he took the test, but his counsellor, said he hadn’t. He has got another one next week. I spoke to a really nice lady from Families Anonymous, 02074984680.They have zoom meetings for family members of addicts, may be worth a try. I am going to sign up to do this. Good luck to you.
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Most addictions start out feeling good, but as time goes on deep down you know it’s a problem a lnd there is probably alot of guilt shame and remorse which is why you don’t want people seeing you. I know I didn’t. If people don’t see you I can do what I like and don’t have to face up to anything.
Everyone has the ability to recover, it’s how badly do you want it which is they key. I have seen people who looked completely hopeless go on to fully recover and get really well. It is possible
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Thank you for that. Yes that makes sense I am sure he is disappointed in himself why would you want anyone to witness that. I take a bit of reassurance from your last comments and pray he will be one of these cases. I haven’t heard from him and won’t contact him. I suppose I am scared to hear if his job is on the line. That will be the beginning of either his recovery or downward spiral x
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This is so hard Kate, I really feel for you. With this stuff there is no manual or guidebook, it’s not like fixing a leaking tap or fridge sadly.
I always rember a line I read in the AA text which said something along the lines of ‘No man wants to admit he is bodily or mentally different from his fellows’ – I certaiy didn’t as I was petrified of admitting it. That thinking kept me sick for years.
Part of the daunting thing about admitting you have a problem is the sheer amount of fixing you have to do with all the carnage you have caused. Many people don’t want to face it and carry on into oblivion. Also recovery takes a long time – that prospect to someone who wants an instant fix to feel better is also daunting.
I know you are worried about his job, it’s likely that if the drug use carries on that will be affected any way. If he carries on using it will be far worse than losing a job.
I assure you that anyone who is willing can and will recover, if I did, anyone can
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He lost his last job they were supportive because he was honest with them. He still kept taking time off and they let him go. This job is going the same way and yes you are right his recovery is more important. All this is so alien to me you work you pay your bills you build a life. I hope that as he is 28 he has time Well I hope
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I hear you.
Addiction corrodes everything good in life sadly, that’s why it’s so heartbreaking whether you are a son, daughter, husband, wife, aunt, uncle – it really doesnt care.
It’s such a shame as finding employers who are understanding is like gold dust, even they have a limit.
You have to remember most normal people do just that, get up, work, pay their bills etc.
I’ll never forget years ago I was staggering home after bingeing on drugs a night and there was a guy just washing his car at 8 in the morning. I’d have given anything to swap places with him and do something normal. That’s something I never forget when I’m doing basic things like that today, as silly as it seems
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No I understand that. To just have a normal life I know my son would want that. It sounds so stupid but I just want to hold him and make things right and there is no way I can fix this only he can and I hope one day he will understand that what I am doing now is because I have tried everything else and it’s keeping him there
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I get it.
Is there any way at all you can get through his head and have him seek some help?
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Not at the minute. I think it’s when he is low he wants help. He started going to cocaine anon then we had lockdown he says he still in touch but I don’t believe him. He has to come to me now and ask for help not financial but support which I will always be here for. I should have left things alone last year his ex left with the children he was going to court for rent atrears I went with him explained his situation he got suspended order but he still doesn’t care. It’s only cos I arranged for rent to come out when his pay goes in that it gets paid. I step back now
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It’s the only way unfortunately
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Hey Cath
Sadly this is typical addict behaviour again. Deny, avoid etc etc. Even in the face of a message.
The fact this is the second time he has met his dealer tells you all you need to know about how serious he is on recovering, he simply isn’t ready.
Tbh I don’t know much about testing, the absolute state of me told everyone all they needed to know when I was using, so I’m not sure what to advise on that.
Sounds like it’s make or break
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Putting you off the scent maybe or hoping too.
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Check you out taking your power back. Good for you. And glad you’ve found support here. ????
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