[modnar]

Hi.

I’m at a loss here, and really don’t know what to do. I’m honestly almost in shock. Hope this post is appropriate.

Long story as short as I can. My mom is 60, has gone through some really tough things for many years now. We are really close, but recently she have seemed kind of distant. Not interested in much, actually. I feel horrible for letting this happen.

Spoke with her on the phone yesterday. She seemed really off, so I went there. She was really drunk, and had also taken quite a bit of painkillers. I let her sleep it off, and stayed over.

Sidenote: She always emphasize that she never drinks. Says no to wine over dinner and so on.

I got a really bad feeling, and suddenly I got a feeling that this was the “missing piece”. I checked her phone while she slept, and saw that she is shopping at the liquor store multiple times a week, for quite big amounts. It was obvious that she drinks a lot. Also me doing that was WAY out of line. She has a right for privacy just like anyone else.

I talked to her in the morning about the drinking. She kept saying that it was a one time thing, “she never drinks”. I obviously know now that she does, but the way I found out is just not okay. Did not tell about me going through her stuff. It was a nice talk overall, we talked about how she’s feeling and stuff.

My question: I love her to death, and I just want her to get help. I also don’t want to make things worse. For anyone who has been a “secret drinker”: Would it help or hurt if someone found out? What would have been the best for you guys in this situation?

I really hope that this post get approved and someone answers. I am so worried for her mental and physical health.

[jay-bee]

What a terrible shock for you, secret drinking is probably the worst sort of drinking as you need to find someone actually drinking to know they are. I don’t blame you for going through her phone, there is nothing wrong with this, you are just looking for some clarification on the situation. I think the only way to check in is to go over more often and build up a picture. You are in a difficult position, doing nothing isn’t helpful but tackling her is going to be tough. I would try and find out why she is drinking, is there a trigger at all. There is a theory that people self medicate when they are not fulfilling the normal needs of a human being. There are around 9 needs and they are things like intimacy, privacy, attention, having a purpose, being recognised and a few other things. She may be struggling with something that hasn’t been obvious and she has started drinking to block it out

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