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I have been with my partner for 7 years. Although I denied it to myself in the beginning, he has been an alcoholic the entire time I have been with him. It came to a head in June last year when it was effecting his work. Unfortunately we both work for the same company and so in June the truth about his drinking became obvious to many of our colleagues and management. Thanks to a huge support from our management team and my family, my partner started his journey to recovery in August. The detox was easy, something that we are both aware is very lucky. He attended support groups run by his alcohol recovery group for 12 weeks, and continued attending SMART UK meetings following being signed off from the service. He was doing unbelievably well, had improved his health and was much more motivated to sort out his flat and partake in exercise. I am unbelievably proud of him. We have never lived together, and part of this was because of his drinking, however he became focused to get his flat into a condition that we could make it a home and start our future together. COVID 19 then hit, with social isolation and not being able to see each other as much as we do not live together. 2 weeks ago he admitted he had been struggling with no being able to go swimming as much as he could and couldn’t attend his meetings. He was finding it difficult when going food shopping and being made to queue down the alcohol aisle, wondering what difference it would make if he had a drink if he was not in work the next day. I tried to support him as best as I could, but he became more stressed with work.

This weekend he drank. He drank on Sunday so he didn’t have to go to work on Monday. He didn’t got on a bender, but still drank and did not turn up to work that morning. He said he was doing it to self harm, that he didn’t know why he did it and he regretted it. He dialed into a virtual meeting that evening and said he did not want to do it again. We had a conversation where we talked about how the trust had been broken, and that we would have to work from the beginning again, but that I would be there for him. Last night we had a brief conversation before I went to work where things appeared normal. Whilst I was at work I received a phone call from a mutual friend to advise that she had been receiving strange messages from my partner and that she was worried about him. I left work and went to his house and found that again he had drunk.

We had a rather intense conversation where he made threats towards me, something that he has never done. He accused me of not understanding what he is going through and being part of the problem. As you can imagine after 7 years, and particularly after the support I have given him since August this has broken me. He said he loved me, but didn’t want to be with me anymore as there was nothing there.

I’m writing this not really expecting a response or solution. There is part of me that hopes he wakes up in the morning sober and be more aware of what he said. I also understand that this will be enabling him, and maybe after 7 years of dealing with this that maybe is it for the best that we part ways.

He has been an alcoholic for 20 years. I knew that this wouldn’t be easy and a blip was likely, but I was unprepared about how this would make me feel if it did happen. Has anyone had a similar experience where they have been able to repair a relationship broken by alcohol? Is there a chance that this is a one off blip or is it more likely that this has happened and is how it will be from now on? I understand that I shouldn’t put up with this, but I love him and we have been through so much that I don’t want to throw anything away if there is a chance.

Thank you for reading

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