[chelli]

I have an 18yr old son who smokes weed. Well try to give you all the info in short. He started smoking it about the years ago, without my knowledge. It’s been a complete nightmare resulting in him being kicked out of school then college, having no grades selling everything he owned begging and badgering me for money constantly I have struggled on my own with him as didn’t really have anyone around to help me. My family lived over five hours away and didn’t want to go to his dad. He has become aggressive and depressed. I decided last year that I needed to away and that perhaps living with dad would help him. I moved away the weeks ago. On the night of my leaving do my son kicked off to such an extent that he wrecked my house kicked my front door in then took a massive kitchen knife to his room. He cut his hand and ended up getting arrested as I called the police. Since moving in with his dad he had gone to work with him everyday and things seem to have improved but now I get calls from him telling me that he is going to run away or take harder drugs, that he isn’t coping and that I’ve just left him….. I’ve done everything I could I . Left for him if I had stayed things would of got worse. I am too soft for him I suffer with depression and was really struggling….. I feel so guilty I don’t know what to do or how to help him

[cant-take-no-more]

Start thinking of you……Your son is in a safe place with his dad, and probably doesnt like the fact that dad isnt as soft as mum…Let him get on with it..it could be the making of him…you both deserve that chance….he may not like it now, but who knows….and as for him blackmailing you with saying he will try harder drugs…were you an enabler?? Helping him out, paying his debts, ???? If so , you have your answer! Take care and stop feeling guilty!!!

[chelli]

Thank you for your comment. Yes I was an enabler.. I gave him my last pound rather than have him go out stealing for his drug money….five years ago I left a man I was with four seven years because he became addicted to cocaine and life became impossible.. I feel so sad for my son and really don’t know how to help him. I see his pain and I want to take it away. Being away from him is incredibly hard but I know that I am doing the best thing for him giving him the best chance I worry he will hate me for it, I worry about him… I really don’t know how to cope with it xxx

[cant-take-no-more]

Chelli, I know your pain as do most of us on here…. My son went out yesterday at 5pm and he still isnt home….ive become hardened to it, dont know why, but im tired and have realised I cant save him..he has to want to save himself…His life is a mess, I enabled my son for the last 4 years///set him up in flat, furniture the lot, handed over thousands, but the lies and the stealing was the last straw..especially when he stole from his nan…..Ive told all the family not to give him a penny now…He is still at home, but come next month I am in no doubt he will go to prison….I have also told him that IF he wants to lead the same life when he gets out, then he needs to look for somewhere else to live….I have a 9 year old I need to think of. He had a good upbringing and we are hardworking parents, but enough is enough….I will not blame myself for his addiction…..If you need to talk im here Chelli…..oh and my name is susie (hahha) take care hunni xxx

[chelli]

Hi Susie
Thank you for your messages knowing that other people are going through the same as me is in some ways comforting.. my son would disappear over night and not answer his phone leaving me in turmoil trying to find him. Since I’ve moved away he has done this twice with his dad calling me saying he hasn’t come home. I’ve come to realise that he always comes back and to try not to worry to much. I haven’t spoken to my son since Monday after he said some hurtful things, I am trying to give him the space to try and deal with me moving away. His dad had told me he is working every day and I’m going this will continue and will help him. Last Friday he got paid £190 and had spent it by Sun. It’s hard not to call him and just tell him I love him but his dad thinks it’s best I leave him to it.
My emotions are all over the place. Wish things were different but I guess I have to accept my realty. Reassurance that I’m doing the right thing helps.. Susie in return I am here for you should you want to talk xx

[cant-take-no-more]

Hi Chelle, sounds just like my son…spending his wages as soon as he had them (when he was working) then begging for money in the week……My son came home this morning at 6AM, and I have just received a mouth full of abuse when I asked him to get his arse out of bed……Im on countdown, cause I know he will go to prison….then I am going to write a very truthful open letter to him..explaining everything he has put us through, and what he can expect if he moves back home ( get clean, get a job, start treating us with the respect we deserve)..if he cant do that, then he most definately is on his own!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it sounds harsh, but our life is always on hold..The people he hangs out with are just the same, only most of their parents kicked them out years ago…..I want him to change so much…he really is a great lad when he isnt doing that crap…its up to him and only him…I cant save him

[chelli]

Hi Susie
I do feel your pain. Sometimes it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Like your son my son is a good lad deep down, everyone that meets him like him. He can be funny and get kind to people. He is also very loving but the weed is changing him so much, I look at him and see a little lost boy. He text me yesterday asking me to put £10 in his bank because on Fridays they have a fry up at work. I said no. I text to tell him I love him and he didn’t text back, his way of trying to hurt me. The only time he calls me or texts me at the moment is if he wants something out to try and get me to let him come up here with me. I’m going back down in a couple of weeks to get my house all sorted and am permanently moving up by my sister. I’m dreading going back as I know it will be a weekend of guilt trips and emotional blackmail.. staying strong is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I know that I haven’t helped him by being soft so I will stick to my guns and hope that one day he will see that I have done it for him.. I guess we have to let them follow their own paths and just be there for them but make sure they know the boundaries. All I want is for my son to be happy. That’s all ok ask.. the hurt and pain he caused me when he smashed my house up is still with me and I cannot get over that. I do think he could of hit me that night xxx

[chelli]

Your right we cannot save them. They have to be responsible for their own actions I guess we just have to hope that they realise before they do things that cannot be changed x

[chelli]

Sorry if my messages don’t make much sense. I’ve held it all in for so long that now I just want to let it all pour out x

[cant-take-no-more]

Chelli, well done for saying no…….the sooner he realises you are not bank of mum the better……..I think as parents all we can do it continue to love them, but stop enabling their habits……have a good weekend, thinking of you xx

[chelli]

Hi Susie
How you have a good weekend. Stay strong and her for you. X

[chelli]

Lucy21 your post is just an advertisement for someone and find it wholly inappropriate. If I have read it wrong then please tell me

[cant-take-no-more]

Not too bad….have seen him over the weekend and he hasnt been too bad…..

[max]

Also left comment on Lucy21 elsewhere . As you say “inappropriate ” .

[cant-take-no-more]

Hi Chelli……just wondering how things are going for you huni ??? xxx

[Author]

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