[beth01]

Hi all, I’ve just discovered this forum, and it is such a HUGE relief to read all your posts. i’ve been struggling with an alcoholic partner for five years now. I’ve finally blocked him and am trying to move on and understand the craziness i’ve allowed in my life.

He drank in secret, lied to me all the time, used me for money, but probably the worst thing he’s done is always blame me for his behaviour. Apparently it was because i made him anxious that he had to drink, this is despite the fact that when we first met he was already in big trouble from his drinking. He was destitute, bankrupt, and nearly homeless. I made the fatal mistake of thinking love and security was all he needed to overcome his worries and addiction. I took him in, paid for everything, gave him a home and security. I believed his lies and promises to stop drinking. But of course he kept lying, kept drinking, and his accusations and anger at me got wilder and wilder. I”m pretty broken by it all but luckily i have family and friends and great therapist who have helped me.

Big love to all who have been through the same experiences with an addict, it is a truly terrible place to be.

Beth

[louise123]

Hello Beth I have not had chance to share my story yet, alot of what you have been through I can relate to. It’s very hard being with an addict as they drag you into a world that you never thought you would be apart of.

Addicts are very good at manipulating you into getting what they want, at the time you cannot see what they are doing to you and before long you are in to deep and doing things that you normally would never do. All addicts are selfish and do not care about anyone just where there next drink /drugs are coming from. It’s a rollercoaster and I’m affaird we go along for the ride. X

[beth01]

Hi Lauren

That’s so true, we go along for the ride and it’s only now I can see clearly how I adapted and ended up doing things I never thought I would because I hoped he would change. It’s hard picking up the pieces and trying to find the confidence to believe in yourself again xx

[louise123]

When you are in the situation you can not see it yourself, even when family and friends are telling you, you get sucked into there lives and all you can think about is helping him. You start to lie because it’s easier than facing up to the truth. You love them unconditionally even what they do to you, all promises are empty, When you say it out loud to yourself or talk to someone regarding it you are like I cant belive I did those things. Trying to pick up the pieces is hard especially when children are involved. I’ve being seeing a councillor for months its helping but the pain is still there how I let a man do this to me and I have wasted 5 years of my life trying to make it work and all the money he has had out of me. I’m going to share my story please have a read. X

[beth01]

That’s so true. You end up lying to protect them, trying to ignore the lies, the glazed drunken eyes, you start believing their excuses: perhaps if I was nicer, a better girlfriend, more tolerant, he’d stop. The thousands of pounds he took from me is hard to bear, particularly as he then accused me of putting him under pressure when he said he couldn’t pay for a train ticket after having told me he’d been saving money.

Alcoholism is the worst xxx

[louise123]

Its awful beth it really it how we get stuck between it all. I have just shared my story please read it.xx

[danman83]

Hiya Beth hope you are OK.

I’m 2 month and a week clean from cocaine. And I got 4 month at the start of the year. I’ve been doing my best for years to stop. But I finally joined C. A and I’m doing great.

I just basically want to say it’s never ever your fault. Us as addicts make our own choices. I don’t blame Morrisons for selling me vodka everyday, even tho I don’t drink. He’s just using this as an excuse. Alot of using is from some past trauma, so it’s highly this was something from his past that he has not dealt with. Working the 12 steps helps.

But I’m glad you have moved on, and it was never ever your fault.

Have a good weekend

[beth01]

Thank you Danman

Even though I tell myself it wasn’t my fault it’s a slippery thought that can vanish and become, perhaps it was. He had a lot of childhood trauma and because I knew about it I thought he just needed a lot of love to recover. I learnt that love is not enough the hard way. He says he’s doing AA but I don’t really think he is. Perhaps one day he will be able to face it. Well done on your recovery, you’re brave and strong. Xxx

[danman83]

Ye well never think like that. It was never your fault. We hold on to these resentments from the past and this is what causes us to use deep down.

It’s like having hot coal in your hand, if you keep hold of it you are going to keep getting burned. So you just need to let go no matter how bad the pain. And this is what you learn in C. A and A. A.

Thanks for that.

Enjoy your weekend beth

[herbie]

I have lived the past 15 years with the hope that my once loving, caring husband would stop drinking. I am always to blame as to why he drinks. He functions, holds down a job. Come the afternoon, he is horrible, I find empty spirit bottles hidden around, I feel I am quite a strong person and was always brought up to stand up for myself, which probably does not help. I will not be bullied, shouted at, made to feel I am the problem. Last week he pushed me out into the rain and tried to lock the door on me, I fought back and got called a spiteful bitch for grabbing his shirt. He can’t go anywhere without a hip flask and I am sure he drives with one in his car. I have to play taxi to my son as I would not trust him to drive him anywhere. I live in a beautiful part of the country but this is affecting me too much now. He told me constantly I was a lazy bitch who never contributed to the house, I now have an extra job and he is still horrible to me. The car is packed but I don’t feel it should be me leaving, its not my fault. I am scared about not being able to afford to live somewhere else. My kids are old enough now and would understand if I left and the reasons why, but I want them in my life, it should be him leaving, not me. It is now seriously affecting my mental health.

[danman83]

Hiya herbie, I hope your OK.

Really sorry to hear your situation. It’s must be horrible for you. None of his drinking is your fault for a start.

You deserve better than this and if he is not prepared to get help then you need to look up other options. You don’t need or deserve this mental and verbal abuse from him.

I don’t know your situation, like are u married, is it your home aswell ect.. And I know how hard it is financially being on your own.

So if you are married and own the home. Can you not threaten him with divorce and sell up and go your own way ect..

If you don’t own it and have no money ect.. Just try and save up in the mean time. But I don’t know your situation so I’d do what’s best for you

And your mental health should be at the very top. And you need to be happy, and pardon my French.. you should not put up with his shit any longer. ❤️

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