[sabin]

Hi I don’t know where to start my son is doing cocaine. We have stub by and done what we think is everything we can to help he’s lost everything even his son . Which made him worse . is heart breaking we are at the point of throwing him out but don’t know if we are doing the right thing . I have said some horrible nasty things to him which I don’t mean just want to shock him. But nothing works he was a lovely guy and a fantastic father . His dad and I have had many nights just crying and talking of what to do next but nothing helps I just don’t know where to go from here . I would be grateful for s any advice . Thank you

[lindyloo]

Hi Sabin and welcome to the forum. Everyone here has been affected by a loved ones addictions. We also have people in recovery offering great advice and support.

Firstly don’t feel guilty it’s not your fault. He is a grown man who is making these choices. Nothing you can say or do at this stage will make a great deal of difference. He himself has to make the decision to change. It will be a difficult and emotional journey for all , but worth it.

The forum homepage and the Icarus trust offers advice and support. Also, if you click onto ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread, there are about 6 or 7 of us mums, all with sons with addictions. When you read it , you will no longer feel alone or upset.

My son is 27 and has alcohol and Cocaine addictions. The Cocaine is triggered by drinking any amount of alcohol. He has to completely abstain to succeed.

He has daily AA and CA meetings, mostly online and is on the 12 steps program. He meets others and a sponsor all who are a great support to him. He 30 days clean so far. There’s been relapses over the year, but I believe this is common .

Be strong, have faith and make time for yourself and others in the family. I hope this helps, there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Always here to chat

Lx

[sabin]

Thank you so much i just feel better knowing I can talk to someone and I am not on my owe . We have given him the option to do a test tomorrow as he keeps saying he is clean . We do t believe him. I know he will fail but wander if we are doing the right thing . But we don’t know what else to do he as stole and lied over the last two years we feel we just don’t know what to do any more . His brother want speak to him because of what he as done . He got clean for 3 months and was doing really well then his ex stopped him

From seeing his son nothing to do with drugs but that broke him and sent him

On a spiral down fall x

[lindyloo]

3 months clean before, that’s good news, at least you all know he can do it.

My son did the same last year, 3 months, doing well, looking great, and a broken relationship (it was never gonna work) set him off.

They have to be so strong while they’re doing this, that’s why the meetings and the support they get is so good.

If the tests put your mind at ease, go for it. At least you’ll know.

Cocaine is such an evil drug, changes a person completely. Turns them into selfish, lying desperate individual who would sell their granny for cash to buy it!

Read the other threads , there was a recovery addict wrote about what to expect as they come off it.

Stay strong

Lx

[sabin]

Thank you So true it’s more the lies I can’t deal with because I was believing he was clean then started finding things in his room . I love him to bits but it’s making myself and my husband ill I don’t want to kick him out and don’t know if I am doing the right thing friends keep telling us to kick him out as we have put up with it for two years I feel we are not helping and he won’t go for help we are worried if we do kick him out and something happens we will never forgive ourselves but if we don’t we carry on with sleepless nights and crying as well as his dad and myself trying to work full time and keep braking down in work work colleges don’t know .

Really wish I knew what was the best thing to do it’s cost us over £40.000 people threading to burn our house down if they don’t get there money so my husband paid every time there’s a knock at the door you dread open it I have had someone chase me in my car because I had my son in the car . That as all stopped at the moment as hasn’t for a few months now . I just wish I knew how to help him. I feel he want to come off it but not strong enough.

[lindyloo]

Sabin, I really feel for you and your husband’s situation.

Every support line will tell you to stop paying out cash for him. He’s never had to deal with the consequences as you have always got his back. We’re the same, so much money, thousands paid out to scumbag dealers. Scared that something might happen to him.

We’ve told our son, no more cash, not ever. He’s holding down a good job thankfully, so much money wasted, through drugs in the past.

Such a waste.

Fortunately my son is in his own flat, so when he was using, we weren’t really affected until he was needing cash. Last few times I only bought him groceries and cigs. No cash at all.

I think the comedown from cocaine, makes them depressed and low, and argumentative.

Talk to him when he’s in a better frame of mind. Suggest joining some CA meetings, he’ll meet others going through the same. We don’t understand the process or the hold it has on them, but another person with addiction will.

They all support each other, just like we do here.

Don’t give up hope, things can change for you all for the best.

Unfortunately, covid is compounding matters.

Take care of yourself first and foremost, take pleasure in the little things.

Stay strong

Lx

[sabin]

Thank you so much Lindyloo it means a lot talking to people going through the same . Take care x

[lindyloo]

You’re welcome

Sending you hugs

Lx

[tiredmam]

Hi i dont know what to say and i dont have any advice to give. I am new to this forum. My son is 17 and is addicted to cocaine. It is breaking this family. He has a substance missuse worker who he has been seeing weekly for over a year. He has been off all drugs for the last 2 weeks. I did a drugs test on him on Sunday after he had been out on his bike the day i guessed something wasnt right. I hoped the test would come back negative but it was positive. I have ran out of tears this last year. We are now back to square one and it has been very difficult in this house today. It is hard to remain calm when he is like this. I wish i could disappear some days as i dont know if i am making things worse. I dont like to tell people outside of the family as i dont want people to judge him he is so young and has his whole life ahead of him. He is so gulible. He is registered as vulnerable person with police. I have tried everything i can think of. I am thinking of trying hypnotherapy for him though wr have already spent thousands trying to help him and we dont have cash to spare on things . I thought there would be services that could help but because he isnt waiting to be charged for any offences all doors of support are shut to us

[sabin]

Hi tiredmam I’m also new this but glad there is someone to talk to. I sympathise with you so much as we are going through the same . my son as lost everything even his son , we have tried everything like you we are at our wits end but I have been told never to give up so we just keep

trying but not sure how much more we can take .

[tiredmam]

Hi Sabin yes i know the feeling. Im not sure i will ever give up though i must say i can see why people do cut ties in this situation. I fear this will make my son worse in that i am throwing him to the wolves and i will loose a lost son even more. I worry as i am sure you do if i give up on him, who else has he got.

I have found some glimmers of hope on success stories on here and a couple of social media videos where they talk about recovering from addiction and advise others. Its possible. And one day it will be our sons hopefully xx

[sabin]

Honestly we are exactly same we have give him chance after chance we want to through him out but scared if anything happens we want forgive ourselves we have had 2 years of it but he did get clean for 3 months but the the mother of his son stopped him seeing his son which set him off again . So we are back to square one again . The first time round his brothers helped but they won’t speak to him now for what he as done to us . I wish I had answers for you or someone have answered for us both . Like you we are broken hearted but we just have to take one day at a time . They have got to want to change we can’t make them .x

[sabin]

The one thing I have learned is that . It has to be there choice to change we can’t make them so sad but true .

[icarus-trust]

Hi Sabin,

Thanks for sharing your story. It’s good to know that you are talking to other people in the same situation which hopefully helps you to feel not so alone.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We offer support to the families around addicts as we know how hard it is. If you get in touch you could talk to one of our trained and very experienced people who might be able to help you find a way ahead.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[lindyloo]

Hi Tiredmam, welcome to the forum. I’ve read your thread, and want you to know you are not alone.

Everyone here has a loved one with drug or alcohol addiction. There are also people in recovery offering support and advice.

If you click on ‘share your story ‘ and read the Theresa thread, there are several mums , myself included, all with sons with addictions.

We are all here for each other and offering support or advice, even just to vent!

The forum homepage has support also the Icarus trust offers help and advice.

There is no need to feel alone in this. Try and look after yourself, find pleasure in the little things.

Take care and be strong.

Lx

[sabin]

Hi not been on for a while but I am struggling to weather I should carry on and stand by my 27 year old son. He keeps promising to change saying he stopping . I know he’s still doing cocaine lying and just doesn’t seem to care it’s breaking my heart . Me and his dad are contently rowing over him. My husband says I’m on at my son all the time and should back off . I feel I’m the only one fighting to prevent him killing himself . I don’t how else to deal with it . Shall I kick him out or stand by him it’s been going on for two years with a 3 months clean 18 months ago . He’s a compulsive lier and just doesn’t seem to care .

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