[heartbroken-and-exha]

I’m sat here in tears as I’m trying to figure out if and how to leave my husband.

We have been together nearly 10 years and I recently found out he is a cocaine and alcohol addict.. this also led to him texting another woman and I just feel lost.

I understand addiction is an illness but also feel he has chosen this totally separate life I’m not a part of.

He has been to rehab, he sobs telling me how sorry he is and that he loves me… and I do believe he wants to get well but….. he has so many issues and told so many lies I just can’t trust him and I feel like my world is falling apart through nothing I have done.

We are currently separated and trying to figure things out …. I’ve been trying to support him but I don’t know if I can go through it anymore. I’m just in tears all the time.

I’m heartbroken and so tired of feeling like his carer…. nobody is caring for me and it’s so tough.

Covid is not helping as friends and family cant visit so I’m in our home alone and just wondering what the hell to do now.

I don’t want to stay with him or let him come home just because I’m lonely … but i can’t seem to face this alone having had him by my side for so long.

Has anyone else felt like this? Is there light at the end of this darkest of tunnels??

[bluebell]

I’m really sorry you are feeling like this. Cocaine is actually the nastiest for actually changing the personality. I was told this by a drug and alcohol specialist. You are so brave for separating, I wish I had, mine ended up leaving me accusing me of an affair I never had. Have you looked to see if there is a local Al anon group near you? There are many local ones probably meeting virtually now. I think the structure and routine of meeting people who have been through it may give you the local support that you need. Friends and family although well meaning will not understand what you are going through. Sending big hugs xx

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