[n47]

Hi all

I am new to this group but currently having a really tough time and feel so alone.

My son is 20 and has smoked cannabis for years. I was devastated when I found out. He says he needs it every day as he gets anxiety.

Last year he was arrested for having cannabis on him, a large amount was later found in his bedroom by the police and they knew he was dealing. They also found a knife. I had no idea my son was involved in all this, not only did I feel stupid, but felt a failure as a parent. I also have a professional career and informing my boss of this was so shameful, as I had to take time off work due to the stress.

They later dropped the charges and I felt this was his second chance to turn things around. He promised me he stopped dealing, got a job and seemed to be back on track. However, I later found out he was still dealing to friends and had to tell him to leave and so he moved in with his girlfriend.

A few weeks ago he returned home as he broke up with the girlfriend and I agreed he could return home on the basis that he wouldn’t be dealing and would have to leave immediately if he was. He promised me and I believed him. I haven’t seen any evidence of dealing since he’s been back.

However, an old drug debt has brought people to our door and they have tried to smash our windows. I am absolutely terrified and traumatised by the whole thing. I’m terrified my son is going to get hurt. The police won’t do anything as there isn’t any evidence. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified of losing my son. I feel so powerless and alone. I don’t want to tell him to leave again as I think it will make his situation worse. He also won’t tell the police anything as he will be seen as a ‘grass’. He has apologised and told me he’s trying to get away from it, but I can’t seem to help him. I’ve told him to just swallow his pride and pay it, just to get rid of them, I’ve even offered to pay it myself. He said it’s not straightforward and I don’t understand. I just want it all to stop.

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