[pinkmartin67]

I’ve suffered from depression most of my adult life. The last few years have brought more severe and prolonged depressive episodes as I’m now a father and a business owner so my responsibility levels are greater than ever. This pressure has exacerbated my symptoms and my negative thought spirals attach to my worth as a father in particular as I feel so guilty at not being the best version of myself for my little boy.

I’m ashamed to admit on occasion I’ve turned to codeine as a means of self medicating to relieve the symptoms of depression. I’m currently on day one of my current hiatus having abused the drug for about a month. Previous occasions have gone on for several months so this one was short in comparison but my god the withdrawal is as bad as ever. A complete and utter lack of motivation and extreme feelings of self loathing and low self worth. I feel completely useless and worthless and the guilt is off the scale that I’m not present enough for my son or the business.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for from responses other than perhaps some compassion and reassurance that this episode will get better. I’m not sure if I’ll ever crack the code to free myself from depression but I know that I want to and need to end this cycle of using codeine for relief. I know how the story ends each time and I don’t have much strength left to get through many more episodes like I’m currently experiencing..

[A1991]

Have you been to the doctors about depression? I’m sure you have, but may be worth going again, not sure what kind of codeine you are taking, but maybe we are in similar positions.

Iv struggles all my life with anxiety more than depression, mainly social anxiety which completely goes against my personality, it has held me back so much in life, I’m 32 and already regretting all the things I haven’t done, I used codeine and the sense of not caring and just being calm grabbed me. Been 2 years now on and off, having to take ridiculous amounts to even feel normal, I hope you can get some help before you stuck on it, I can’t last a few hours without any, also have 3 young kids, it’s a hard one for me, because when I have codeine it makes me feel good, and I can do anything, but mow without it I’m useless, I feel so guilty aswell, hopefully I can get off this, not much of a good answer for you, just hope you can pull through and not let it get any further the guilt will get worse, concentrate on your son and your business, you have a lot going for you! I keep my fingers crossed for you. If you can stop taking it, please do. ????

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