[sheila]

I am struggling with fear and hope. My son is 5 months dry, he is out of his fifth rehab but this time it is different,he is beginning to find a new way to live. But it is hard and I am on edge every time the phone rings, terrified it is his sponsor telling me he has relapsed again. And, to be honest, I just dont think I could cope, I do not think I can face all the horror again.

My son is 37, he has been struggling with alcohol for 20 years but this past 5 years have been horrendous. After a breakdown 5 years ago he became an alcoholic hell bent on personal destruction. He nearly achieved this, I am not quite sure how he is still here.

But what he has achieved, of course, is to destroy his life and lose all those who mattered to him. Such a sad but oh so familiar story, I am sure, to you all. The man he should and could have been, destroyed by this illness and no one with any sympathy because alcoholics are not attractive people, are they?

And who knows better than us how utterly vile our loved ones are in the throes of their addictions. We lose them bit by bit, more and more with every bottle or pill or whatever their addiction is. We love them still but struggle with our disgust and anger and shame. We struggle to support them and tread the fine line between support and enabling.

And now I find, amazingly, there is still hope but with that hope comes such fear.

So how do I manage it? How do I support my son, show him I believe in him, stay positive for him and not get overwhelmed by anxiety and fear?

Isnt it funny, if you had told me last year my son could be five months dry I would not have believd you and yet I would have given anything for such a hope. And now I dont know how to manage hope because I am beginning to find my wonderful brave son again who has been lost for so long and I cant bear to lose him now.

[deedee]

I know how you feel my only advice is to take a day at a time.

[doctors-wife]

Get yourself some support Sheila – go to your own GP if you are over anxious and she will help you with that. There must be some local support where you live. Try your GP, the local church or drug counselling agencies. The charity Teen Challenge may have support workers in your local area – their rehab programmes are free and they’re a great support.

Tell him how proud you are of him every day, build up his self esteem and most of all look after yourself.

Being brave never comes without fear.

Good luck

[roundy]

Hello,

I live in constant fear. Every day I wake up wondering how long my partner is going to be alive. He is an alcoholic with many alcohol related health problems. He goes to see an alcohol worker every 3 weeks, he says he doesn’t want to live like this anymore, but his actions don’t match- I don’t feel he is even trying. I love him with all my heart, I know I cant ‘save’ him. Its just so stressful living like this.

[Author]

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