[mammyessex]

Hi it’s been 7 months since my life’s been turned upside down , my husband of 23 years after a silly argument in September refused to come home saying he needed space as his head was a mess , We have 2 boys 4 and 6 , anyway the weeks just went by with no answers I looked into other woman etc found nothing noticed he never had money and would lie saying he hadn’t been payed ,this went on months with no money even at Christmas he had nothing for our kids now before this he would give me whatever I needed whenever he was always a good provider , he also was constantly Ill with flu or cold he said he wanted a divorce because all we do is argue , lies again he worked away and we barely seen him to argue ! I have since found out he is in massive debt and I’m talking thousands to drug dealers , he was attacked 4 weeks ago with a bat due to not paying , he won’t tell me anything just turns angry and says he’s seeing solicitor , he sees our boys couple hours every couple weeks , can this change someone so much they want a divorce he was Always such a honest family man who was obsessed with me I’m finding all of it horrific but the fact he’s changed so much the hardest I love him I know I should just move on I’ve tried everything I’m sure he is taking the cocaine as well as sleeping pills , my life is a whole mess I’m pennyless worried about the future I earn a pittance can’t afford any more childcare can bareky afford to eat I see no way out of this I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd I’m on 4 different tablets a day , the lies and shock of it all I’ll never get over , how can the man I love who’s seen me birth his children just throw us away like trash , every good memory I’ve had feels dirty I feel used if I can’t trust him who can I trust ? Someone please help is the lies etc wanting a divorce his way or protecting me or am I deluded

[mammyessex]

He’s also gambling bad along with it

[donthaveaclue]

Hey Mammyessex

Sorry you are going through this too.

I don’t really think the lies and divorce are his way of protecting you, I think it may be more a case of just not wanting to deal with anything other than himself.

One thing I’ve noticed is that addiction makes the addict really selfish. I mean to the point of not caring if you and your kids have food to eat or whether bills are paid etc… this includes being bothered about other people’s emotional welfare and feelings.

So he’s just wanting to ‘check out’ of his responsibilities and life.

For your sake, as awful as this sounds, it can be a good thing. From everything I’ve read one forums and on the Internet in general as well as my own experience with my addict partner, it is really hard for someone to quit these addictions (both the drugs and the gambling). Someone once said to me ‘he’s never going to change’ and that was a little wake up call for me. I have been actively trying to leave mine for arpund 8/9 months now – circumstances making it hard re: housing.

Focus on yourself and your children. Have you checked whether you are entitled to any benefits to help you financially?

[mammyessex]

Are you ok ? How’s things xx

[mammyessex]

Hi thanks so much for your reply I’m getting universal credit but our bills are so high I’m going to have to go homeless to get a council house x I’m so shocked by all of it it just doesn’t seem real I can’t believe that after all these years we could just be discarded x

[purpleheart]

Hi both 🙂

I am sorry to read that we are all in similar situations. It’s just horrendous isn’t it .

Completely relate to all the scenarios , moods , lies the lot – just devastates a relationship.

It’s like an imposter in our home – I’m playing detective constantly and holding the home life up . It’s so exhausting and not the life I ever envisioned i in think I’m still grieving for the past life and in shock what I’m having to tell with even though I’m 18mths in .

Mine says he’s quit again ( as of Monday) but I just don’t buy it I’m sad to say .

Don’t have a clue- I hope you manage to get out soon and begin to start your new chapter- your strong and it will be ok – don’t ever forget that .

You too mammy Essex – I think you should go and find yourself and again it’s going to be a bumpy ride but you will be ok , I think we all have children here and that’s what we need to focus on they deserve the best from their mummies – so we owe it to ourselves .

I’m existing here on the cycle but I’m looking at what I need to do if and when the final nail goes in- where we will go, selling up etc . I have to be realistic because like you said don’t have a clue sad matter is mine probably isn’t going to change either.

Sending hugs and strength – sorry can’t offer more advise , I’m still clawing my way through this mess here xx

[mammyessex]

It’s so hard I never expected for him to turn into a junk addict at nearly 40 and the fact he can toss us asside so easily x he’s the one who gave me everything I wanted , marriage kids but he’s also the one who’s took it away , I can’t see how I can

Move on but I must for my boys , much love to you all living this daily hell it’s concurring others are going through it but heartbreaking at the same time x keep strong lasses x

[mammyessex]

Drug addict ????

[donthaveaclue]

Hi ladies

Yes, it’s an absolute nightmare. I truly don’t think I’ll be able to fully process it until I’m out and have some thinking space knowing I don’t have to be around it daily. It’s giving me PTSD!

I expect you are all facing the same… this just existing type of life trying to cope and hold it together for the kids… you can’t process stuff while like that. You just live in the moment.

Mammyessex – the person you are dealing with now isn’t the same person you met or married etc… I have read that certain drugs, especially cocaine, sort of rewire the brain and basically create the selfish partners we are now dealing with. So that’s how they can justify their actions because their brain has altered to become extremely egocentric and to do anything to get the drugs. It’s crazy!

I’d try and speak to the council. If you are at threat of homelessness then they have a duty housing officer who can provide you with specific advice and support… I am already registered with housing and I am having to give up my social housing (house) for a flat as I have to be the one to leave… he won’t go… haven’t been given anywhere yet… been bidding for a while now. I’m pretty desperate, not just for me but for our child. I want them to feel safe and have stability and normality.

[mammyessex]

Hi I’m absolutely exhausted off the whole thing I just feel like I’m stuck in the land of no man I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd it’s just horrendous with no end in sight I’m on council list emergency one I’m so scared for all our futures it’s all on my shoulders now , it helps having you and others going through the same but I’m so upset yous are in this position, I’ve done nothing but be a good wife and mother , finding it extra hard tonight can’t sleep x

Hope we all find a way through for our kids xxx ❤️

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Mammy

I am exhausted too.

How did you get on the Emergency list? I’m just on the normal one although I did pay to get GP to write a letter to say how urgent my need and our child’s need is to move.

I am feeling really down. I wasn’t able to get away this weekend. Also… and the thing that’s upset me is that last week and this week there’s been no suitable properties for me to bid on. Every week I hang my hope on being able to bid on at least 1 property. It sounds ridiculous but just thinking I might be offered one gives me that little bit of hope to get through the week. So at the moment I’m feeling quite hopeless.

On top of that, he is in the thick grips of addiction. Even choosing to get high when he knew a family member was coming to visit and has been getting high while they are here! He is definitely spending the family money again but there is nothing I can do about it so I’ve just become numb.

One thing I’ve realised is no matter how great of a person you are – great mum, wife and so on… it makes no difference. I feel as if nothing makes a difference. We are not in this position because of something we did. It is all about them. In a way I find that helpful. It was always out of your hands because it’s not remotely your fault he’s done this.

xx

[sahara]

What I would say is if they are coming after him with bats.. he’s in some really deep shit. And my concern there is you and your children, bc when dealers can’t get to him they go for what’s closed next and that’s you and your kids. This is out of your control and him wanting a divorce is more so a defense mechanism bc he knows he’s no good for you or your children. If they ever were to corner you to send him a message I can tell you now there’s nothing he can say and or do for you or your boys..

[mammyessex]

This is my worry too

[mammyessex]

I totally agree it’s just devastating , one of our boys has severe medical problems so it makes us priority x

[purpleheart]

I do hope you get sorted as soon as .

I wrote earlier in the week and had right not to buy my husbands latest abstinence promise. Nearly every day at work , blames work but he’s always done this work for the last 10 years so it’s rubbish although I don’t doubt stress management is to do with it .

I recently told his parents as I’d been carrying this around alone since I found out. His mum is trying to support me and I’m forever grateful , his dad bless him is at a loss and doesn’t understand it ( generation thing I think ) .

Some days I feel switched off and exist through the day , I don’t have the energy to try and plan the future . Then some days I’m decisive and know I have to start planning more.

Some small part thinks is my actual husband going to return but reading the stories on here brings me back to reality- high chance not . I don’t ever want to look back and have my kids childhood tainted throughout because of their dads choices . He’s done that enough over last 2 years .

My OH is also approaching 40 and I never dreamt I would be having to deal with this sort of issues (drink and gambling spates with mine ) . Sending hugs to you all , I’m

Glad to see the sun today 🙂 x

[mammyessex]

I feel the exact same way as you my husband is nearly 40 too , most days I’m just existing it’s exhausting it really is I hope we manage to find a way forward for our kids x

[donthaveaclue]

Hi new friends

How are you all today? It’s hard for me to get on here and write as have to do it in secret.

Purpleheart – yes, unfortunately I don’t think there is a high chance of his redemption. I don’t mean this badly but I think the fact he has already struggled with gambling and drinking add weight to this… it shows he has an addictive personality.

My one (I don’t even want to use the term partner as he is not living in any kind of partnership with me) is the same. He has had a gambling addiction decades ago, which he beat… sex addiction (IMO) that he beat, and has been a binge drinker who at one point was drinking daily and then bingeing on the weekend and now the drug addiction…. he admits he has an addictive personality. I feel as if he replaced one thing with another!

I’m really impressed that you were able to tell his parents. That’s major. Does he know you’ve told them? Do they have any idea of how you all might help him?

My one blames everyone else for his usage. Usually it is my fault he is using. In fact apparently I’m 90% the cause of all his problems. Part of me wants to laugh as if that was the case surely he’d have had a successful life prior to me… never taken drugs before, not been a big drinker or smoker etc. He’s the one who did all those things and lived, I now know, a chaotic life. Everything negative in his life is always someone else’s fault.

I was living a quiet, stable, peaceful life before him… I crave that life again. I’m literally aching to have thsy life and to be able to provide it to our child. They deserve so much better.

Mammy – I agree with others, if he is now getting threats then he is in really deep. I didn’t know this but a couple of years ago at the beginning of all this, my one was owing… he owed like some hundreds to different dealers and I didn’t know this and gave him money for something else (a theme) and he used it to pay them off behind my back. I only found out later. He didn’t get any threats, so if your husband is getting threats then I have a feeling he owes a significant amount.

You could go to the police and ask for protection for you and the children, if necessary. They can safeguard your home – I have this (more on that later) so they put a marker on the address and yoir phone number and if you call 999 it gives them all the details/makes you a priority. Also have you made your council aware?

I’m sorry to hear that your child has severe disability. That must make things a lot harder.

Me:

I am disabled due to chronic health issue so it makes it difficult to navigate some of this stuff… I feel as if it’s taking all my strength not to fall apart. Not that anybody needs this type of trouble but I really didn’t need this situation… life was already hard enough. It makes me so sad that I found someone who turned out to be a real wrongun.

I have told my SIL because it was pretty obvious something was up due to his choice to do it while she was in our home. It was really hard as if he finds out he would go absolutely nuts. I needed to tell her because I cannot shoulder this burden totally and especially not if I am leaving at some point.

She cannot intervene because doing so would expose that I’d told her. She really wants him to go to rehab.

His MH is appalling at the moment. I went to the doctor yesterday and the doctor is aware something is not right as he’s already under him for MH issues and he could tell that it’s worsened since he last spoke to him – although he knows nothing of the drugs.

I can’t remember if I said but my one lost his job because of drugs. He was unable to function and be reliable… missed work one too many time and boom… job gone.

Talking about the safeguarding… he had a friendship with a guy he met who was also a user… snorting not smoking. Anyway, the guy employed him to do some work in his business, which my one did, and then the guy didn’t pay him when agreed… then he withheld money (according to my one) and so they fell out. My one falls out with people in spectacular style. I mean full on beef, arguments, abusive messages etc… he’s extremely volatile.

So he was leaving all these messages for the guy, accusing him of stuff and in the end the guy messaged me basically saying he had paid my one in a mixture of the money owed and in drugs and didn’t owe him anymore money.

I actually believe this guy. Anyway, the guy called me on my phone and now for various reasons I have safeguarding on my home and phone because I had to report him to the police.

My one seems to either have forgotten that he was paid partly in drugs or is under some other belief about the arrangement as he is adamant he is owed more money. So he wants to pursue this to get the rest he thinks he’s owed. I can only see this ending badly for him.

I was looking up free rehabs. I found a Christian one. I would love him to go. I just have no idea how I’d broach the subject. I think I could only do it if he brought it up and I was somewhere else so we were talking remotely to each other.

He reckons he is going to quit as the money has run out. The money ran out ages ago… he’s been using family money to fund it. I’ll believe it when I see it. Even if he temporarily stops, I feel that as soon as he has funds it will restart.

[mammyessex]

Hi I’m so sorry you are in this mess too my husband is just denying he’s using he’s gaslighting me saying he Left cos of me etc he has all the symptoms of a drug user how do I get him to admit it I’m exhausted off it ,

[donthaveaclue]

I don’t think you can really get them to admit it unless they want to.

My one will occasionally admit it in like an addiction sense when I am not there because he starts thinking in depth about everything. He recently said he has an addiction problem so via text so I was able to screenshot it in case I need it in the future.

Otherwise, he openly is doing this in front of me so he knows I know. At the same time, he’s tried to hide the financial side from me so I don’t know the extent.

If you need proof for something like child residency because he’s pursuing that, then you would have to go to family court and raise your concerns. They have the ability to order him to be tested.

[donthaveaclue]

I don’t think you can really get them to admit it unless they want to.

My one will occasionally admit it in like an addiction sense when I am not there because he starts thinking in depth about everything. He recently said he has an addiction problem so via text so I was able to screenshot it in case I need it in the future.

Otherwise, he openly is doing this in front of me so he knows I know. At the same time, he’s tried to hide the financial side from me so I don’t know the extent.

If you need proof for something like child residency because he’s pursuing that, then you would have to go to family court and raise your concerns. They have the ability to order him to be tested.

[icarus-trust]

So sorry to read your posts and see how badly your partner’s addiction is affecting you. It’s really good that you have found this supportive forum but if you would like some more support please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers help to people dealing with addiction in their family. If you get in touch one of our trained Family Friends will talk with you and let you know what help they can give you.

You can contact us on contact@icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[mammyessex]

So I’ve just tested him for cocaine , he failed why agree to it if he knows he’s going to fail ? He’s adamant he’s not touched it for 2 weeks

[purpleheart]

Hiya, I’m really sorry Mammyessex, it’s heartbreaking isn’t it , the lies are immense – I think my other half believes his own lies sometimes – they go numb to it . I read sometimes the tests aren’t 100% though , if that gives you any peace . I don’t know …I always know with mine just the nose blowing , the tiny pieces of rolled up tissue in bed that appear overnight .

I imagine your really stressed right now , try to not get too wound up sending strength and a hug , know exactly how you feel xx

[mammyessex]

Thanks for getting back to me , he finally admitted to using after all this time says he can do it on his own I very much doubt it x hugs to all of us living this nightmare

[purpleheart]

Mine said he can do it on his own when I found out 18months ago , he and I have realised he can’t do it alone , he’s never been ready either after numerous relapses . Mine agreed to see a councillor and is currently one week clean . But I’m on pins because we’ve been here so many times . Can only take it a day at a time .Xx

[purpleheart]

Have you got any support for yourself in all this ? Apart from the forum I mean x

[mammyessex]

How you getting on ? Xx

[mammyessex]

I wish mine would accept help he’s honestly one of the most stubborn men I’ve ever knew x one week clean is great it’s a start and least he is trying x

[mammyessex]

Yes people have been great but it doesn’t stop the knot of worry in my stomach it’s just an awful feeling isn’t it x

[purpleheart]

Not at all , it’s a lonely place isn’t it . Even though it makes the situation harder I’m glad I have the kids to keep me focused – they keep me from falling apart . But then if they weren’t here I know I would of left a while back . We are currently dealing with the fallout of the spending on that $h)t . I’m so stressed , resentful and feel like a mushroom completely left in the dark . X

[mammyessex]

Mine is in so much debt he’s not living here I have a feeling he’s living in his van he looks a right mess it’s so sad to see someone you love like this but I’ve tried everything, my life and yours has just been ripped apart if you asked me last year if my husband was a addict I’d have laughed in your face x

[purpleheart]

I could if wrote that myself . I actually thought mine was cheating on me at first for a long while with all the secrecy and lies . It has taken me a long time to come to terms it was this because it was way down the list . I know it must be so tough but is there any peace for you with him not living with you at the minute ? X

[mammyessex]

I thought cheating too ! No peace I’m constantly worried about him or thinking of him I’m absolutely drained to bits x in a way another woman would have been easier x this is my worse nightmare x

[purpleheart]

I agree it would of been easier and I openly said that to mine . At least we would of known where we stood , done and chapter closed .. move on . Instead we are fighting against something completely out of reach . I hope you can sleep tonight. Try and switch off even if it’s a just for a little bit xx

[mammyessex]

Thanks x keep in touch I hope your husband stays off it x

[purpleheart]

Xx

[donthaveaclue]

Hi ladies

How are you?

Purpleheart – that’s good news about 1 week clean. How’s that going?

Mine promised no more and was back at it after a couple of days. I can’t wait to get out. He is so vile when on a come down… can’t stand it. Got his family coming to see him end of the week. Wish he’d admit it to them so they can try to help him.

I also have been feeling angry and resentful for the absolute shit he’s putting me through, especially with the financial aspect. I spend my time worrying how to buy food and afford our child’s travel costs. I’ve currently given up worrying about other bills.

[mammyessex]

Hiya I feel exactly the same everyday I’m stressing over it I have enough for food which I don’t , it’s our sons birthday Saturday and I have no money for it , I’ll never understand or forgive him for putting us in this position , I really feel for you having to live with him with his comedowns etc , I’m worried every day about where mine is staying even though he’s put himself in this position , it’s no life I feel like we are all just existing , if he fails his drug test this week I’m stopping all contact with the kids x I know life’s not easy but this is just hell x well another day to get through , sending hugs x

[purpleheart]

I know this probably won’t make you feel any better but your son would rather have his mummy for his birthday any day of the year rather than any toys etc. I know kids revolve around that but he has his mum and that’s the main thing – don’t be hard on yourself xxx

[mammyessex]

Hi lovely thanks so much x it’s just an awful position they’ve put us in isn’t it , he’s the one who’s gave me everything I’ve wanted but it’s him taking it away I can’t believe my life is this now , I’m living week to week dreading the tests it’s just no good on any of us x love and strength to us all we are super strong living through this even if we don’t feel it , our futures will be happy with our kids , with or without them in it ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[mammyessex]

I no I just can’t understand how he ever thought it was ok for me to be in this position my kids are my life , god I’d die for them that’s why I would never never choose to do drugs not even once that’s the difference between me and him x

[purpleheart]

Helloo both , isn’t it pants 🙁 sending you both a hug too – it’s ok this will

Work out one way or another xx

I’m not so confident over mine last couple of days I’ve seen bits that concern me – the old usual habits , staying out working till I’ve gone to bed , visited a petrol station 2 mins from dealers house yet there’s about 10 of the things from where we live to This drug Den. Just fills me full of anger and feeling blind again . Luckily the support group I’m on levels me out and been able to function and carry on with “ normal “ daily life . I’ve buried the financial trouble for another day . But my gut is Im not keep

Tolerating this shite I’ve promised myself this , I’ve made enquires – have a sort of path if it all goes off. This year is the final year I’m struggling with Cocaine in our marriage , family . Enough is enough . Mine doesn’t know this or maybe thinks I don’t have the lady balls to see it through but he’s on his last chance saloon . If he doesn’t want to try – then he deals with it alone . Im not having my years with my little kids tainted by his choices . Ha just laughed at myself spellchecking this back – I’ll probably be in tears tonight . But today I’m strong so I’ll go with that . Keep in touch – keep talking , it’s nice we can relate xxx

[mammyessex]

Mine bailed before I even gave him the option I honestly don’t know what’s worse they’ve got to no they’ve massively f. Up surely ???? the lies , deception sneaking around has made me not even trust my own judgement anymore if I can’t trust my childrens father and my partner of 21 years ago the hell can I trust ? Such a bloody waste I’m

Never going to accept I lost my marriage to cocaine x

[purpleheart]

That’s how I thought too about mine – built everything together and he’s managed to tear into it without a second thought . When I first found out about his addiction I checked my other Half’s phone in secret and the number of times he commented on msgs to his coke head friends about sitting doing “ sniff” alone I couldn’t get my head around the fact this was the same person I was married to. He told a friend he caused an argument with me one night on purpose so he could be left alone to sort himself out with a party for one . I will never forgot them messages they shattered my heart and I wondered if I ever knew the real him . Not in a million years did I think this sort of challenge would come to our door and that’s why you struggle accepting – I completely get it . You do well to get him to test , asked mine in last few days ( as some security and peace of mind we are moving forward ) he agreed but then get defensive and starts saying he look bad because He’s so tired from Over working, the twists and turns of a trapped rat that normally adds up to .

I know it’s hard and this crap fills our headspace everyday but take some time for yourself , think about the future A little ( no matter how much it stings) think about your boy and how much you adore and love him – he’s your world away from this chaos . If anything through all this trouble my husband has caused it’s made me a better mummy in ways even when I’m stressed and on edge from the flare ups . I won’t let his choices beat me and my right to enjoy my kids and then secondly my own life.

I think that not every one is like my OH , there’s alot of them but not everyone – he wasn’t once upon a time hod knows what entered his head when this started .

We’ve been dealt a bad hand of cards – but will we get through it , gritted teeth- your doing good xxx

[mammyessex]

How are you getting on xx

[mammyessex]

I’ve had exactly the same thoughts x we have had hard times financially years ago but I had him with me and together we got through it , now it’s caused through him , he’s lost everything we’ve built up and what for to sit and sniff ? Mine does it on

His own too x looking back over the last 18 months I’ve seen a massive decline in our relationship and not for one second did I think it was drugs , I can’t see how I’m going to get out this rut x

[purpleheart]

Same with the relationship – imposter here with no connection just looks like someone I used to know ( sounds cold but that’s the reality ). I live in hope he gets clean sorts himself out and the issues related and then I hope we can maybe patch up our relationship but I have no idea how I will start with the trust thing . Feel like I’ve done it alone already if that makes sense xx

[mammyessex]

I’m

Not sure I could ever forgive mine , for cocaine yes I could but leaving my kids with nothing I just can’t x maybe if he realises what a huge mistake he’s made and does everything to make it up to us possibly you Just don’t know until your in that position x another woman was always my worse fear , give me that over this any day x

[mammyessex]

I’ve actually used the words to describe him somebody that I used to know x awful ????

[mammyessex]

I’ve had exactly the same thoughts x we have had hard times financially years ago but I had him with me and together we got through it , now it’s caused through him , he’s lost everything we’ve built up and what for to sit and sniff ? Mine does it on

His own too x looking back over the last 18 months I’ve seen a massive decline in our relationship and not for one second did I think it was drugs , I can’t see how I’m going to get out this rut x

[mammyessex]

Bad night tonight , can’t stop crying it’s finally hitting home that my husband isn’t here he left , he chose drugs over me ,our marriage had obviously been all a lie if he can walk away so easy , not sure I can recover from all this hurt

[lindyloo]

Hi Mammy, I’m so sorry to read your story. I wish I had all the answers but I wanted to know I’m thinking of you and your family.

This drug is so evil so addictive it turns our loved ones into people we don’t recognise any more. It takes their souls, it’s not them, it’s the addiction. Deep down, they’re in there, they still love you, but the need for this mistress that is cocaine is greater.

Have you read Jamesb and Danman83 posts here? They are people in recovery telling it from the other side.

For the moment, Mammy, look after yourself and your kids. He has made his choice, I pray that he comes round his senses and seeks help. When he does this, it’s easier to support them.

Adfam homepage, Icarus trust and Drugfam all offer counselling if you need support and advice for yourself.

Sending you much love ❤️

Lx

[purpleheart]

Hiya Mammy , it wasn’t a lie – like Lindy said it takes our loved ones over. And unfortunately it’s out of our control that’s what send us into our hopeless state . It’s going to be ok , sending you a massive hug , go and look at your babies in bed . It’s ok to cry because tomorrow you will be stronger inside – you need to grieve xxx

[mammyessex]

Thankyuu I’ve been cuddling my sons which breaks my heart even more cos he walked out on us so easy without even trying to fight for us x I wish I could stop thinking of it all even for a day I’m even dreaming of it , how are you getting on x

[purpleheart]

I completely understand , I find my mind drifts when I’m meant to be working , I even get mad when I’m watching the tele and a program brings drugs up , I hate I can’t plan anything for the future because I don’t have any idea what that’s going to look like . I keep planning and going for my two sons . Our week clean was short lived – I asked him to test for first time , started protesting and fobbing me off , then got all cagey about it being a breach of privacy .. after numerous times me saying just tell me if you’ve used he finally admitted it . So back at the start yet again . :/ .

But main concern is you – please try to remember that guy that walked out isn’t the guy you know . I know it’s not any easier but they aren’t connected to how they once were with us . Keep squeezing them boys they love their mama so much and will see you through xxx

[mammyessex]

Thank you so much yes I have there posts have been a great support to me as have yours and the other mothers in the Theresa thread x is your son still in his recovery ? Much love and thanks for replying x

[lindyloo]

The Theresa thread was a godsend to me when I couldn’t talk to any of my family or friends about my son’s addiction.

Son is 9 months clean, I thank God every day, pray for us all here and our loved ones’ recoveries.

Stay strong Mammy, you’ll get through this.

Lx

[mammyessex]

Wow that is absolutely amazing so pleased for you and your son x

[lindyloo]

Thank you Mammy. Yes so proud of him. It’s been tough – every day is a battle especially at the beginning. He said the meetings are his medicine, needs to go regularly. Stay away from alcohol, and mates who drink and use, these are triggers to use.

It’s a whole new life for them.

Worth it in the end though.

Lx

[mammyessex]

Thanks I’m so sorry about your husband I think they believe there own lies x Why hasn’t mind even tried in our relationship i don’t even get the Empty promises that he doesn’t want to loose us , he’s happy too , I’m scared for the drug test Sunday would love it if he passes but if he does he’s not taking it and stil doesn’t realise what he’s lost god I’m sounding like a broken record x thanks for your support x

[purpleheart]

No your not and it’s better to get it out Rather than keeping it inside because that’s what making you upset and filling your head .

It’s Such a self centred drug , they have no consideration for anyone or anything it’s just evil .

The empty promises are a killer for me Mammy , because every week / few days I relive the same disappointment whilst I’m trying to keep my own life normal ( of some sorts ).

You can do this , with or without him Mammy . Awh dear I so know how you feel 🙁 sending another tight hug- try and sleep tonight you must try and look after yourself xx

[mammyessex]

You to lovely ❤️❤️❤️

[purpleheart]

Hiya How you feeling this morning ? A little brighter I hope ? X

[mammyessex]

Hiya yeah thankyou same shit different day x but gotta keep going x have a great day x

[purpleheart]

Exactly push through , you too x

[mammyessex]

Todays update , refused test said he doesn’t have to do anything for me now says he’s going to do it through the courts so he doesn’t have to see me again , he genuinely thinks I’m the one in the wrong surely this isn’t natural behaviour ?

[purpleheart]

Hiya Mammy does that rest depend on whether he sees your boys ? X

[mammyessex]

Hi no I was doing them myself before visits to avoid the court route but seems like that’s the only option now , he’s making out im to blame for everything and he’s innocent why can’t he see his mistakes and not be horrified ?

[purpleheart]

I know it’s hard to stomach Mammy but he will lash out and blame anyone but himself because he’s that far into it. He won’t realise his mistakes until he’s ready to see them , I know it’s so hard but the coke has taken over him right now . I know you don’t want to take the court route but you must remember he’s done this not you , he really hasn’t given you a choice x

[mammyessex]

I’m just so disappointed it’s came to this he’s already put us through 7 months of hell and him being so cocky about court has threw me , he’s like a stranger standing in front of me I had no choice of where he’s put us and he doesn’t even care x how’s things going for you

[purpleheart]

.

[purpleheart]

Mine has had moments of the same a really arrogant behaviour and that’s when he’s on it . It’s soul destroying I feel your pain try to be strong and focused you know this isn’t your doing . It’s ok here but week days are when it goes wrong here when it does . Monday always determines how the week is gonna go. I’m just trying to focus and me and my kids and taking each day as it comes x

[mammyessex]

Mines the Sunday so I feel the week has went to pot already and it’s my sons birthday tmrw he said he’d drop presents in tomorrow, hmm very much doubt that x

I’m so sorry we are all in this position we had no say in the matter but we here dealing with it daily , all because off some disgusting over priced white poison ☠️ hate seeing it glorified in movies the devastation it reeks on families is horrendous, stay strong we too shall make it through another week of Groundhog Day ❤️????❤️????

[purpleheart]

I hope your little lad has a good birthday today .

Yeh another week of Groundhog Day . Stay tough ladies xx

[donthaveaclue]

Hi all… thanks for asking after me Mammy.

I wrote a massive reply and then it said there was a bad word in it – which there was not and never posted it! I’ll try again.

Things have not been good since I last posted. He has continued to act incredibly irrationally, delusional, paranoid, aggressive etc. He has been awful towards me.

I came away to family for a few days and he has not used, as far as I know, since Saturday or Sunday as he didn’t have any money. Well, we have no money. He has been better towards me since I left, although I don’t expect this to continue on my return. It never lasts.

He has acknowledged how his paranoid behaviour is impacting me and our child but he hasn’t stopped… I mean he still believes that people are spying on him and after him and monitoring etc.

He has apparently been ridding the property of his paraphernalia and vacuuming throughly while I’m gone… so at least I can work with that when I get back as the place needs a good spring clean and he wouldn’t let me touch it as I might disturb some secret stash he’d forgotten about etc.

His family came to visit before I left and he even lied to me in front of them so that he could get money off me and procure drugs… while they were waiting for him! Then he was waiting for them to leave so he could use. So messed up.

I found out 2 household bills, that he told me had been paid, are outstanding. He believes his own lies so he truly believed he had paid them and didn’t question why there was more money in his account… spent it on stuff obviously. So now they can’t be paid.

I have turned to a friend for some support as her husband was an addict of 20 years (same substance). He did 2 stints in rehabilitation to no avail before finally quitting for good after becoming a Christian. He now keeps busy working in the church.

It was interesting hearing his story. I do feel with my one that if he were ever to successfully quit he’d need to replace it with something else whether religion or the gym or something else.

He still hasn’t spoken to his doctor when he said he would. I’ve broached the idea of rehab or CA but he’s rejected both.

I managed to bid on a property again but didn’t get it. So I’ll be bidding again if there’s anything remotely suitable. I feel as if my life is on hold until I can move but as if I am also living a lie because I’m trying to pretend to most people that this isn’t happening. It feels horrible. Most people just think he has terrible MH crises/issues.

How are you both doing? Thinking of you.

[mammyessex]

I am so sorry you are dealing with that , one thing with mine is that he left so I don’t have to endure that it sounds like the coke is making his mh spiral badly and I so get what you mean about them ‘forgetting’ to pay bills mine has had his car in pounded due to not paying tax yet swears he payed it ???? we know different tho eh x

I really hope you get a property soon can you not tell them the reason why you want to move ? Your fleeing a potentially dangerous situation, i know if you are anything like me you might be embarrassed doing this , but I tell you what since I have been the amount of help I’ve had has been brilliant this isn’t our doing we have nothing to feel shameful about x

My council are thinking of paying all my rent and me staying here as there is nothing suitable for me with my sons disability so I’m still stuck in limbo I will feel better once I’m sorted either here or moved I feel like my life is on hold until then , then there’s the money side of it I’m sick of struggling through his stupidity x

I think even with rehab and ca it’s like any other addiction you have to want to quit doesn’t seem like they are there yet , what it’s going to take I’ll ever know because he’s lost everything x

I take day by day sometimes hour by hour it’s a shitty existence really but we have to push through for our kids . I still wake up most days and think yip this really is my life now ???? I just want to go back to before all this but that won’t ever happen x

Keep in touch ❤️❤️ Sending love and hugs xx

[donthaveaclue]

I honestly think with mine he’ll either manage to find it within himself to quit somehow (regardless of me or our relationship etc) or he’ll end up dead or in prison within a few years. It sounds terrible but part of me doesn’t even care anymore… though I do as that’s my child’s father. I’ve just had enough of it!

I did speak to the council and explain how bad things were from a domestic perspective (didn’t mention the drugs). I’m scared of SS involvement as already had them sniffing round numerous times due to his MH and a couple of anonymous reports (I actually think the anonymous ones were by disgruntled addicts he’s fell out with… they’ve all already had their kids removed!).

So anyway, the council told me I had 2 options: 1. Call a local DV charity (this would doubtless escalate things when they started their list of questions) for support and they’d write to the council to do weight to my need to move or 2. Speak to the police and ask them to do a risk assessment (which would also escalate things). I haven’t been able to bring myself to do either of these.

I’ve been trying to keep it amicable as in… he’s agreed to me leaving and taking our child with me. He wouldn’t agree before… it would have ended up in a long drawn-out court battle with an irrational person whose brain is warped…. I’d do anything to avoid that!

It’s good news about your council being so supportive. I hope you can stay put. It sounds a lot easier for you if you can. Moving is horrendous and when you have disability to factor in, it’s even more of a strain.

I’m the same in approaching every day, hour, minute in small increments. I’m praying a lot these days. I feel as if I need to lean on ‘something’ or some kind of hope to get through. It seems to work in the main.

You are right… the person has to be at the right point to want to access any available help. Mine is not there. I see glimpses of it and then poof it’s gone. I think he struggles a lot with the shame side of it… hence not wanting to attend local CA meetings and not being able to tell the doctor about it yet. I also think that, unlike some people, who are very influenced by their partner giving them an ultimatum or whatever, mine isn’t like that.

Even if he did quit, I could never get over what’s happened and how he’s treated me. So as far as I am concerned, I could never live with him again.

[mammyessex]

I’m right with you x I still love my husband but even if right now he was focused on fully getting better I’d support it for my kids the most but what he’s done is unforgivable I know I could never forgive

or forget it but I still shed t was tears for

the man I love and the future we could have had x

My husband threatened a lawyer last week for visits etc then backed down real quick when he realised everthing would be exposed x plus what was he going to pay for one with , peanuts ???? ????

My worse fear was ss but my friend is actually a Social worker and she said they would do a wellness check and make an order against him meaning he would have to undergo court testing etc , I’m not there yet neither but it’s good to know it is an option if things become worse for you and the kids x

I’m scared for the future with the rising living costs etc before this we were pretty comfortable with money I’m

Good at budgeting but how can you budget money if there is no money x

I really hope one day we are all settled and genuinely happy most days that’s way off x

[donthaveaclue]

I’m in the same way Mammy. I was always so good at budgeting and saving. He’s ruined this. My credit is bad for now… until I get away and can gradually repair it. I so resent this. I had to ask one of his family to lend me some money as 2 direct debits came out of account and took me into unarranged overdraft. It was so humiliating and embarrassing asking them for help but they are aware of the situation whereas my family are not.

So today I returned to the property. Within 5 to 10 minutes of my return he had already become abusive towards me! His breath stank of chemicals to me – it’s like the stuff seeps from his pores when he’s not using it! So gross.

The property was an absolute tip. Everything pulled out everywhere from his hunting for hidden stuff that he’s forgotten where he put it. It looked like we’d been burgled. So far I’ve managed to change the beds, do some washing and cook tea… Will try and tackle more tomorrow.

This evening he was a bit better but still had the swinging temper… very volatile.

Tomorrow is bid day. I hope there is something for me to bid on.

The one thing that I agree with you about is the cost of court. He’d not be able to afford it either unless someone leant him the money.

Would the wellness check be if you accused him of using drugs?

[mammyessex]

Hi I’m so sorry you had to go back to that.

Yes it is for drugs as he refused the test last week so I’m not letting him

Take my boys out x. I’ve gave him

Another chance this week if he refuses Sunday again im making the call to social services as if something happens to my boys in his care and it comes out I knew about the coke I’d be prosecuted for failing to protect them , they don’t think of this , I hope there is a property for you to bid on and you see a tiny light at this awful tunnel , wish I could help all of us living this nightmare I really do x

[icarus-trust]

Hi

I’m so sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time due to your husband’s addiction and that it’s making you so ill.

Maybe you would like to talk to us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that supports people having to deal with addiction in the family as you are. We offer trained and experienced people we call Family Friends who would talk with you and understand what you are going through. They would also be able to let you know what other help is available for you.

If you think that would help please contact us at contact@icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

[mammyessex]

Happy Mother’s Day (uk) to my fellow Mammy’s we’ve made it this far lasses ????❤️????❤️

[purpleheart]

Hi Ladies, sorry not posted for a little while hope your both doing ok , hope Mother’s Day showed you love and made you feel your worth ❤️.

I’ve had a hard two weeks . Aftermath of more truths unfolding the fallout from the poison . Mines still falling off the waggon every few days . Went on a bender last week and claimed he was fully entitled to do so because he’s had it so hard and so stressed – join the club pal!!! If I came out left the kids with him w and went shovelling crap up my nose like him – I can only imagine how he would take that . But they don’t think like that do they .I’ve had a few wobbles letting it get to me having a meltdown but then the strength comes through ( I think it’s that anyway ) numbness and I pick myself up and crack on keeping mine and the kids life normal . Anyhow – hope you’re both ok. Sending big strong mama vibes to you both , look forward to hearing from you x

[mammyessex]

Hiya I’m sorry to hear that I really am , I had awful Mother’s Day he just didn’t show up to see his sons , it’s just lies on top of lies , I have no idea if he’s still using bad or still where he is staying I don’t trust a word out of his mouth , I can’t move on because I’m still getting no money off him , does he think I feed his kids on Rocks ? I’ll never get over the lies but mostly the selfishness off what they doing to there own kids x I had a mini melt down too it felt like I was right back at the start again x here we are trying to just survive this when we didn’t do anything to get ourselves here , really don’t understand how being a good wife and mam all these years has Left me living like this , I’m here going through the motions but it’s just existing not living x really hope better times are on our way ladies we deserve it x

[natasha21]

Good evening ladies, well where do I start.reading your stories its like someone writing my life,im emotionally drained and exhausted, I have panic attacks ( not that his bothered, the first time he saw me having one he asked if I was having heart attack, I shook my head to say no,he went back to bed and left me) oh yes the husband off over 27 years. Not sure how long he’s been on cocaine for because I don’t do drugs so never saw the signs until my boys told me. Gaslighting,domestic abuse, alcoholic,gambler do I need to say more.its horrendous, the lies living with someone I don’t know anymore or actually never really knew, it’s a secret life he has with the drugs. If I say you done a line, ( he’s face going all over the place, waffling on,staying up late. ) he basically says I’m imaging it.then the money, never given enough to pay the bills, accusations of me spending it on me and not the bills. I’m struggling emotionally, financially and with my mental health x

[mammyessex]

Hi I’m so sorry you are in this position too it’s horrendous I’ve been left with ptsd and anxiety too I was with mine 24 years thought I knew him too , clearly not , hes left us penniless , lies slip off his tongue freely constantly I feel like I’m in this awful other world that I don’t want to be in , mines a narcissist too , gambler Also he tries to blame me for everything, I’m not sure how we even begin to get over any of it , I’ve also never took any drugs looking back now with what I know I feel stupid because it’s so clear , I can never understand how any one can choose cocaine over there family he’s lost everything, the best thing you can do is try to put yourself first , I know it’s seems impossible with no money and your life turned on it’s head , I’ve started counselling it’s helped loads I still struggle to sleep and just take it day by day x feel like I’ve wasted my whole life on this utter idiot least he done one decent thing and left so I didn’t have to live with him , he’s stole my past and my future dreams x massive hugs to you x

[natasha21]

Oh and the mood swings,like walking on egg shells

[mammyessex]

My husband was like this for 18 months before he left , snappy constantly literally making stuff up to blame me for it’s them projecting there guilt on to us or there on a come down he made me feel as small as an ant x he’s destroyed me in every way x

[donthaveaclue]

Hey mammy and ladies

So because of the unpaid bills, our phones got cut off. So I am able to use WiFi but not my mobile. So frustrating.

He didn’t use for a bit as no money and it was horrendous. He was so volatile and I was being abused right, left and centre.

He actually shut me out of the house over something completely trivial. It’s not the first time he’s done this. This time, I had to go and stay at my neighbour’s for a bit until he eventually let me back in. If it happens again, I will leave and not bother trying to get back in. I will have to go into a refuge or ask the council for emergency accommodation.

He knew when I’d get paid and 4 days before that day he asked me for money. I reminded him I don’t have any and wouldn’t until pay day. He then went out and got stuff from someone saying he’d pay them back when I got paid! So my pay day comes and he demands the money to pay the dealer back. I gave it to him as too scared not to. Since then he’s taken 2 more lots of money claiming he’s going to pay all 3 lots back when he gets money this week from a family member. I’m still incredulous about it and so angry inside.

Anyway, then he sent me a message about crack addiction and he was talking to me for about an hour in person about how he wants to quit but knows he can’t just go cold turkey. He said there are triggers literally everywhere. He basically said he can’t just stop…. I think he’s tried or the lack of money has been the same as trying because he’s been withthout it and realises that he can’t cope/can’t do it.

During this conversation, to my horror, he told me that he had an issue with crack about 10 years ago! This is the first time I’ve ever heard about him having basically been a crack addict. Turns out that he lived in the same block as a crack dealer and basically got hooked, going from once a week to a couple of whatever the units of crack are a day (spending like well over 500 a week!!!). He even ended up selling prized possessions to fund it before basically moving to the other end of the country and in doing so getting clean.

I am so horrified by this news that I’m still not processing it. If I had known this when I first got to know him, I would have run for the hills! I would have definitely got out earlier on… as soon as I saw him using.

So during the conversation, I mentioned going into rehab but he wasn’t interested. He said he wants to talk to his doctor instead. I am encouraging of the idea but not getting my hopes up. I will remind him about it on Monday.

Either way, I don’t want to be in a relationship living with him as he’s abusive. So regardless… in my eyes he will still be abusive even without the drugs. I would just like him to be clean so he can be a parent in his child’s life and so that I can co-parent amicably with him.

I didn’t get my last bid and there was nothing suitable for me to bid on this time. I’m trying not to get down about it. I just want to move on and be free.

How are you all doing? So sorry that we all find ourselves here.

[mammyessex]

Mine is coming tmrw if he doesn’t take a test he isn’t seeing our son I’m so sick off it all now me barely scrapping a life all week then come Sunday I have this , I understand you wanting to bail him out but you can’t you know you can’t it’s just enabling the root of the problem they are full of excuses reasons why blaming others cos it’s easier than accepting they are the reason, I looked properly at myself in the mirror earlier and I didn’t reconize myself I looked a shadow of the person I used to be and I felt it I’m

, we are just innocent victims in this I’ll never ever understand it ever I’m barely living just existing all for some horrid white disgusting powder

Maybe yours admittance of the crack is at least a way forward for him if not with you but on his own , if I had the money I could move on but I don’t so I’m stuck in this nightmare I’ve came to realise is my life x

[mammyessex]

Refused to do a drug test again sick of this shit now ????

[mammyessex]

Refused to do a drug test again sick of this shit now ????

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Mammy

I’m sorry that he refused to do the test. How are things today?

Mine didn’t use for a bit as no money again but also did not call the doctor like he had said he wanted to/would… no surprise there really.

So I thought the telling thing would be when he did have access to money again… he basically was straight back at it. He still owes me for the previous 3 lots.

Some money (cash) was meant to be given back to me that someone else owed me for something I provided for them (work type stuff) and because it was organised through him, they gave him the money. Without asking or telling me, he spent it on the white stuff today. So all day he’s been on that. I don’t know how he thinks I’m okay with this.

I still don’t have any phone service as the bill is outstanding. I didn’t even have the money to travel to hospital the other day and had to ask my friend to send me money so I could attend my appointment.

I agree about not enabling and I have had that conversation with him before as I feel very guilty about it. It’s very difficult as I have a little one and I am literally trying to manage his behaviour so as to not endanger our child. It sounds nuts typing this… but….

He even he admitted that he cannot just go cold turkey so they only way would he either with us out the property, him out of the property or under some kind of supervision medically…. I don’t even know what they could do as he is already on so many psych drugs for his MH. As he has rejected the idea of rehab, I really dunno how it would work. When I do eventually leave, we will find out as I’m kinda assuming he won’t have managed to quit before then going by his history.

The other thing is… he is not the kind of person you can say no to really. I think he is well aware how scared I am of him. So he uses that to get what he wants from me. He is threatening enough that I feel unable to safely disagree or confront him. I have no voice or mouthpiece. I guess that’s what people in abusive relationships do… they take away your voice.

Like you, I look in the mirror and wonder what has happened to me. I’ve aged massively the last couple of years. I am a shadow of my former self. I never imagined being in a relationship where I couldn’t express myself or disagree. He doesn’t respect me or my opinion at all.

At the same time, we are the strong ones. We are holding our families together… as in looking after our children and trying to ensure their safety… I know when we are eventually out of this, through moving etc, that we will gradually recover and will look as if a weight has been lifted from our shoulders as it will have been… I currently feel as if I am carrying the weight of the world on my back!

[mammyessex]

I’m

So upset again , I just miss my husband miss being able to talk to him about my day or the kids , what’s the point of this is going to be how I feel forever I’m

Not moving any further forward ???? still don’t know where he’s staying sick sick sick !

I’m so sorry your having to live like that my husband turns awful with alcohol so I know what it’s like walking around on egg shells it’s no life I’m never ever no matter what people say going to get over being abandoned by my husband not after all the years together , what if he does clean up on the future and meets some one else does that mean I’m the problem and that me and his kids wernt enough ?

He’s back to gambling hundreds again too , he sent me some money first time in months but what about next week when I’m back to panicking about feeding the kids , I’ve also not had the bus fair for hospitals etc it’s so bloody degrading !

I feel like I’m in Groundhog Day people just expect me to be able to just move on like I’m not living in hell daily , if it wasn’t for the kids I wouldn’t be here x

Love and hugs x

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Mammy

Sorry you are feeling so upset. I think we go through phases as sometimes I’m feeling so upset or so scared or so sad and other times I’m feeling angry or numb or whatever… it changes a lot.

Re: money – as he has left and your son is disabled are you able to claim benefits such as UC, PIP etc? I’m claiming UC and PIP but things won’t be financially better for me until my finances are separate from his when I’ve moved out… as currently we are on a joint claim.

So today I finally managed to be assertive for 5 minutes and I literally told him that he has to call the doctor tomorrow as he had promised. I didn’t actually give an ultimatum… I left it hanging. He agreed he’ll do it. Now I will have to see if he does and how honest he is as he had previously said he would tell this one doctor he trusts.

He just said to me that he wants to create a plan with me as he knows why I’m asking him to call the doctors… but to be honest, I don’t think he does. My impression is he thinks that I’m fed up (which obviously I am) with the relationship (or lack of it)… but to be honest, it’s beyond that… I’m fed up with living with a drug addict and all that entails.

He sits around all day doing nothing except get his drugs, use, sleep, take a bath, watch TV, smoke and drink. The rest of the time he’s bossing me about. The one normal thing he still does is a sporting hobby once a week. He takes all the money, his mood is all over the place and he is volatile and aggressive with me and our child as well as being super unpredictable with other people.

I’m not sure what he thinks I want or what he thinks can be saved. I want him to save himself – to be clean and to get back into work. This is without me… I mean regardless of me. I want him to do it for himself and for our child. So that he can be present for them.

I am not sure if he got clean and sorted himself out whether things could be better between us… I feel beyond that now. Like I said before, the abusive side of him would likely still be there. He is very controlling and I want to be free of that. Yet regardless, I need to find a way to co-parent on some level with him and my best chance is if he is clean.

Coming back to you Mammy… if your husband does get clean and get with someone else, that doesn’t mean the problem is or was with you. It never is! We get all the blame but it is not our fault. We don’t force them to get drugs. We don’t force them to take them. They will find any reason to justify it… including blaming us… my one did it earlier. If our young child is misbehaving (normal for their age) then he blames me for not controlling them and says their behaviour is stressing him out and so now he needs to use drugs, smoke and drink. Tbh, when a person is at that point, they should just be on their own!

I also don’t think it’s about not being enough. Are they enough for us? Do we then go and use drugs or gamble?

From watching my one – no one person or family is ever enough. He has his issues that cause him to use… he has a lot of unresolved trauma from his childhood and past. He has a lot of emotional and psychological pain as a result and I believe he uses the drugs and other substances to try to dull that pain or remove it/replace it even for just 10 minutes. So… even if he met someone else, they might be a high for him for a while during the initial exciting, honeymoon phase but once real life sets in, all his problems will still be there.

My one even said this… even if he moved away… and got away from the dealers and the friends and people who are linked to using, he’d still have the same underlying problems that he’d brought with him.

[mammyessex]

How are you ? I’m still the same no further forward he’s still refusing to do tests for me says he doesn’t have too says he’s off the coke , I don’t believe him he’s still gambling 100 a too , can’t get over this is just life now I’m below rock bottom

[mammyessex]

How are you ? I’m still the same no further forward he’s still refusing to do tests for me says he doesn’t have too says he’s off the coke , I don’t believe him he’s still gambling 100 s too , can’t get over this is just life now I’m below rock bottom

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Mammy

Good to hear from you, but not in the circumstances… I’m sorry that you are feeling so low and he’s being so obstructive.

I’m in a similar position as mine had a brief respite – he told me he was quitting and he did for like 10 days. It was hell. I was sceptical anyway because his quitting coincided with there being no funds to procure the drugs. I just went along with it to see what would happen.

So he has ended up gutting some when I gave him money to go on a cross country trip for a sporting event he wanted to go to. So instead of going or giving me the money back because the travel wasn’t viable, he used the money to spend on drugs, drink and cigarettes. That really upset me. It was money I’d worked really hard to earn and would have otherwise gone on food or paying one of the many hefty bills.

Then as if that wasn’t bad enough, he got some more on tick behind my back. Then takes extra money from the money we get when we were paid. So I’m left short!

I will never give him any money again from my personal earnings.

I’m at my wit’s end. He is vile when off it… so violent. I feel so bad but I now actively am happy when he uses as my life is a lot easier even though he’s annoying when using. He’s not violent or aggressive.

I bid on another property so will find out about that next week. I’m desperate.

[donthaveaclue]

P.S. I woke up to him ransacking the bedroom around me looking for stuff he thinks he’s hidden.

I’m really worried about this coming month as there is no spare money so I have no idea how he will get much more. I’m going away for a couple of days respite and need to find a way to talk to him about this as he promised me last month that he’d be fine coming off it and doing that without any help… and it was a nightmare. I can’t go through that again.

[natasha21]

Morning donthaveaclue,oh my god what is wrong with them. Mine had some on Thursday and Last night and I know he would of had it in the week too. Its getting ridiculous now, when I think about the amount of money he’s wasted on the stuff.im struggling to pay the bills my phone has been cut off because im trying to pay everything. I’m doing 16 hour shifts for him to say why you doing that? You don’t want for money or anything with me. Is he seriously that deluded.he gives me Money sometimes then throws it in my face. Rather do 16 hours a day a pay everything myself so I don’t have to beg.stay safe xx

[donthaveaclue]

Yes, mine says don’t worry about money like he will sort this mess out but it’s me paying all bar the phones and his credit card… so of course I have to worry as I’m the one paying for all the bills and our child’s needs… it’s absurd!

My phone is temporarily back on as we just got paid. It’s so humiliating explaining to people that your phone is off… but you know what… I just tell people the truth now. I’m like yeah my phone’s off cos he didn’t pay the bill. Why should I be embarrassed. He’s not bothered… he’s the opposite of a provider… he’s sucking the life out of me and trying to destroy me.

Mine is so deluded, it is unbelievable.

Is yours worse on or off the drug?

We are survivors and will get out of this mess.

[mammyessex]

Thanks it’s just horrific sick of it all I’m just so stuck heard rumours he’s on opiots too , still nit giving me regular money If I ask questions he turns it round to me

[donthaveaclue]

Re: opiates – maybe he is doing the thing mine had told me some people do, which is coke/crack for the high and heroin to mellow it out… there is a term for it but I can’t remember what it is.

The turning things back round on you sounds about right. It’s just a way of avoiding their own reality by blaming everyone else… when in fact it is no one else but their fault.

Mine is still fixated on me changing as apparently if I work on changing myself that would help. Haha. I just ignore it.

Are the drugs test so that he can see the children?

[mammyessex]

Yeah and to be honest it’s so i no if he’s using

[natasha21]

Hey donthaveaclue, you know what I have no idea cause hes vile 95 percent of the time. So unless he’s face is gunning ( then I know he’s had loads( I think he has some most days.but he’s always horrible, talks to me like shit.x

[donthaveaclue]

Mine is currently passed out on the toilet! Been there for a couple of hours. I tried to get him off the loo and into bed but he was too out of it (prescription drugs that are prescribed for him taken on top of drink and whatever else) and he’s too heavy.

Could you work on a plan to leave or force him to leave via an occupation order as you mentioned DV before? We do not have to put up with this vile, verbally and emotionally and physically abusive behaviour for the rest of our lives.

[mammyessex]

He came to see our son today he didn’t look like he had took anything am I

Being daft in thinking he has stopped using

[donthaveaclue]

Not daft. Hopeful maybe!?

I think that I’d need to see continual lack of usage before I’d think that he’d stopped using. They all seem able to not use for a bit but it never seems to last.

[mammyessex]

He’s not lived here for 8 months

[donthaveaclue]

Mammy – if it creates a lot of strife and causes you a lot of disappointment then maybe just give up on trying to get him to do one. Is it really worth the stress?

If you have safeguarding concerns then you can prevent him seeing them and he can go to court to get an agreement regardinf when he can see them. The court can then force him to do drugs tests so you don’t have to.

I don’t know if it’s bad of me but with mine, I would assume that mine is still using to some degree until he proved otherwise with the onus on him to prove to me… not on me to make him prove… if you get me.

Part of them dealing with the addiction is admitting what they’ve done – the harm and impact on you and the children. If your husband was/is doing that then he would understand why you need the drugs test and want to do it to make you feel comfy. The fact he doesn’t makes me suspect that he is still using.

[natasha21]

Hello beautiful ladies, well you have to laugh,mine thinks he lives in a hotel lol.so 9am this morning he’s eating a Yorke chocolate bar obviously needs the sugar, being on a come down.i said why you eating that so early, hes reply well I thought you were doing me a sausage sandwich. I said unfortunately only one member of staff on today at the hotel and shes trying to do a Sunday dinner, washing so you all have clean clothes for work and clean up.yesterday he sat all day with a blanket on him,drinking, smoking, betting and obviously sniffing when no one was around him.while I did the food shopping, moms uber, the tea you know the usual what we do. God hes hysterical honestly ???? idiot.

[mammyessex]

There wasted as addicts. , could have been comedians ????

[donthaveaclue]

Hahaha! I live the same life as you. I really don’t understand why they think they have the right to lie around recovering or lounge around getting drunk, smoking and doing drugs when we don’t have the luxury to relax or just check out from looking after our kids/family/home etc.

[natasha21]

I did just write a post buy I called him something so they won’t posy my messages so now I’m going to call him lovely names lol.anyway he said hes staying in bed all day because he has no money no fagsso what’s the point in moving. He then asked for crisps and pop lol he’s hilarious.

[natasha21]

Hey, probably had some first thing but not much or maybe after he saw your son.or maybe he never had none at all. I can’t tell anymore if my husband had had any unless he’s had loads and his face don’t keep still.i think he’s using every day or other day but just a bit x

[purpleheart]

Hi Mammy , hope your doing ok even in these awful situations we are in . I hope yours is maybe trying to get off ?, that was the latest round of lies from mine was he wasn’t doing it , until I outed him and he started doing “ a bit” first thing in the mornings before work ?! so by the time I saw him after work it really wasn’t that obvious.. but mine is a crap liar and can’t keep eye contact when I ask him so big give away. Are you feeling any further forward at all ?. My last few weeks have been awful and I couldn’t face coming on here I was that down beat and sad. Alot has happened I’m feeling more positive even though I’ve no clue what’s going to happen next x x

[mammyessex]

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling I’ve been terrible to ???? still struggling to understand how we got here when we’ve done nothing wrong I wonder if I’m ever going to feel better really feel like I won’t im barely making it through each day I’m scared for the future still , wish none of it had happened x I’ll never ever begin to understand the selfishness of it all x Sending hugs ????

[donthaveaclue]

Hey Purple

I’m sorry that you have had such a rough few weeks. I know what you mean about coming on here. I’ve been coming on as often as I can as I’ve been finding it really useful to talk to others going through the same but at other times I’m not able to come on. I think I go into myself a bit. It’s like I’m trying to cling on and not fall apart.

[mammyessex]

That’s exactly how I feel , I’ve started going down hill again where I just want to hide away and not have to see anyone I’m still embarrassed about it all even though I no I have nothing to be embarrassed about I may never get answers and that’s just something I’m going to have to deal with x

[donthaveaclue]

The problem with addiction is that it is such a taboo and has such a stigma attached to it… when you are the partner of the addict, it kind of feels as if that rubs off on you.

I have found it embarrassing too. None of my family know about it. They would be livid if they knew. They would never forgive him. I think they might also be angry with me for not getting out sooner (as no one understands the dynamics behind it unless they have been through it, especially the DV) and for not being open about it etc. So… it feels like some dirty secret I’m keeping for him!

The answers thing – yeah, I think the thing to bear in mind is that I don’t think they even know the answers to our questions… like they are stuck in this cycle, likely have little insight as to why they are stuck in it or how to get out etc. So they are clutching at straws and desperately trying to not go down any further. I don’t think they really care how we feel or what we think.

Also perhaps sometimes there isn’t a good reason… like I kinda know why mine is in the situation… he had a terrible childhood that has left him with a lot of trauma, we unwittingly moved next door to a drugs den (we don’t live next door to that now) and so he came into contact to people doing those kinds of things, and he was then exposed to a drug that he’d previously been addicted to (an addiction that I knew nothing about)… and then Covid and lockdown happened so he was stuck at home next door to the druggies… those are a few of the factors.

It’s much more complex, but you know what I take from all of this? None of that matters. At the end of the day, whatever factors there are, none of it is my fault! I haven’t done anything wrong. The issue lies with him. The relationship isn’t working because he chose drugs and other substances over me and his child. So it doesn’t matter what he says to me. There is no excuse that he could come up with that would make it okay or better.

[mammyessex]

You are absolutely right ! When I think of all new put me and his own kids through I still can’t believe it ! The problem is I still love him when will that go , how and why do I still love him after all this ? It’s not so much the drugs well it is but it’s the lies and slyness the money leaving us with nothing how are they not ashamed ?

[donthaveaclue]

Hey Mammy

Have you looked into trauma bonding at all? Try typing this into Google – trauma bonding addiction

I think co-dependency or trauma bonding can be factors that cause us to feel bonded and in love with a person who has hurt us so badly…

I know when I go, I’ll be so sad and upset as although I’ll be relieved, I also still feel love towards him. I didn’t fall in love with someone I knew to be an addict.

[mammyessex]

Yes I have I defiantly think I have both ???? so sad for us all that these idiots have put us in this position x we will shine again ladies ????

[natasha21]

Hey purple heart and mammy.i hope you are both ok? I’ve come to the realisation now that I can’t do anything to stop him so I just let him get on well it,he not hurting me or the kids ( just words to me when he’s on his come down I think) and I say who the hell do you think your talking to.then walk away. I know he has the capability of being violent with lots of drink in him too so always wary on his mood and face. But other than that I’m getting on with my life, feeling positive, walking, listening to music, concentrating on me for once.very rare I let him get me down anymore when he’s the problem. Oh and the lies lol he actually believes himself. I just say now oh here we go its story time. And he still carries on.plank.love to you both

[natasha21]

Hey purple heart and mammy.i hope you are both ok? I’ve come to the realisation now that I can’t do anything to stop him so I just let him get on well it,he not hurting me or the kids ( just words to me when he’s on his come down I think) and I say who the hell do you think your talking to.then walk away. I know he has the capability of being violent with lots of drink in him too so always wary on his mood and face. But other than that I’m getting on with my life, feeling positive, walking, listening to music, concentrating on me for once.very rare I let him get me down anymore when he’s the problem. Oh and the lies lol he actually believes himself. I just say now oh here we go its story time. And he still carries on.plank.love to you both

[mammyessex]

You are doing amazing I wish I had your strength I feel like I’ve got nothing left in me to give need to try to keep pushing on for the kids , hard with no regular money off pablo x

[donthaveaclue]

Hey Mammy

I think it’s worth remembering that he left you whilst he was in the midst of addiction. His thoughts and actions whilst being an addict are not the same as they would be if he wasn’t using… so as hurtful as it has been for you, reading into what he’s chosen to do whilst actively, seriously using cocaine is perhaps not a great reflection of how he truly feels underneath everything.

It could be the case that he thought he was saving you and the children from being exposed to his addiction. Or maybe he found it too distressing being around you guys whilst he knew he was in such a state… or some other variation of that. If he ever gets clean then that’s a conversation you could have with him. In the meantime, try to be kind to yourself and don’t second guess his actions. It will only pull you down and make you feel bad about yourself when you have nothing to feel bad about. You are the strong one, holding the fort and taking care of your children.

[mammyessex]

Thanks ❤️ It’s really hard trying not to overthink every single action isn’t it x 8 months of just pure hell x

[purpleheart]

Mammy I hope you eventually feel strong enough to move on unfortunately I don’t think we will ever find the answers we are looking for . just try and concentrate on you and your babies xx cheers Natasha I have been concentrating on myself and our children but I can’t bear to be around him on that sh1te so I’ve made the decision and if he doesn’t quit I’m gone . We are in bother financially , he’s not lifted a finger at home for about 12 months and then the drugs to top it off. I’m not living my life out as a second to cocaine I cant deal with him as I have to look after my children and myself so I’m here for them . Mammy sending a hug to you , Natasha sending you some strong survivor vibes xx

[mammyessex]

Hi guess the fact mine left me gives me the answers he just musnt have loved me enough to stay which is just absolutely shitty x another day over I suppose x love too you both x

[natasha21]

Hey mammy, you can do this, think positive. I was like you especially in January, I suffered from depression and wanted to end it all but I thought about my kids and what I was leaving them with ( him)and thought he’ll no.so I said to myself get a grip,work earn my own money which I’ve always done anyway and live my life. The way I look at it is hes someone who just lives in the same house, we hardly talk and definitely don’t do anything else. So I enjoy my life. Love to you both, stay strong xx

[donthaveaclue]

So I’ve had a couple of nights respite. Due back tomorrow. Feel so much better away from it.

I have reached the same point as Natasha regarding realising that nothing I do will make any difference. It’s kind of liberating. It’s all on him.

Mine behaves terribly when not using so there is a difference there… I feel guilty as even though I don’t want him using, I hate him off the drugs as he is so dangerous then. Reality is there is no money left so him actively continuing to use is completely unrealistic regardless of if he wants to or how I feel about it.

He has admitted to me that when I do leave he will really miss me…. he will be lonely and have regret. I’m at the point where it doesn’t matter if mine stopped using tomorrow… it wouldn’t undo what he’s done to me and our child so I’m definitely wanting to live in my own place regardless. I need to feel free, safe and peaceful. I don’t think I could ever trust him.

I’m not sure if this is strange or not but my one doesn’t try to hide his usage. It’s quite obvious to me. Even if he tried to, I can instantly tell – he has a totally different vibe, the way he holds his lips/mouth changes, he gets sweaty, he goes inwards, he starts requesting loads of things in a really annoying but not aggressive or loud way… his hands shake…

[natasha21]

Good morning my beautiful ladies. Remember none of this is your fault its theres and its a choice what they are making, I don’t care what excuse they are doing it for, god all ive been through with him over the years I should be on all different drugs.but I’m not its a choice,donthaveaclue lovely, mine doesn’t hide it either anymore I can tell 95 percent when he’s on it too,hands shake,feet keep fidgeting, lip slightly moving at an angle ,clearing his throat and nose, sniffing, I could go on but you all know lol.although I have not told my family I have no problem telling anyone else now he’s on that crap,I mean they all know anyway and it’s not like he’s ashamed, in fact sometimes I think hes quite proud and brazen about its. So like I say beauties it’s not your fault so live each day as its your last,look after your kids and yourself because if you fall apart who will look after them and raise them.stay positive and strong xx

[natasha21]

Also aswell people don’t seem to be shocked anymore when you mention cocaine (like it’s a normal thing to do, clearly I’m not normal)because so many people are actually on the stuff its untrue they can get it easier than getting fans.i have no idea what the world has come to. But we none users are a tiny majority xx

[donthaveaclue]

Yes, where I live it is a part of regular society like every other person seems to use it!

I know mums who do it before the school run!!! I get offered it at parties etc. My one told me that if you go in the men’s toilets in venues where we live then there are often a couple of lines that someone will have accidentally left on the back of the toilet!!! I’ve personally never seen this in the ladies though. As bad as it sounds, I know way more male users than females.

[natasha21]

Hello donthaveaclue,I hope you are well beautiful. My hubby used to tell me I was boring all the time because I never went to the pub and drank alcohol, well im glad im boring cause im not the one addicted to drink and drugs.sad how society are so hooked on the white stuff. Anyway shoulders back,stand straight and strong.let all negative energy go so you can feel positive energy and vibes and remember to smile xxx

[donthaveaclue]

Thanks Natasha!

I’ve been feeling quite good as I’ve been away from it since Sunday. I go back end of the week.

Anyway, he contacted me today to get the money to pay for the unpaid bill. I was so annoyed as he sort of emotionally slung it at me like unburdening himself of a problem and expected me to fix it!

I’ve had to put it on credit card and that’s it now… everything is maxed out. It is totally his fault it is unpaid. It made me feel how irresponsible he has been. It confirms that I am making the right decision as ultimately he is unreliable and selfish in his addiction.

Anyway, I didn’t hold back a obviously I could say as I’m not in his physical presence. So he knows how I feel about it.

What upset me is when he told me about it, it instantly caused me severe anxiety feelings in my tummy etc. I hate that. I haven’t felt like that for a bit.

[natasha21]

Hi donthaveaclue, yeh I can relate to that because I was suffering panic attacks for a couple of years on and off,so tried to work it out what was causing it.turns out its him and his drinking and volatile mood swings, so I now try to meditate and relax as much as I can.i had a friend say to me how strong I was because most women would crumble, its made me such a strong independent woman its untrue. So stay strong because you are doing an amazing job xx

[mammyessex]

Hi how is everyone? I feel like I’m right back at the start he actually tried to say the other day he left because he stopped loving me, the drugs are not the problem I am , I’m sure he has progressed to injecting or something he’s constantly sleeping and has a massive infection in his arm

This week , why do I care , why am I arsed when he has left me and my boys with nothing I don’t understand it it’s like I’m addicted to him and getting answers , why can’t he just admit it it’s so glaringly obvious he’s lost everything!

[donthaveaclue]

Hi Mammy

I do think you can be addicted to a person. I struggle with this too even though I also hate what he’s done and is doing to me and our child.

I am at the end of my tether. I literally feel as if I’m falling apart this week.

My one has been so horrible to me too. He has been blaming me. He bought 3 in the past 2 days and apparently thats cos I stress him out. He hasn’t paid a bill he should have and is threatening not to pay my phone again (it’s in his name).

I have no money for food for the rest of the month. I spend most of my time in a state of anxiety trying not to cry.

I’m so exhausted by it all. I just want to run away but I have nowhere to go.

[natasha21]

Hello beautiful ladies, god there’s got to be a better way of existing cause let’s face it that’s what we are doing. I want to live and enjoy life its too short and im being held back by him.so I’m quite lucky cause hes been on a course all week and then working away next week, I try to be polite on a weekend but you know sometimes I’m not strong for the way he talks to me and acts. I’m also falling further into debt with bills and actually don’t know how to pay them. More 12 hour shifts for me I suppose, all because he prefers that white stuff. Remember girls it’s not our fault, and their words are horrible and cruel but not true, they just don’t like themselves and insecure and weak,so throw it all on to you. And mammy,I would love my partner to go so it’s just me and my boys, so rebuild your life and keep him out your life. Love to you both xxx

[mammyessex]

It’s like a blessing and a curse Natasha I should be greatful but think I’m

More livid he didn’t give me the chance to kick his arse out , he even took that away x

[donthaveaclue]

I know what you mean Natasha. I just want mine to go. Or for me to break free.

I actually felt incredibly desperate yesterday. I was having feelings I didn’t want… just absolutely desperate. Made so much worse by the fact I applied to the housing register a year ago and I’ve not had anything to bid on for 2 weeks now so feel no hope.

He has been so emotionally and financially abusive to me the past week.

I’m sorry you are struggling with money so much too. It’s horrendous and so embarrassing. People must wonder why I can’t afford things because on paper I should be able to… he still hasn’t paid me back all my wages that he took.

[mammyessex]

I also have had zero luck with council , ridiculous ! Unless I go in a homeless shelter I’m screwed

[donthaveaclue]

I think the next step for me is to go back to council and ask if it’s worth getting reassessed/would I get rebanded higher if I were to do so.

Otherwise, I have the option of speaking to my MP or local councillors.

Have you tried talking to your MP or councillors Mammy?

[mammyessex]

I’m

So sorry we are in this hell I don’t understand how they can live with themselves tbh x if he hadn’t have left me I’m such dire financial state I probs could move on , my sons behaviour is shocking there in therapy x one common theme is they all blame us , narcissist c&nts I also have zero money for food luckily my dad bought me some x

[mammyessex]

I’m

So sorry we are in this hell I don’t understand how they can live with themselves tbh x if he hadn’t have left me I’m such dire financial state I probs could move on , my sons behaviour is shocking there in therapy x one common theme is they all blame us , narcissist c&nts I also have zero money for food luckily my dad bought me some x

[donthaveaclue]

What kind of things does your son do Mammy?

My kid is affected – I can feel how frustrated they are, they also don’t want to live here, I get hit a lot by them now when they feel frustrated as they are not able to voice it, to cry or have their own mindset etc … they are only little. It’s really sad. I’m worried and it’s another reason I’m desperate to leave.

The food thing is so hard. Yesterday I ended up spending 30 on food in Aldi which is basically taken from bill money. So now I dunno how to pay all them. It’s making me so anxious. On my own I’m so good with money and can even save!

[natasha21]

Morning ???? ladies, how are we today? Well I went out for food and drink last night with a school friend. I actually loved it and felt alive and not trapped and free.does that sound bizarre, so I decided there and then that I need to do it more often, I mean he goes out when he feels like it and spends god knows how much, I spent less than £20 on food and drink and couldn’t stop laughing all night. I feel like ive been locked away for too long xx

[mammyessex]

Pleased you had a good time you deserve it x

[mammyessex]

He throws stuff all over I think it’s frustration his dad let him down Today x sick as , more debt has surfaced too

[donthaveaclue]

Natasha – No, it makes total sense! The freedom. I’m glad you were able to do that and make time for yourself.

[natasha21]

Hello beautiful ladies, well today I’ve been really busy as I always am on a Sunday, cleaning washing, roast dinner the usual. And what’s he done! Oh yeh just sat and watched me lazy b. I asked him to peg towels out he said no. I said no problem, good job im so independent and strong and actually don’t need you. Hes gone out now, god knows what time he will be back. Stay strong beauties xx

[mammyessex]

???????? I took my sons too the cinema couldn’t really afford it but he promised them x

[donthaveaclue]

Sounds as if you had a very productive day Natasha.

Mine is also the same. He does nothing. Came back from party and he ordered me to make him 2 egg and bacon sandwiches. He waited til I came back. He literally just eats crisps and junk food while I’m gone.

He was meant to build our child’s bike for them or help me do it. Instead yesterday high and today come down.

What kind of a father is that? I could build bike myself but he controls everything in the house and won’t let me. xx

[natasha21]

Oh bless what to watch? Xx

[mammyessex]

The new Jurassic World it was canny x

[natasha21]

Ohhh yeh I know. At least you had quality time with your boys xx

[donthaveaclue]

I’m glad you go out Mammy though sorry it cost you when you can’t afford it. I did similar… was my child’s birthday. My parents paid for a party. So we did that. I had to pay for a few things and dinner (kebab).

Lazy B (I like that Natasha!) didn’t come… in fact even worse, he slept in… so by the time we left at just gone noon, he hadn’t even surfaced. Our child had waited since 8ish for him to wake up so they could open their presents and cards! We left with them unopened. Is this how it is gonna be?

Child and I had a great time at the party.

Came back and he said he’s gonna ask his family for money and wants me to ask mine too! Like how cheeky is that?When we’d be fine if he hadn’t spent all the family money on the white stuff, cigarettes and drink!

He has been volatile to me tonight. He was awful last night. He’s extremely paranoid and on a come down.

xx

[natasha21]

Morning ladies, oh my god lazy b does nothing, im used to it now and just do everything myself, because I know im strong and actually when I’m on my own life will just carry on for me, now him on the other hand will live in a pig sty.yeh he’s never done anything with my boys either and I used to say stay out the pub and spend time with them while they are young,because when they are older they will have nothing to do with you. And that’s exactly what happened they don’t even like him,like me they tolerate him.so your children will all be the same. Have a lovely day beauties xx

[mammyessex]

I see this happening already x sunny day today have a good one ladies , much love x

[donthaveaclue]

Yes, mine will definitely be living in a pig sty too. Whenever I leave for a few days and come back, it’s absolutely filthy, so messy and disgusting.

You are right Natasha – our child has become quite detached from him already. He even noticed/knows. He blames me, saying it is because they spend all their time with me.. but makes no attempt to rectify this. I am quite certain our child will make their own mind up. ????

[natasha21]

The children will make their own mind up regarding their dad,she you just carry on being wonderful loving moms you are,mine even say now to friends he used to talk to my mom made me the way I am, good work ethic,polite and respectful and they all agree. So you keep doing what your doing and leave him to keep sniffing, he will lose out not you xxx

[donthaveaclue]

Hey ladies

Another hot day, another day of him getting stuff, using, sitting in the bath stinking (he sweats so bad when he uses and it makes him stink!) and wandering around constantly calling me to do things for him and generally being paranoid… child is at childcare so that’s good… but I’m so fed up of it. I just want to run away. I feel so trapped at the moment and so overwhelmed by it. I don’t know why I feel so different the past week or so… just had enough.

I hope everyone else’s days are going better! xx

[natasha21]

Hello lovely, I actually no I have it bad but no where near as you. I actually could cope with that at least mine is a functioning addict and still works.i would end up throwing the toaster in the bath to him xx

[donthaveaclue]

Yeah the no escape is horrendous. I was actually thinking about that earlier. I can’t even get the house tidied because I’m not allowed to touch anything in case I accidentally touch his stuff/throw it away etc. I used to wait til he’d go out/go to work, tidy up a bit and quickly rush round vacumming etc.

At one point he was going out just to get out of the house (like to the gym) so I’d still get some respite… but lately it’s been incessant. I’m the one who has been going out quite a bit just to get out… and then he wonders why!

[mammyessex]

I can’t believe the hell you are having to live with how can he stay and allow it to continue with no shame it’s mind blowing and absolutely disgusting x I wish o could come and remove it for you x

[natasha21]

Oh my god I couldn’t cope honestly, I would of lost the plot by now. Why do these addicts think its acceptable to inflict a sh…. life on others, just cause they are weak and a waste of oxygen. I seriously have no sympathy for the addicts at all because i don’t care what anyone says it’s a choice x

[donthaveaclue]

I feel as if I am losing the plot a bit tbh. Today the windows were shut as he’s using and it smells and he’s paranoid… then he’s smoking… it is insufferable.

Thankfully this morning I’d gone to help a friend and on the way back took our child in the playground so at least we’d been outside and had some fresh air.

It just makes me so sad as I’d have had all the windows open and been pottering outside with our child playing in the garden… instead I’m locked inside with him ranting and raving.

He got in such a bad mood as we are broke… no money to pay bills that are overdue. I will try and get free fresh food tomorrow via a community food share thingy.

I’ve lost any sympathy I had too. It is a choice and regardless… why drag others down with you? He can do it alone and not inflict this poverty, volatility and restricted life on us. I wish he’d just go. I’m so angry inside. I can never forgive him.

[mammyessex]

I’m with you it is a choice right down to there first use they could have just said no like I know I would because I’m not a selfish £uck

[mammyessex]

Hey ladies I’m so sorry they are still effecting us in most ways , I got took to hospital today I’ve been struggling with my breathing for weeks been on many tablets had tests today and they say it’s my anxiety ???? now I’ve had anxiety years and never ever felt breathless to the point I can’t even have a cigarette, I’m scared , scary how someone can inflict so much mental abuse on you that it makes you physically and mentally sick ???? no money again cos apparently he was sun stroke , suppose that’s a new one eh x ❤️ Stay strong x

[donthaveaclue]

Ladies

I’m currently homeless although the council don’t agree… they say I should force my way in as I am joint tenant.

He didn’t have any stuff yesterday and he switched… told me and our child not to come back to house anymore. I didn’t beg or plead. This time I just said okay.

I can’t do it anymore. I’m at my lowest ebb.

Now he’s started on a campaign to destroy me.

I have to contact a charity to help me apparently… staying at friends and family for a bit while I try to sort it out.

[mammyessex]

What’s happening ? Report him to police for violence and get him removed

[mammyessex]

Hey how are you ? Did you get sorted

[mammyessex]

Really concerned , hope you have managed to get somewhere safe this is the bad side of this forum we have no other way of contacting you

[purpleheart]

Still hoping your ok since your last post xx

[mammyessex]

Me too I’m very worried ????

[mammyessex]

Still thinking of you and hope your safe x

[natasha21]

Hey donthaveaclue, go to the council and say you cannot force your way in because he’s violent. Contact womens aid and ask for a support worker ASAP x

[natasha21]

Hey donthaveaclue, can you let me know your ok please, im worried about you xx

[mammyessex]

Me too x

[natasha21]

Yeh I completely agree people can lose their lives to these addicts and we would never know. Im worried about her too xx

[mammyessex]

It’s not right we are here to support each other we should be able to at least message each other to give out our numbers etc if we want too x I’m hoping she’s maybe not been on as she’s in a new accommodation without wifi ? Hope she’s ok and safe x

[natasha21]

Hi mammyessex,I completely agree I would absolutely give my number for a what’s app group. We all need each other on this forum xx

[purpleheart]

Sorry I’ve been on for a while been reserving strength 🙁 – I’m sure you know how it is – everyday chaotic .

Really worried to see all notifications and hoping donthaveaclue is ok . Hoping it’s WiFi like Mammy said . Come on DHAC get in touch lovely xx

[purpleheart]

Sorry I’ve been on for a while been reserving strength 🙁 – I’m sure you know how it is – everyday chaotic .

Really worried to see all notifications and hoping donthaveaclue is ok . Hoping it’s WiFi like Mammy said . Come on DHAC get in touch lovely xx

[mammyessex]

Was wondering how you were lovely x

[purpleheart]

Mammy- sitting on the worst rollercoaster in the world . OH going awol on binges , crash downs, moods , still denying using until cornered , confiscating drugs like a teacher or something . Bleeding torture isn’t it . But I’m holding it together for my kids and trying to maintain me .

How are you ? I’ve caught up on your msgs. You sound stronger .

So hoping DHAC gets in touch , I know it breaches but maybe. moderators should have means of contact for situations like this x

[mammyessex]

I’m hoping there is some way of them

Contacting her maybe with her email address? I’m too still riding this rollercoaster we never asked to get on x I’m still rock bottom it’s affecting my physical health now but what can we do ? We have no choice but to get up every day and plough on x

[purpleheart]

That’s it – we can do this and we will come out the other side .

Try and look after yourself Mammy , don’t let that cr a p get the better of you too .

I’m at the stage where I’m sick of talking and thinking about cocaine every day and I’ve never had personal dealing with that rubbish ! It’s a sick joke .

Exhausts and rules me still .

Sending you a hug and a high 5 🙂 your doing a great job ..we all are xx

[mammyessex]

Thankyou you too x I’m so pleased I’m not the only who is sick of thinking about addiction /cocaine every day it rules my life I feel like the bloody addict ! Yet I’ve never took a drug in my life x. Keep in touch and let’s hope we here from dhac soon xx

[purpleheart]

That’s it – we can do this and we will come out the other side .

Try and look after yourself Mammy , don’t let that cr a p get the better of you too .

I’m at the stage where I’m sick of talking and thinking about cocaine every day and I’ve never had personal dealing with that rubbish ! It’s a sick joke .

Exhausts and rules me still .

Sending you a hug and a high 5 🙂 your doing a great job ..we all are xx

[natasha21]

Hey im so worried about her x

[mammyessex]

Hiya lovely Just letting you no I found out Friday he’s been cheating on and living with a ugly vile head since he left me I’m beyond broken here

[mammyessex]

What can we do ? This is awful I hope she’s ok x

[mammyessex]

What can we do ? This is awful I hope she’s ok x surely they have a have it contacting her

[natasha21]

I’m going to email them tomorrow or try contacting them.see if there’s something they can do x

[natasha21]

I’m going to email them tomorrow or try contacting them.see if there’s something they can do x how have you been? X

[mammyessex]

Had ok couple of days then something big from my family’s past came out and all I wanted was him ???? hi how have you been x

[natasha21]

Oh bless you, ive been ok. Hes still the same a drug addict,selfish idiot. Yesterday he never moved out of bed till 1:30pm.i did everything as normal roast dinner, washing, drying cleaning.i asked for a cup of tea at 7 Last night, no he said im going to bed. Charming man isn’t he. X

[purpleheart]

Mammy I’m so so sorry . He’s been cheating have i read that right? If so what a pig. Sending you a big hug , I came on here yesterday to see if DHAC had been on :(. So hope she’s ok xx

[mammyessex]

For over a year moved in the lot she’s a fellow coke head

[mammyessex]

What a utter mug I’ve been

[purpleheart]

You are not a mug . It’s all part of the nasty tangled web of cocaine . You must not beat yourself over this . He’s a disgrace xx

[purpleheart]

I know it’s not going to feel like this right now , but you are worth so much more than him and his addiction . You will be ok – you really will , find that strength in your belly Mammy xx

[mammyessex]

Thanks you guys have been a lifeline that’s why I’m putting it on cos this forum saved me x how are you

[mammyessex]

He’s still denying using to , clown ????

[purpleheart]

He’s a fool . I hope you’ve been managing ok with your boys whilst all this has unfolded . It’s been my saviour too this forum ❤️ , mine had left and I started to make plans to leave etc and then he did a you turn ( not the first time though ) he’s 12 days clean but that’s testing every other day . I’m still living on pins and my walls are fully up . So That’s where I am right now but that can always change in a matter of hours in this world as you know x

[mammyessex]

Has he ever cheated ? Oh I do it’s just a crappy existence x

[purpleheart]

Not that I know of . Xx

[mammyessex]

I never ever thought mine would loyal to a t till the devils powder x

[purpleheart]

No , nothings off limits with that stuff I guess . X

[mammyessex]

I will never ever understand just how much it can change someone if it hadn’t of happened to me I’d never have believed it x

[natasha21]

Hi mammyessex, how are you beautiful? So hes been cheating, b. ….. how long for? You know you are better off without him.i know you are hurting now but in time you will be happy. Mine is still the same selfish creature xxx

[natasha21]

Hi mammyessex, how are you beautiful? So hes been cheating, b. ….. how long for? You know you are better off without him.i know you are hurting now but in time you will be happy. Mine is still the same selfish creature xxx

[mammyessex]

Yes for over a year actually living with her too the stuff I’ve found out is horrific x

[haiderbrook]

kratom plant is a medicinal herb indigenous to Southeast Asia. Recent findings suggest that super Green Kratom powder is purchased from internet sources by some of the 40 million Americans with chronic pain to self-manage opioid withdrawal.

[natasha21]

Oh my god mammyessex I feel for you. I’m actually thinking the same about my hubby that he’s cheated and now hates if I go out.for instance I went out yesterday afternoon with the girls for food and drink he was meal to be working away but came home early. He phoned me and asked where I was,so I told him.he thought I would lie,I said im not you. Anyway I walked in at 9,30 last night. You could see he knew he was losing even more control off me,and ive got a new job now too.he wasn’t nasty Last night but he kept sniping and was saying things like, was it busy( I knew he was asking if there were men there) I said you need to realise I’m not you and don’t talk or have my picture taken with strange men.( obviously I found pictures of him smiling with two women on his phone. D head didn’t know what to say. I said yes you need to realise I know everything you do. Xx

[mammyessex]

They are utter morons can’t stand the thought of what we do but expect us to put up with them doing whatever they want x

[natasha21]

Exactly, then cheeky b was wanting you know what all night. Really, he makes me physically sick x

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