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Hi. I was hoping to get some answers. I’m a bloke and can’t really see many post by males with similar experiences.
I have been with my partner for 3 years. She has been on heroin and crack since 18. She is 30 now. At the beginning she disclosed that she takes but she is not hooked anymore (cleverly said).
I need an advice on what to do. And if you think she can stop? I was judging her by myself – I stoped drinking, smoking, using recreational drugs. I tried crack and heroin once or twice, but it never appealed to me…
Recently I figured out she has been stealing from me (” she would never do that she reassured long time ago”). She lost her job, I suspect by using the money she nicked from me to get smashed and then they sacked her for not turning up.
She was unemployed before, because she decide she might as well not work as it all goes to local dealer and eventually taliban anyway. I supported her hoping she was going to get clean and sort herself out. She could manage to stay clean for about 3 weeks (provided she hadn’t lied.) by using methadone instead (she never managed without methadone tho). Eventually after 8 month I told her to go to work again (which she lost now – 2 years later). 2 years worth of wages went to local scum bag dealers and Taliban.
She never really made any serious attempt to get help. She doesn’t want NHS to know and doesn’t want to have it on record. She wen to NA twice (provided she hadn’t lied) and some other place, but always came back smashed.
She lives in my place. When i told her I know she stole the money and implied she is not welcome anymore she turned up regardless , looking like beaten puppy. She stole money from me again since. Again when i find out, I texted her to leave, when I get home she is still there. The only solution is to physically remove from my place.
3 days later I still haven’t kicked her out as she has nothing and will just end up on the street.
It’s Sunday, I’m going to work. I left her about 4 quid because I don’t want her to go hungry and if I leave her anymore she will just go to the dealer. 2 days ago someone gave her a bike. She sold it yesterday. She came home and I could smell heroin on her breath.
What do i do?
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Me personally id get rid. If you have no ties. She obv dont want to get help.
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Can I ask why doesn’t she want NHS to know?
It does kind of sound like an excuse not to get the help she needs…
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You can make your decision however you have got to have boundaries, if she’s stealing from you then you need to consider if you can trust her at your place – I’m guessing not – I totally get you’ll feel somewhat responsible for her in the way she has nowhere to go etc (doesn’t she have family?)
If she uses/ steals for her without facing consequences then you are enabling and what reason does she have to get clean? She’s getting the best of both worlds/ with regards to money for food is a massive no no… regardless of the amount…
Get some boundaries in place and stick to them then go from there… if she excuses to get help the. You’ve got to think of yourself…
Good luck to you and your partner I hope she gets the help she needs
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