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It’s pretty hard for an addict to realize what’s going on around him. Nothing he does is ever his fault, and no matter how you approach him, he will feel like you’re attacking him.

I don’t know if he admits that he has a problem, but it might be time for him to get help if he does. Being supportive is excellent, but there’s so much you can do.

Talking to someone who’s been where he is can be beneficial for him and you. That’s why I’m writing to you.

We have to look deeper than the cocaine addiction. Cocaine is the band-aid that hides a deeper scar. Depression, low self-esteem, low self-confidence are all after-effects of cocaine use. They can be highly damaging to him and his surrounding. As I can read, it has already begun.

You wrote that he’s willing to talk about it to sort things out. It might be a good time to see if he’s ready to get help for his addiction. Ask him in a non-confronting way, of course. Addicts need support from people who understand what they’re going through and who’s better than an ex-addict.

If he doesn’t want help or thinks he doesn’t need help, you can’t, unfortunately, do anything more. He has to be ready to get clean for himself and be dedicated to his well-being.

You need to make a decision that will benefit you and your family. Trust is something that is built with concrete actions and not words. It’s never easy to live with an addict because you never know if he’s lying or not.

Remember that an addict lies to be able to continue his addiction. He doesn’t realize how much he’s hurting the people closest to him. His addiction is the number one thing, and everything else is secondary.

I hope that you’ll have a positive talk with him and I wish you the best. Have a great day.

[smile]

Thank you for ur reply I appreciate it sadly he says since the sept over our friends he has not used anything and he was quite annoyed I had even thought he had but I think he’s personality hasent really got much better despite seeing our friend who is a qualified councillor or 25 yrs and yes I agree defo been underlying probs in the past but I just think there is not anything that’s a major issue anymore and yet he seems to just keep finding things to be draining bout if he’s not going to admit it as he didn’t when we went out in sept I don’t think he thinks there’s a problem but we have broken up so

[smile]

I think deep

Down he never wanted to

Stop

Using the drug even if it was sociable nights out

[smile]

Yes I act agree cos it was me saying I can’t be with someone on coke so he did stop for a while but as I said he then went behind my back in sept so that was more important than us esp as we had talked bout it I ask him for an explanation last night cos he has been messaging me but really he couldn’t give me one sad really

[icarus-trust]

I’m sorry to read of the problems you are facing because of your partner’s addiction. It must be very hard for you.

I work for a charity called Icarus Trust which offers support to people going through what you are due to addiction in the family. we know it’s hard to deal with and we have trained and experienced Family Friends who you could talk with if you get in touch. Maybe talking to one of them might help you to make sense of it all and find a way ahead.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

I hope this helps. Good luck.

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