[worried86]

I wouldn’t normally do this but I’m reaching out my heart is broken and my stomach is in knots. I’m in tears writing this.

Im lost with what to do.

I’ve been with my boyfriend just over a year.

He walked into my life and gave me so much love and happiness I hadn’t felt in years, and my son who lost his dad to brain tumours.

We were perfect together, couldn’t have asked for more.

A few weeks in he broke his ankle so he stayed with me he couldn’t work so I supported him, gave him money to pay his kids maintenance, etc etc.

A friend told me he had previously been a cocaine user and when I asked him about it he said he had but had been off it for 3 months already, he was ashamed so didn’t say.

I took this and was glad he’d stopped.

So up until January we spent every day together it was amazing n fun soul mates.

Then he went back to work….

He started disappearing ????

I was tearing my hair out with worry thinking he’d crashed. he’d say he just had to chill n was sat in his car.

The more it happened the more i became suspicious then the lies… blatant lies…

Saying he was somewhere when he wasn’t, saying he was on way back but didn’t.

Totally ignoring my calls and texts all night.

He’d reappear anywhere from midnight to the early hrs of the morning.

I made him do a test in march and I came back positive, I was physically sick.

All the lies and deceit how could he ????????

He promised he would stop he just did it cus he got down or stressed n it chilled him out.

I was at the point of swabbing the toilets to confirm my suspicions, yep always coming back positive!!

He didn’t stop. He would come back like a child, sorry and then the tears, shame, let me down let himself down, sorry sorry.

He’d say all this n I’d believe him in the hope that was the last time.

It got to the stage where it was every week.

This week it’s been 3 times n I’m distraught. Latest being last night – he got back at 5am!!!

This is a huge problem, and is it just when he disappears or is it everyday during the day and he’s hiding it.

I’m trying so hard to understand I know it’s a poison n it’s got his claws in him. This is his go to when he can’t cope, but it’s making it worse.

He is such an amazing guy when he wasn’t doing coke.

But now he doesn’t talk to me, has shut off from me, is annoyed with my questions n anxiety.

He’s broken my trust and I’ve become anxious and paranoid to the point it’s taking over my days.

I spend all day worrying if he’s coming back or not.

Why can’t he see he’s destroying himself, his sons, my son, me and the amazing relationship we had.

It’s all still there I love him so much I can’t let him keep doing this to himself.

I just want him to stop and be my soul mate and family again. I love him so much

[dasey]

Hello hunny

I really wished I could say love is enough but until he seeks help nothing will change

You have to look after yourself and your little boy. Make good decisions about what you want in the future because nows the time to do it

Sending hugs ????

[Author]

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