[alw847]

I think I already know the answer, but I can talk to anyone in my life about this and I’m not sure how to approach the issue with my partner.

Ever since I’ve known him he’s used occasional half of a painkiller for a toothache or especially bad back pain (broke his back and never got it treated as a young teen.) He smokes weed pretty regularly, but then again we are in a US state where recreational marijuana is legal. He drinks every so often, again nothing alarming. Occasional party drugs or something of the sort at festivals but never on the regular. As of recent he’s been smoking weed but doing nothing else and has been making an effort to live more of an active lifestyle. I’ve been really proud of him for making these decisions for himself.

This past weekend we were away on a trip and I needed a rubbing alcohol wipe. I went into one of his toiletry bags that were out without really thinking twice. Found two pieces of foil folded in 4, inside of these pieces of foil were black burn lines. From what I have researched I think this means he is smoking his painkillers? I am really hoping not heroin, that would break me. I don’t see any physical evidence of heroin but I did find painkillers, so that is my guess, but I guess they’re one in the same…

I don’t even know how to approach this. He’s so functional and happy and is proud of how well he his doing in a lot of areas of life right now, do I even bring it up? I know everyone is allowed to have secrets but it is hurtful that he is hiding something like this from me. Makes me feel like… what else is he hiding. I’ve always been one to give people privacy, so I can’t even be like “hey I went in your bag and saw this.” I just can’t shake the sight, I don’t know if I should bring it up and tell him I know what is going on and I want to get him help or something? Or am I better off just leaving and letting him be with his demons? So stressed and lost right now.

[bt1978]

Hey

Thanks for posting

What you described reads like heroin Use – the only way to really know is ask him.

Can you do this?

[alw847]

Hi, thanks for responding. I did tell him I was suspicious that he was smoking painkillers or heroin because I noticed his pupils dilated and he occasionally nods off. He didn’t act defensive or up in arms. He said yes he occasionally takes a painkiller or some promethizine at night if he’s in a lot of pain but he is not smoking heroin or pills. And he told me he was glad I said something instead of it it eating at me. It hasn’t come up again since. I didn’t want to harp on it and ruin the trip.

I don’t even know how to go about saying more. Do I say “I went in your bag and this is what I saw.” Ask him directly what is is? Rather than beating around the bush? I want to bring it up in a way that is not accusing/ offering help and not making him shut down or deny further. I want him to admit what is going on and if he wants help I want to figure out how to get that for him. If he doesn’t want help I do not want to stay with him. But I don’t want to present it as an ultimatum. Hopefully that makes sense.

[bt1978]

Thanks for replying

Keep a close eye on it.

Opioids of any sort are dangerous, more so the ones you guys have in the US versus here in the UK.

Can be speak to a doctor about the pain?

[alw847]

Yes he’s started doing yoga for the pain and is trying acupuncture. I believe his doctor was the one who gave him opiates and Xanax for pain in the first place. I do know that he is trying alternative methods to control the pain though. Another reason I don’t want to seem accusatory when I do know that he is trying to feel better and make better choices. I just can’t get what I saw out of my head… and it still is eating at me even though I’ve tried to brush it off.

[bt1978]

There seems to be elements of being honest here which is really good.

I can tell you from experience that Xanax and painkillers are a very dangerous combo. I have been there myself

Mixed together they give you a very powerful euphoria, but can also be lethal I’m certain doses. Also, the withdrawal from those two combined was utter hell, I hope that’s something he doesn’t have to face

[alw847]

Thank you for the positive encouragement and for the insight. I do think he’s trying to go along a better/ different path so I am trying to be supportive and positive. I don’t want to be accusatory and criticizing when I do think he’s trying. I will definitely keep an eye out about what I saw.

[bt1978]

No problem.

People with chronic pain fall into a slightly different bracket IMHO and in some respects have it tough, as all that waits when they stop taking is pain and that’s not at easy choice

Keep us posted on here on how things go and very best of luck!

[Author]

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