[loulou]

My son is 15. We live in a lovely rural village, and I STUPIDLY was naive enough to think my boys were all safe! How wrong was I. I’ve had money going missing, he,s been rude and aggressive one minute, then his usual lovely affectionate self next minute. He,s started hanging around with boys I don’t know who are older than him. Last night I did a drugs test on him. It came back positive for weed and mcat. I’ve banned him from seeing these other boys, and I’ve told him the drugs test is a regular thing. I’m making an appointment with school tomorrow. What more can I do? We had a big talk last night. He cried, I cried. He promised it was the first time he,d tried mcat, but to be honest he lies so much I can’t believe him.
I have 2 younger sons, the youngest being just 3. So I can’t give my 100% attention to my eldest and watch him constantly. But what more can I do? Where did I go wrong? I have to stop this before it goes any further, but how?

[cant-take-no-more]

Lou lou, you did nothing wrong, lets get that out the way first…I too live in a rural village and let me tell you, drugs are rife here too……He is at the age where doing what his peers are doing is the ultimate cool…..IF you have noticed things going missing then my guess is he has been doing this for longer than you think….and you may not want to hear this but I doubt its the first time… Facts, those who do drugs lie, steal, become aggressive…….I think you have done the right thing..contacting the school is great, because it will highlight that some of their pupils are partaking in drugs…..I would also get him to the doctors…. We have all been in your shoes, and facing it is hard…..believe me, those parents that dont think their child will ever do drugs or experiment, need a reality check… All we can do is try and educate our kids, be open with them, and if they do try drugs / get addicted don’t enable them and support them. He is a lucky lad to have a parent doing everything she can to help him….. take care x

[gillyb]

Hi LouLou, I am in similar situation, except urban, and my 14 year old was identified by his school as being involved with weed. This was about 6months ago and whilst not “permanently excluded” he had to leave mainstream for and educational support entre. We catch him with an occasional cigarette lighter, but never found anything else on him, and as yet not noticed money or any of our possessions going missing. He is doing well at the new school, andthe main we are praying he has realised that what he chooses to do now will affect the rest of his life and picks the right path. But Occasionally he leaves Facebook open and from some messages I suspect he is smoking weed and I have seen meth mentioned, I was wondering where you got your drug test from, I never thought of doing that as a measure of “good” behaviour.

[cant-take-no-more]

Hey Ami…I really want to hug you right now…what I’m going to say May not be what you want to hear, but you can’t save him…he has to want to save himself…as a mother of an addict( alcohol and cocaine, m cat, legal highs) I have seen it all….I have cried till I had no more tears to cry, I’ve got angry, I’ve withdrawn…..and their addiction hits you like a brick wall, almost suffocates you…it took me 4 years to firstly admit to myself he had a problem, and then to STOP enabling him and set out house rules…at the moment my son is really trying hard to get his act together…he had a relapse last week, but was so angry with himself after and is back on the road to TRYING to stay sober / clean….and he has my full support…but it has come at a price…prison, family members turning their back, etc….stop enabling him now…and do it today…love is never enough….I’m not saying don’t support him, but addicts manipulate, lie thieve and make those around them feel just as bad….you sound such a caring young woman, who has a great future…unfortunately that future will be a distant memory if you stay with him whilst he is still addicted….cause they suck everything out of you! I hope against hope he values his life enough to want to work at getting clean…it’s a life long commitment! Hugs to you hunny, and do what you think is right for YOU……here if you need to chat xxx

[sk]

run run run i would’nt wish this life on my worst enemy it never gets better if u want a life leave this man and save yourself take it from the partner of an herion addict. please its not too late for u x

[desperado]

It must be so hard for you! You..like so many others have fallen in love with someone..only to be left feeling empty and betrayed. I understand totally hiw you feel albeit my situatiin is slightly different but having an overwhelming need to protect our loved ones. I agree with thise that say ‘leave’, ‘run’ …but its never tgat simple otherwise there would be no issue? I would seriously seek some kind of counceling for yourself…if you want a life with a house and kids then you not going to achieve it with your boyfriend….it will always be you playing second fiddle to the dreaded drug….I feel for you :0(

[amy]

It has crossed my mind so many times to ban him from my house, but my fear is he will turn to his ‘friends’, meaning his drug dealer and other heroin addicts he’s met through his addiction. I’m frightened he will end up using more and more because of the people he’s around, becoming involved in crime, or end up living in a squat.
I know my worries will not go away if I’m not with him, I’ll worry more about where he is and if he’s okay, he’s told me so many times that I am his rock, and he would have nothing without me, but is this just another manipulative tactic?
I know he has cut down a lot since starting the methadone, and he does adhere to their care plan, NA meetings and counselling and such. He is trying but it doesn’t stop how I am feeling. One ‘bad’ hit could kill him and I think he’s in denial of that.
I just feel as if I can’t win. Aside from this, albeit a massive issue, our relationship is perfect. We have a lot in common, we can lay in bed all day and laugh at nothing, he has been a shoulder for me to cry on through struggles of my own, he’s protected and stood up for me when I most needed it, i’ve never felt as loved by another person. I don’t want this addiction to get the better of us as a couple, but i know that if things dont change then it will.
I am hanging on to that hope, but for how long?
I feel very bitter towards him for getting me into this situation, it being intentional or not, I know it’s going to stay with me forever. If we split i’ll always be wondering ‘what if?’ and if we dont and he does manage to become clean, I’ll always have that doubt somewhere, and that makes me feel very guilty.
I don’t know, I am just very confused and it’s making me lonely. Some days I will tell him to pick up 2 or 3 days worth of drugs just so that for that 48 hours I do not have to hear about it, I dont have to watch him leave the house to meet a drug dealer, I can almost pretend its not happening and have happy two days.
Like I said, I don’t know how to feel or what to do. I’m worried people will put it down to my age and because it is my first real relationship, that I am being silly, naive and prehaps even childish?
I’ve not gone into this thinking it’s going to be easy, I knew it was going to be hard, but I was prepared to see it through, just now, only a few months in, I am seeing no end to it.
Thank you all for your comments, it is nice to talk to people who can relate to me, I have mentioned it to very close friends but they do not understand the way it feels to be so much in love with someone who has such a destructive habit.
I really appreciate you all xx

[sk]

I was around probably 18 when my partner started using I had already been with him 4yrs by then, it then took me another nieve 5 yrs to find evidence (it was always there I just chose to ignore it) and still another 9 years on things have’nt changed promises broken heart broken 18yrs of my life wasted on a man who loves something else more then me thats why I told you to run because its always there eating away at you, you will always be wondering what is he doing looking for signs. Hindsight would have been a wonderful thing for me. Other people dont have a clue about things if they are not going through it themselves people are so quick to judge because its easy to do that when your not in the same situation do telling close friends wont really help you. Anyway I hope you make the rite decision for you. Take care x

[sk]

Sorry dont know why its on 3 x but at least you can read it over n over lol x

[icarus_trust]

Hi Amy,
I can’t even begin to imagine how you are feeling, but there is support out there for both of you – and it sounds like you really need it as this sort of thing cannot be more difficult than on your own. The charity is called The Icarus Trust and they are fantastic. You can go to their website: http://www.icarustrust.org or email them on info@icarustrust.org. These people are fully qualifies and there for you. I really think they can help.

I wish you the very best and I hope it all gets better for you soon!

[hope-heart]

Hi Amy
You have been amazing, but you must remember to keep yourself well and safe, guess what? you count too! Get the right support for yourself and encourage your loved one toward recovery and do not engage in his addictive behaviour but above all you are not to blame you didn’t cause his addiction and unfortunately are unable to cure him. Check if there are any support groups near you, you may feel scared to attend but you cannot beat the relief of talking to others who truly understand. All the best x

[kf]

I know exactly what your going through and I really feel for you, it’s not easy. I have been in the same situation and let me assure you it doesn’t get better, it only gets worse. You will never have that ‘normal life’ you crave he will just suck you in and bleed you dry, I’m talking from experience here I was with a heroin addict for 8 years! 8 years I spent thinking I could change him! When things were good they were really good but in reality the bad times outweighed the good times I just struggled to see this whilst with him. We have a mortgage and a child together and have recently just split, I couldn’t take anymore!! His drug use was having and impact on me and our little boy so I fled for our safety. He has lied, stole, hit me not to mention the large amount of debt he has racked up which I am jointly several for. I have been categorised as high risk for physical, mental and emotional abuse by woman’s aid and I have little confidence in myself for which my ex is responsible for. Please get out of this quickly. Heroin destroys life’s! Not just the person that is using! Heroin has destroyed my life and I have witnessed many things over the years no one should have to see. Whatever you decide I hope it works out for you x

[Author]

Posts