[donthaveaclue]

Hi all

I have finally plucked up the courage to join up after reading the forum a couple of times over the past month or two.

I need to let this out and seek advice from people who’ve been there.

My partner has developed a coke habit… I say habit as when I first met him, I was unaware he took or had taken drugs. Somehow after a few months he introduced me to coke. I had never taken illegal drugs before and knew nothing about them other than smelling pot smoking when I lived in halls at uni.

At this point, he would take some occasionally as a recreational use linked to going out clubbing. He only bought it a few times, otherwise he’d get given a couple of lines by someone else. There didn’t seem to be a habit.

I did notice that he sometimes behaved quite erratically when he took it. Yet, I was more concerned about binge drinking, as this seemed to lead to very undesirable behaviour and a loss of memory of events.

Fast forward to about a year and a quarter later and we move areas (for other reasons not related to drugs etc).

Unfortunately, in the new area we end up living next to a guy who is a heavy drug user (weed and coke/crack mainly) who is an alcoholic and whose property is frequented by other drug users and alcoholics.

Not only this, but the whole county/area seems to have more of a drug culture that we are exposed to, whereas where we lived before people did crack and heroin… we were generally not around these people so it seemed removed from us.

So now my partner becomes acquainted with the neighbour and his mates.

He has since spiralled into using cocaine a lot – when I say a lot, it’s not daily, it’s weekly. It is usually either a Friday or Saturday and a Sunday. They offer him a line or two and that starts him off. Although, he also has independently bought it without being around them. He also frequently goes halves or buys some and shares it.

It’s got to the point where we are struggling financially as with the coke comes buying alcohol and cigarettes. Our income is very low as it is and it’s not sustainsble to spend money weekly on the drug and the alcohol and cigarettes. This alone is causing me anxiety.

The bigger issue is his behaviour. I have noticed a very clear pattern – when he is on it, he is generally extremely nice to me. It’s the one time he will usually be nice to me and say nice things although he sometimes gets very emotional and just talks and talks at me about things that are bothering him.

Outside of taking it, he seems to have some kind of prolonged side effects/come down. Say he takes it on a Friday, then by Monday through til Thursday he will be vile towards me.

When I say vile, he is extremely irritable, moody and aggressive. Nothing I do is right. His fuse is do short. He will flare off and kick off about anything… things that make no sense or are incosequential.

I dread it and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have talked to him about the money, possible impact on his behaviour (which he pretty much denies) and addictive nature of the drug. He agrees to the addictive nature on some level and about the money, says he’ll stop and then either the next weekend comes and he needs it to destress (his words) or he gets invited to partake in some by one of his friends/associates.

He will then stay up most or all of the night, snorting it, drinking and smoking. This obviously is impacting me as I’m trying to sleep and the next day he’s useless… plus it’s affecting his health and he doesn’t eat or sleep when he’s doing it.

I think the reason I am on here is because recently I went away to stay with family for a bit as I needed to go to a medical appointment near where they live and my partner had things to do at home that are easier to do while he’s on his own.

The agreement was that he would do those things during his time. The agreement was also that he would work on himself, his fitness and other healthy things related to getting on a good track body and mind-wise.

He started off well but it has then come to my attention that he hasn’t done those things. Someome I know, who knows what he was supposed to be doing said that whenever he was seen around the neighbourhood, he was hanging out drinking/down the pub etc.

He was very nice to me at the end of the week and on the weekend – on the phone and when I briefly visited him.

Roll around Monday and the vile person reemerges. He has been incredibly irritable with me. He has been constantly having a go at me – nothing I can do is right. He has been repeatedly blocking and unblocking me, and making accusations and threats.

His behaviour is so volatile, I have never experienced anything like it before. I am treading on eggshells. I find myself saying sorry all the time to try to defuse things.

As far as I knew, he’d done nothing drugs-wise since I left. He has told me that he was offered it and turned it down, but now I think he must have done a little at some point during the weekend.

The behaviour he exibits during the week is:

Paranoia

Aggression

Moodiness/irritability

Extreme anger outbursts

Depression

Suicidal thoughts

He has also been on and off some prescription medication and has used anabolic steroids on and off – this is another big worry for me and I do not agree with him using them.

I don’t know what to do. This weekly pattern has been going on for maybe 2 or 3 months or more… I can’t even remember.

I feel so confused and isolated. I keep thinking he is like this because of the substances. It seems directly linked to him taking this regularly but then I don’t know if I am making excuses or if there is any hope.

[icarus-trust]

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time coping with your partner’s addiction and it’s sad that you feel so isolated.

Please contact us at The Icarus Trust if you think it would be of help. We are a charity that provides support to people who are living with the affect of a family member’s addiction. We know how hard it is so we have experienced trained people you could talk with if you get in touch.

You can contact The Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[Author]

Posts