[lemonyjane75]

14years ago I fell in love with a man who was kind funny caring and larger than life – yep he always drank but it seemed ok fast forward another 8 years and wow ! The marriage has turned toxic and he has become addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs . We have argued! big mistake with some one who isn’t coherent and then verbally abuses you and still I keep on loving him ! This weekend the shit for real Friday we ended up in hospital as he took a prescription drug and alcohol overdose! Due to the phenomenal amount of people in A and E after a 3hour wait they did his obs , did heart trace and bloods – as we were informed we had 5 or so hours to wait to see a doctor or get results my husband self discharged as he needed a drink his buzz was starting to wear off ! Yesterday he got intoxicated again to stop the feeling of nausea and the tremors ! We should have had a phone call from mental health crisis team but nothing ! Today he has had no pills as I’ve taken the lot off him – he is drinking and has managed a small amount of food the 1st in 3 days as he doesn’t eat properly . He doesn’t want to contact his gp but I’m not medically trained and I feel so desperately alone – I will loose him to drink and drugs if things don’t change . What do you do when the person you love is killing themselves

[jamesb]

As hard as this will be. If he is doing this right in front of you, he isn’t afraid of you knowing and nothing you say or ask of him will have an impact.

If you’re genuinely concerned about his well being, I would suggest calling your gp or 111 or a local drug and alcohol charity and have them intervene.

He will probably kick off, call you things and be aggressive but one day when he is thinking clearly and is sober he will thankyou for saving his life.

Just remember the man you fell in love with is still in there and I promise you despite the addiction he desperately wants to get out.

Be strong this is a terrible thing you are going through and always make sure you take care of yourself too. If you have a friend or family member you can talk to I’d say it’s worth opening up about things. When you’re so invested in someone it’s hard to see the bigger picture.

Stay strong x

[donthaveaclue]

As James said, you can contact the crisis team yourself if you call 111 and listen to the options, then select option 2 at the appropriate time. It will be the option for something like ‘over 18 adult mental health crisis services’ or something along those lines.

You can also reach out to this GP yourself if you are both registered with the same one. Make an appointment for yourself and then when you attend explain what you are going through. They may then follow up with him or sign-post you/him to other support services.

I’ve been where you are – well I still am dealing with it – and it is a lonely place and extremely draining. The system for those who attempt to take their lives is broken. There are charities who can support you as you need to take care of yourself as well.

[lemonyjane75]

Thank you so much for your advice and support – I have contacted his gp but he refuses to go ! Mental health crisis team are too busy. We have had two days no alcohol or drugs!!! Only because I have taken it all! He has showered and shaved and what a difference. My adult kids are angry I havnt walked away and are pissed off at Me ! I don’t have any family or friends – I work and my colleagues are fab but I do feel alone. My husband only wants to do this with my help so now I’m walking on egg shells waiting for a relapse!! I’m staying strong and fighting hard – it’s nice to know other people are also living this life and other people do understand .

Thank you so much for reaching out donthaveaclue and Jamesb x

[donthaveaclue]

Can you get him to a AA meeting either in person or online?

It is unfair and unreasonable of him to expect you to shoulder all this burden yourself. He has to take steps to deal with the addiction outside of just going cold turkey (which generally seems to lead to relapse). Has he said why he doesn’t want to confide it has GP?

Have you looked up drug and alcohol services in your area? They are usually separate to the MH services. You might find they are more help.

[lemonyjane75]

Hi donthaveaclue -thank you for your support . So my husband won’t go to a meeting or any help from GP due to embarrassment! Despite all the support and encouragement I am giving – hence why I am reaching out for support for me as if I have to do this on my own to help him it’s good to have like minded people who understand

[icarus-trust]

Hi,

I’m so glad that you have found this forum and have had lots of good advice. Hopefully you don’t feel so alone. I’m sorry that your husband wont reach out for the support but it is important that you are supported too. You might like to contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that offers help to people who are dealing with addiction in their family. We have trained and experienced people called Family Friends that you could talk with if you get in touch.

You can contact us on contact@icarustrust.org

Good luck.

[Author]

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