[confusedcom83]

Morning everyone,

I am in desperate need for some help please. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 18 months now and to begin with I was drawn to his sense of living for a good time. I soon discovered when I moved in with him, that he was taking cocaine and he would take himself on mad binge drinking sessions which he sees as fun, but he drinks himself to a point that he has no idea of what he is saying or doing, when like this he also takes drugs and he has got into some states as a result. We then go through a pattern when he returns and I “give him grief” (express my concerns about his use of drugs and alcohol) he turns nasty and says unforgivable things, which I am to forget about as he was drunk and doesn’t remember saying it. Which is all my fault as I don’t let him have fun and I should let him be a “free spirit” the next day he will sleep the whole day and the third day he is extremely moody with me, and I feel like I am walking on egg shells. Our relationship is a roller coaster, I feel because of this. The issue I have is that I am now five weeks pregnant and since finding out a week ago he has gone on two big binges. The first when we were away and he was with his friend. Which I tried to be understanding of, even when he ignored all messages and was extremely hurtful when he returned to the hotel room – this also put a big dampener on our little getaway. The second when he was just going to the pub for a few at 6pm and at 6am he returned home. He has attempted to seek help before with AA he got as far as sending an email but that was it, although he did stop drinking for just under a month and replaced the pub with the gym. In this time our relationship was much better in my opinion. I have tried to address this again with him, as I am not willing to bring a child in to this relationship with his habits as I just don’t think that is fair especially as lately he has been accusing me of things that have not happened. A month ago he accused me of assaulting him when I tried to pull him in to me so we could sort the situation out but he stumbled and hit himself on the door frame. He is adamant that I pushed him in to the door frame which is most definitely not the case, and then the other night I rubbed his face as he seems to like that when feeling delicate and was accused of punching him in the face. He has suffered from mental health issues mainly depression and anxiety which he will not seek help for and he doesn’t see that his actions increase this.

I would really appreciate some advice on how I can approach this and any views on your own experiences. He doesn’t believe he has an addiction, although he is aware that he has a switch once he starts drinking and he is unable to stop.

[2468]

I’m a mother of a 30 year old who abuses me financially and mentally to buy drugsso and when under the influence I’m scared of him this has been going in a long time since he was a teenager I am at my wits end today iv just discovered he has took my TV to porn and last night threatened to set fire to my home as I would not give him anymore money so I have kicked him out of my home I’m am broken hearted today but feel we getting no where trying to help him he has to help himself so pls be aware we love these people but we can’t help them I’d they won’t help them self’s

[confusedcom83]

This is true, I am sorry to hear this, my partner is the same age and has also been doing this for a very long time. I don’t think he has stolen yet but he has spent an awful lot of money on his addiction and sees no problem with it.

We had a long conversation the other day he asked for me to stop doing two things as this is meant to be the reason why he does it, even though he was taking drugs long before I came on the scene. I asked for one in return, that he does some research on addiction and makes up his own mind on it. It lasted hours as he decided last night to go straight from work in to town sending me a message saying it won’t be one of those nights that you worry about me and then rolled in at 8am this morning, I have been so worried. He has never been this late. I kept my calm with him even though it appeared he wanted to start an argument. I told him I was done and I can’t live like this anymore, he changed his tune and said he will try he just hasn’t dealt with the pregnancy well. Then I got verbal abuse because he was going to be late for work and I needed a minute to help him look for his keys and then had more abuse thrown because I didn’t know where his sun glasses were. I can’t cope anymore

[2468]

It’s difficult but u need to walk away ad ur important and deserve a life I’m stuck because I am a mother and it’s my son either way we both don’t deserve how we are being treated. Have u anywhere u can go to get your head together and think about what you want. It’s so difficult to watch someone you love doing the damage they are to themselves and not realising what they doing to themselves at least ur trying and getting support on here it does help to talk

[ea2256]

Hi,I saw your reply to my post and just wanted see how you are holding up.I know situations like ours take time to figure out so I hope and pray that you have the strength to decide what is best for YOU!I finally confronted my love and as expected it did not go well.Got yelled at,told bad things and was accused of invading there privacy for trying to confirm my suspicions.Just want you to know you are not alone either.Anytime you need to vent,need a friend or just feel a need to escape I am here to listen

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